


Cursed with hope

by Ksfly180



Series: The Cursed Walkers [2]
Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Apocalypse, F/M, Family Drama, Multi, Walkers (Walking Dead)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-05-14 04:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 38
Words: 68,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19266004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ksfly180/pseuds/Ksfly180
Summary: Fall is coming and they're preparing for winter.   With new people and lots of responsibilities there are more runs and more danger.  Its just no longer the cursed dead that hold the greatest threat.  Can they build up a strong enough community to face whats coming their way?Sequel to a cursed world





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 

Fall is well on its way now.  It's been three months since we came here to our safe base.  Nearly five months since civilization ended.  It hasn't been easy and we're still stumbling along.  But so far we've managed well enough, all things considered.  

 

We have a small vegetable garden that takes up the front of the hill house as well as the three nearest it that someone in each house are responsible for their part of the garden.  Each front yard is growing well so we'll get fresh food to can and save for the winter.  

 

Then next spring we can plant in all of the yards, front and back yards with the larger things like corn and wheat to grow on the side yards.  And once we get in the habit of growing our own food it should work to keep us well fed.  

 

There is some grumbling because we designated one person per house to have responsibility for the gardens in their yard.  But everyone understands that giving people stable responsibilities on top of all the runs and such will help everyone find their niche in our little community. And the only real grumbling comes from Andrea but that isn't as bad as it was.

 

Something has mellowed her. I'm guessing Rick addressed the issue. Maybe a few of the others got involved. And the group as a whole is a lot more welcoming to Merle and Daryl than before. They even offer genuine thanks and compliments that the brothers are still hesitant to accept. 

 

But it's helped lower tensions and Merle has been more stable lately. That may also have to do with the medicine brought back. There was a few bottles of his prescription amongst the haul. Daryl was the one to recognize it since Merle was never good with remembering difficult words like medicines. 

 

And all of that has helped him be a whole lot less offensive. He still toes the line at times but he's not as loud or as lewd. He's more careful in his words and actions which have all gotten positive responses from the group.

 

After the success of the tractor supply store, I felt the need to prioritize animals next.  With maps spread out and the farms marked that we know of, not many but enough, we spent the two months checking them.  And they have been well worth it, even the ones that are just food.

 

We have maps marked with the food farms. Once it gets closer to harvest time, we will go on daily runs to clear the harvest. That will require a lot of people, the delivery truck, and both big pickup trucks. But everyone is excited because me also gathered an enormous amount of canning supplies and even a couple food dehydrators.

 

The first we checked was something out of a horror show.   We didn't even get out because it was obvious that a herd had come through.  And the house and barn were mostly burnt to rubble so there was nothing for us.

 

The second was a miracle.  There were goats, horses, and sheep with only an older couple living on the farm.  They were nervous about us arriving with the delivery truck and the man held a shotgun up at our approach.  But once I explained things they agreed to relocate.  

 

They were surprised but happy with our home base.  We've been calling it our Phoenix nest or just Phoenix for short.  Glenn started it.  He decided that our land needed a cool name and just as a phoenix rises from the ashes of its old life, we will rise from the chaos of the world.  No one argued and somehow it stuck.

 

The older couple, Margaret and Kenneth Bennett, are easily welcomed.  They move into the house with Andrea, Amy, and Dale.  And both Margaret and Kenny have taken responsibility of any and all animals, except the chickens and ducks.  We're all grateful for their help because none of us have ever really worked with animals before.

 

Jackie takes to the rearrangement well.  She is confident in her job to keep us all organized.  The main bedroom is used to hold food, as well as each of the kitchens being stocked.  The brothers put up netting along the walls borders.  The various nets are full of chips, candies, and snack foods that didnt stack on the shelves well.

 

The camping gear, minus the blankets, blow up beds, and sleeping bags that have been divided up for the others, is kept in the room that held the crib.  We had a lot but most of it got divided up between the people.  And Jackie took the old office as her room because she wanted the desk and filing cabinets.

 

The other two rooms are designated medical.  One, the left one, contains all of the medicine, bandages, tests, creams, condoms, and more.  The right one has small twin sized mattresses that the brothers brought back with T dog and Glenn.  That will be our infirmary until we get a doctor or someone who will try to be.

 

Amy is the one that wants that responsibility.  She was going to nursing school before the world ended.  So she wants to learn how to treat our injuries.  Daryl, who is our best at tending wounds besides Merle, refuses to teach her.  

 

Since they won't teach her, Rick is planning to take her and Andrea to a nearby library.  I already made a list of books for him to look for.  He grinned, laughed even, but agreed to search out what he could.  It was mainly books on alternative medical treatments like home births and books that tell you how to live off grid or make your own medicine.  That plus whatever else they can grab will be good.  They take one of the cars.

 

Glenn is now leading regular runs with T dog and Dale to gather up anything and everything from the stores and cars back at the intersection as well as a few houses between here and there.  He's good at thinking on his feet and with it being so close and still relatively clear the runs are easy.  Andrea has even replaced T dog a few times when we pull him for something else.

 

Kenney has started coming to the farms with me, Daryl, and Merle.  He knows these people as the farming community is close knit so it will be good to have him there.  Sometimes Rick will replace me and sometimes he replaces Daryl or Merle.  One time both brothers went off one morning with Michonne tagging along so it was me, Kenny, T dog, and Rick.

 

We now have several horses, goats, cows, turkeys, and sheep.  They are all fenced in the open lots with the unfinished houses acting as barns.  There's far more animals than people and Daryl and Dale will often help Kenny and Margaret take care of the morning chores.

 

Micah, Abigale, Emmett, and Sarah all feed the chickens together and collect their eggs each morning.  Daryl sewed them each a child's apron with two dozen little pouches just big enough to hold an egg each.  He even made me one which I have to admit I love. Really he just took an apron and sewed another apron on top to create the pockets. They're really adorable but no one else know that he was the one to make them.

 

And there are three coops.  The largest is in the back yard, acting as a back wall for our home.  These are the ones we use for eggs.  They're all healthy and lay from two to four a morning which is awesome.  So now we can have real scrambled eggs in the morning and even cake on occasions we're celebrating something.

 

The other two coops act as side borders for the back yard.  And while the three do touch they can't intermingle.  The one on the left is smaller and holds the ducks were trying to breed. Other ducks are loose to wander the animal pens.  The one on the right contains several hens and a few roosters for breeding.

 

Merle and Daryl have already thinned the coops down by half, most of it going into the various freezers.  That way we'll have plenty of meat for the winter.  So at least we're confident that we'll manage the future well.

 

We've also found several more people a week ago.  There was a group of people, seven men, three women, and five children between them all that we found on a run to another tractor supply.  They moved into one of the spare houses, closest to us.  All but one of the men were military retired or active.  There's two men in their older fifties and ones wife who has taken charge of their house.  

 

One of the men is together with the non military man. They were tense, their whole group was. But when the army one introduced his husband no one batted an eye. Although I think our group was surprised when the Dixon brothers didn't comment. Their group was much more relaxed and friendly after introductions were done.

 

The other wives and children are quick to help feed the animals each morning.  And its a relief to have more trained men to put on guard.  They take the roles well even if they sometimes look amused that I'm the one issuing orders.  

 

There is a council of sorts.  I always call the others together and this way we get other suggestions or points of view.  It's always me, Daryl, Merle, Rick, Dale, Carol, Jackie, Margaret, and now the older married military couple, Adam and Debra and one of the unmarried ones named Malcolm.  That way we get various points of view and everyone knows what's going on.

 

I'm still the one issuing commands and assigning jobs.  No idea why.  I figured at least one person would try shouldering me aside to take over but none have tried.  And I don't think it's because of Daryl or Merle.  

 

My relationship with them is still odd to me.  After that first time, or the rare times they both reach for me, they never touch me at the same time.  We still share a bed, a real mattress that they brought back when they got the twins for the infirmary.  

 

But if either one wants to have sex then the other either rolls away or actually leaves.  So they don't want to actually be with someone together they just want to have the same lover.  They have made a habit of using condoms now.  I guess my panic attack is to blame but I'm grateful.  Because I really don't want to get pregnant yet.

 

I tend to spend more time with Merle than Daryl which is odd.  It's confusing because I sometimes wonder who I'm supposed to pay attention too.  But they've been really good, really supportive of me.  And if one has a bad day and needs to go off then the other is there to help me out.

 

They have also been slipping away on the mornings we don't go on runs.  I'm not too sure what they're doing but yesterday they took off with the unmarried older soldier, Michael, and stayed gone nearly the whole day.

 

They have brought back a tied up live deer and several rabbits so sometimes they hunt. The rabbits were put in a cage and left with the military house.  But I don't think they hunt every time.  

 

And I smile when I realize that they took my request for gathering animals seriously.  Daryl promises to bring back a few more deer sometime this week.  He's hopeful that they will be moving more now so he can trap them alive.

 

Today though is another run day.  Rick is taking the sisters to the library.  Merle is going to stay behind.  So my group will have Daryl, Glenn, Kenny, and Michonne.  Kenny is leading us to a farm further out.  One he knows mostly by reputation as a good family where the father is a veterinarian.  He says they're the Greens.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

The Greene farm is past several back roads and down a ways.   There are several times we have to backtrack and find another path.  And it takes most of the day so it's approaching late afternoon when we find their mailbox.

 

We drive up the long driveway to the large white farmhouse.  There's animals in the field and several people on the porch.  I encourage Kenny to approach first.  He may not know them well but there's a certain comradier to their work that leads to a welcoming that the rest of us would be denied.

 

The old man, Mr. Hershel Greene, welcomes us in for dinner and agrees to let us stay the night on the land but not in the house.  That may be because Glenn has been staring at the eldest daughter, Maggie, as if just saw the face of God. I've never seen such a sudden strong crush before.  It would be adorable if it wasn't making Mr. Greene frown so much.

 

Still, they invite us in for dinner and we tell them about our home.  They listen politely enough but it's clear that Mr. Greene leads this group and they won't say anything against his decision.  We make the offer but he refuses.  

 

He said, "My family has had this farm for a hundred years.  I was born here and I'll be buried here when my time comes."

 

So I make another offer, "Perhaps we can open a trade agreement of sorts.  You're quite a bit away from us but there's no reason we can't help each other."

 

He frowns at me for a moment then turns to Kenny to answer, "Our farm provides well enough for us and we really don't need outsiders help."

 

I blink at that.  But I get it.  He dismissed me as unimportant in our group because I'm young and female.  He assumes Kenny is in charge of, if not the whole group, then at least our running group.  So hes answering him and ignoring me and the others just likes he doesn't address his group but rather makes the decisions himself.

 

It's an antiquated view but it's one many men hold.  My daddy was just like him, didn't think women could handle the pressure of being in charge.  Hell, my church was the same way.  So I'm not that surprised.  

 

And it doesn't bother me much.  I'm not going to get all in his face about disrespect.  Although I can see that Daryl is offended for me.  So I send him an amused smile to let him know that I'm okay with it.  He grumbles but at least his anger is gone.

 

Dinner is good.  Even if poor Glenn keeps looking starry eyed at the farmers daughter.  She's been sending him shy smiles too, obviously pleased at the attention even if she's more subtle about it.  But poor Glenn has such a crush.

 

We spend the night sleeping in the truck beds with nothing but the stars above us and the calm of night around us.  Daryl clings, really clings, the whole night.  I know he's anxious because this is a new place and we may be in danger.  He doesn't like us being exposed like this.  But this is the Greene's farm and we'll respect their rules.

 

I try to ask his opinion but he just shrugs it off.  His gaze watchful and he doesn't seem to settle.  I manage to sleep well enough, mostly because I'm surrounded by his scent.  Although the nights are really too cold to be sleeping outside.  

 

Kenny tried again to talk to Hershel but the man doesn't want to hear what we have to say.  We do tell them where we are located.  Glenn and I even bring out our map to show them where to go if they decide they want to trade.  But Hershel wants us gone, he doesn't hide that fact.  

 

So we set out for the next farm a few miles down the road.  It's been overrun already.  The fence is busted in several places and there's no animals.  But there is plenty of feed in the barn so we load that up.  Kenny tells us what all to take, including several bushels of hay.  Then he grabs some sadles and tacks and all kinds of odds and ends that fill the barn.

 

It still isn't much.  It's certainly not worth the trip or the gas.  So we nose around the house itself.  Which is a blessing because we find a running generator, five drums of fuel, and two deep freezers full of food.  

 

Pizza!  I never thought I would miss pizza but I have.  And these people have about thirty of those cheap two dollar pizzas in one of the freezers.  And ice cream!  They have ice cream!

 

Daryl laughs but when I pass out the ice cream cones while the pizzas cook he takes one with a smile.  There's canning supplies, a food dehydrator and bags, and three crockpot.  We grab it all.  

 

The freezers go in the delivery truck and only barely.  We don't empty them because that would just waste time.  But we load them up still full of goodies.  They should keep themselves cool until we get back to Phoenix.

 

We take a break to eat the pizza.  It does good to lift our moods.  The we start searching the rest of the house.  We grab the beds, the sheet sets and blankets.  Michonne grabs several curtains and all the towels in the house.  

 

There are two kids rooms, both boys.  We grab the toys that don't require electricity as well as the jackets and hats.  Then we make a final sweep to be sure.  It's late by that point but we decide to go ahead and start heading back.  It will mean we will get stuck along the way and have to stop for shelter for the night but either way we would have to do that.

 

We pass the Greene's and continue on down several back roads.  We're still about two hours away when it's dark enough to make us stop.  And it wouldn't be safe to sleep in the trucks so we have to find a house to hold up in.

 

There's a neighborhood to our left.  It's older, the houses well settled and probably only ever having one owner.  We drive down the first street, right beside an old gas station with two ancient pumps.  There are a few Cursed here but we should be able to manage them.  

 

I point to the third house, the corner lot.  Mostly because it has several toys for small children that I want.  Daryl sends me a smirk because he knows exactly why I picked it.  

 

Then he and Michonne lead in to clear it while we hang back to not crowd them.  The house is dark but the flashlights and lanterns light it up enough for is to see.  And there are no Cursed inside so we close the door and settle in for the night.  

 

Light is dangerous so we don't leave them on long.  And any window is a danger so we block them with a round kitchen table, a couch, and several blankets.  Then we rest until morning, with someone always awake for watch.

 

Sunlight wakes me.  Daryl is nearby, eyes staring intently at the window.  There's movement out there but I doubt it's more than one or two.  I stay quiet as I sit up beside him.  He glances over, acknowledging that he knows I'm awake.

 

The good thing about not staying here is I'm not embarrassed to pee in the sink.  I would've used the toilet but Daryl claimed it and there's no way I'm arguing that.  I don't make a fuss though.  Because with the way the world is, you can't afford to take a dump without someone watching your back.

 

Kenny slips in, pees in the tub, and slips back out without a single glance.  Not that he didn't know we are in here.  But it's not important.  And while Glenn slips in too with a blush I know Michonne will not.  She will wait until the guys are all done before sneaking in.

 

It makes me grateful for the setup we have.  Those camp toilets we have, have cat litter in them.  A few of the regular toilets have been fitted with these bowls, like you see at a hospital, that we use the same way.  

 

Then we just empty them after use into garbage bags that we have been dumping in the old pharmacy.  That's where all of our trash is currently going so it doesn't pile up on us.  We'll have to figure out something different soon but for now it's working.  

 

Michonne drags me into what was probably a small office at one time.  But the people here set it up as a sewing room.  There's three different kinds of sewing machines, five shelves with bolts of fabric, and several plastic tubs of sewing supplies.  

 

We grab it all.  The others may not be as excited but these are things we will need and this is an awesome haul.  We load it up on the delivery truck, on top of the freezers.

 

There are also bins in the kitchen full of mailing packages, the kind lined with bubble wrap.  So Glenn and I tear them open.  They're full of diapers, cloth diapers.  This person actually made and sold cloth diapers.  I nearly squeal aloud.  Daryl laughs but helps me load them all into the truck.  

 

We almost leave.  But Daryl, who I swear has the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a bat, heads around the corner.  Michonne and I run after him while Glenn and Kenny stay with the trucks.  

 

Five cursed are scratching at a house where whining can be heard.  Daryl moves around back so we follow.  It's easy to slip past the gate and up to the back door.  There's a few toys here, bicycles, that I want.  But first we follow Daryl inside.

 

Two dogs, husky breed, are hiding in the living room.  One is black and white while the other is red and white.  Both are cautious but neither attack.  Daryl calls them forward and the black and white moves to sniff him.  

 

There's also five puppies behind the couch and several bags of dog food in the laundry room which was left open.  Three bags are left but it's clear the dogs have torn the bags open themselves.  So they must've been alone for a while.  

 

I carry the puppies back with us.  Mostly because the other two are the better fighters.  And the two big dogs walk on either side of me, watchful of their young.  At least the kids will be excited that we have dogs now.  And the animals will be safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've met the Greene's but Hershel is no where near ready to leave. We'll see them again but until he wakes up to what the Cursed really are he won't listen to others.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

Two days pass with simple runs.  We're clearing the houses in the nearest neighborhoods.  So far we've only gotten five houses on the first street.  But we take a large group each time, both big trucks, and the delivery truck.  

 

We've gotten enough beds for each house to be equipped.  There's at least a sheet set for each bed plus a dozen extra that are kept in hill house inventory.  The freezers are placed in hill house's dining room.  

 

We even had a celebration with cake and ice cream for everyone after a supper of pizza.  It may have been a waste of supplies but it is something we need from time to time.  Our world may be a crazy scary place now but that's no reason not to have some fun from time to time.

 

Unfortunately last night wasn't the best.  Both Imogene and Kendall are teething.  Kendall has been struggling with it for the past two days so I've stayed home with her.  Then last night, Imogene woke with a fever, screaming like mad. 

 

At least we still have medicine for them which helps tremendously.  And Jackie found teething rings and necklaces amongst our supplies.  So both are in a carrier, Kendall drooling down my back while Imogene chews on a teething necklace on my chest.

 

And then Daryl and Merle both left this morning to help Kenny with the fence.  Some of the animals had escaped through a broken part of the pen and were running amuk through the base.   Not that the others aren't trying to help wrangle them.  It's just that both brothers have such a comanding presence with the animals that they're doing better than the rest.

 

Micah, such a big boy, has his apron on and slips outside with Abigale and Sarah to collect eggs.  All three love that they have such an important job.  And they love their aprons and how the eggs fit perfectly in the pockets.

 

Oh, we get a few cracked eggs from time to time.  It happens.  But it's not as many as I thought it would be.  They are actually very careful with their jobs.  And I try to praise them often for being so helpful.  That always makes them puff up proudly.

 

Emmett has decided to help fill the dog bowls every morning.  I think he bonded with the dogs because Daryl has.  And Emmett loves to copy everything Daryl does.  He will sit like him and play with sticks, even breaking off the small offshoots of the branches that Daryl is always sharpening.  

 

And Daryl will nod and say thanks and tell him he's a big helper.  That's a huge thing coming from a man that's nearly always silent.  Emmett even frowns like Daryl now.  It's adorable, really.

 

It makes me a little sad though.  Because I wish that Emmett was Daryls son.  Oh, I know that Daryl has claimed him as such.  I know neither brother cares that our kids don't share their blood.  But I also know that a blood child is something both men crave.

 

And a part of me feels guilty that Emmett has bonded with Daryl so much.  Not because of either of them.  I think it's wonderful that they have each other.  I think they need each other.  But because of Emmett birth parents.  

 

Samantha and Oliver were both in their older thirties when they had him.  They married young but both struggled with multiple miscarriages.  They had saved up for five years to pay for the procedure that resulted in him.  

 

They could've adopted, sure.  But both wanted a blood child.  Plus they got a lot of pressure from family and church about adoption.  They worried that unless they had the child themselves, then the child wouldn't be accepted.  And they wouldn't wish that on anyone.  So they just kept trying.

 

He was their miracle, their gift from God himself.  They loved him more than anything in this world or any other.  And I regret that he won't remember them.  I wish I could give him something of theirs but I can't.  And he's too young to remember them.  That makes me sad.

 

I stroke his hair and tell him to take the pups out to play.  He's already poured them food and petted them while they ate it up, their little tales wagging enough to rock their little bodies.  So he smiles, a shadow of Daryls smile with something that reminds me of Samantha.

 

The dogs race into the yard.  A few barks escape them but they aren't loud or persistent.  The bigger dogs, the mated pair we've taken to calling Riggs and Polly, run to sniff at the other kids now exiting the coop.  It startled a few hens as it always does but they settle soon enough.

 

I bring out the large wide bowl with a soft towel for them to put the eggs.  The puppies stay underfoot, even as Emmett tries to call them away.  And Riggs and Polly both sniff over each child and puppy before backing off some.  

 

After they pass me the eggs I wave them to play.  We have all of the big toys here in the backyard, boxed in by the coops.  The brothers even brought back a climbing toy shapped like a pirate ship in bright colored plastic that Emmett runs to with the puppies fast on his heels.

 

Sarah and Abigale both go for the toddler slide attached to a climbing platform that's less than knee high.  Evelyn crawls into a tent that the brothers put out here to give them shade.  The tent is full of dolls and action figures.

 

I sit down on the wicker lawn chair that came back from the first neighborhood run.  Theres three chairs here as well as the childrens table sets so we can have meals out here if we want.  But the grill is still in the driveway so the kids wont get near it if its on.

 

This is our home, our little plot of land.  And its rare for anyone other than Carol, Carl, or Sophia to come over.  So I'm rather shocked when a tall blonde figure slips between the coop and the house wall.  Because I wouldn't expect either sister to willingly come here.

 

"Can we talk?" Amy asks, her arms straight down by her side.  She holds herself back, nervousness making her stiff and reserved.  But if she came all the way over here I can spare her a minute or two.  So I nod to the chair next to mine.

 

She blinks surprised, as if she thought I would refuse.  But she takes the seat, only sitting on the edge, and her gaze keeps jumping around like she can't settle.  I decide to wait her out.  After all, she came to me.

 

"I wanted to explain," she says, refusing to look at me.  "It all just got out of hand, I think.  It wasn't intentional."

 

I don't respond because honestly, I'm not sure what she's refering to.  She could be talking about the hostility between the sisters and the Dixons.  She could be refering to the flat our refusal of either party to work together.  Hell, she could be refering to the fact that until the soldiers group came, she and Andrea refused to come to the defense lessons that Merle held.

 

She sighs, as if it's a burden to explain, "I told Andrea what you said, that day in the RV."

 

So it's guilt that brought her here.  She was asked to keep quiet and she didn't.  I'm not surprised she told Andrea.  I'm more surprised that she thinks that I don't know.  Of course she would tell her sister.  That was never really in doubt.

 

"I told her about you being seventeen and what you said about how they saved you and how you just had to cook and do laundry for them," she hurries to explain.  "I told her that you said they weren't marking you do like... sexual stuff or whatever."

 

She blushes, looking away.  Her voice softer as if hoping the children won't overhear, "But you jumped on Merle when he got back and people were talking about if you were screwing them both or something.  So I told the group what you said."

 

So they all know.  Unfortunate but also not a surprise.  And maybe it helped mellow a few of the others.  But then again...

 

She's chewing her lip when she says, "But we heard him shouting, sounded like things were getting hit.  And you shouted a few times, sounded startled.  We though he was raping you or something.  But each time Shane or T would go near the RV they would hear him apologizing and you shushing him and saying it wasn't his fault."

 

They thought... well that explains some of the hostility and fear.  But not a single one ever said a word.  Not a single one asked or tried to find out the truth.  They just gossips the worse they could, to hell with the truth.

 

I'm mad enough that I know my face is red.  I'm angry that they talked about us like that.  I hate that they immediately thought the worse of the brothers.  And I hate their self righteousness when they gossips about someone getting abused but weren't going to do a damn thing about it.  

 

Not that I should expect any different.  They were the same about Carol's husband blacking her eye.  They knew, saw the bruises, and didn't do a damn thing.  Hell, more than once they told him not to do that around here.  Like, they didn't care he was beating his wife so long as he didn't do it in front of them.

 

Both Daryl and Merle threatened him.  Daryl walked up, quiet as can be, and aimed his crossbow where the man could see.  A simple warning growled, "Next bruise I see, I'm gonna mistake ya for a geek."

 

Merle was more unhinged.  Ed had gone to him, to complain of Daryls threats of all things.  Merle had thrown an arm over his shoulder, pulled him close, and laughingly told him, "Don't worry, I'll get ya first.  I'll take ya far enough the camp can't hear ya.  Then I'm gonna string ya up a tree and gut ya just like that there deer.  I'm gonna pull all ya insides out and show em to ya.  Ya hear?"

 

She looks down ashamed, "Then when Daryl took ya after the attack... We know he was screwing ya and has since then.  Andrea said you were probably embarrassed that they were both hurting you or they manipulated you into thinking you had to sleep with them.  She said that was probably the real deal and since you agreed to it, you're defensive of it."

 

"You selfish judgemental Bitch," the words whisper out past gritted teeth.  I stand up, unable to remain seated.  But I don't want the kids upset so I turn to face her, keeping my back to them.  I'm trembling... So angry I'm shaking all over.

 

"If any of ya had bothered to ask I woulda explained," I speak coldly.  "But ya don't care for tha truth.  Ya just miss ya damn drama shows so ya go round spreadin lies bout people when ya aint got a fucking clue!"

 

She tries to argue.  Her face flushing in anger and her eyes hardening.  But Riggs and Polly are now on either side of me and growling low in warning.  She blinks surprised at the dogs, her rebuttal dies unsaid.

 

"Ya just can't believe that anyone would care about them, can ya?"  I snap out coldly, "Its just so damn outside your understanding that a person ya think so little of can be important to anyone else after y'all have already written them off as no good."

 

I bury my hands in the dogs fur.  It's more to hold myself back than them.  But they feel my trembling and their growling grows in threat even if not in pitch.  I glance back to see the kids are watching, cautious.  Theyre worried but they won't move unless I tell them too.

 

"Ya only ever saw what ya wanted," I tell her, trying to push away my anger.  "Ya never saw Merle braidin Sarah's hair or sittin tea parties with her and the girls."

 

She shifts, her mouth opening but I don't let her comment.  I tell her, "Ya never wanted ta see how he helped put all tha toys together and even went on runs ta get more for them, so they could have somethin good in this world."

 

I glance back at the kids who are watching, confused but not nervous.  So I tell her, "Ya never saw how they'd both get up with tha babies so I could sleep.  Ya never saw Daryl feedin and changin tha babies when I had my hands full with tha rest.  Ya never saw how seriously they took our safety.  Ya never saw how they was always trying to put up protections, warning systems, and how Shane would just tear them down."

 

She crosses her arms, defensive.  And I'm mad because she's the one to come here and start this.  I hiss out, "Merle saved your miserable life!  If he hadn't pulled ya into the RV them you would be dead!"

 

She looks away.  But I'm not done, "Or how about when Merle saved Andreas life?"

 

I can see the confused look and that just pisses me off.  This time I yell, "When her selfish ass was too busy gossiping to be on watch and keep our way clear!  When I killed a dead for her and told her to take out the rest.  Merle stayed there to watch her back and even killed tha one that nearly climbed in tha truck with her.  He saved her and she still threw it back in our faces!"

 

She stands, angry.  But I'm past caring, I'm past quiet.  "They fed y'alls selfish asses tha whole time without an ounce of thanks!  Ya know how many walkers they killed in them woods ta keep tha damn camp safe?  Ya any idea how many Cursed got caught up in Merles traps or that Daryl an him would go trackin to take out ta keep y'all safe?"

 

She doesn't respond but I didn't expect her to.  I'm so beyond caring now.  "Y'all have done enough ta get yer asses thrown out of tha group more than enough times.  And I want ya gone.  Ya ain't nothin but gossip an lies an drama and I don't want ya here when all ya do is hurt those I love!"

 

She pales, clearly surprised.  And I feel a mean sort of accomplishment at that.  "I wanted ya both gone.  I don't want ya around causin my family pain!  But they wouldn't let me.  Said y'all wouldn't last a day an we can't be killin folks like that just for being Bitches.  Hell, if Lori had come theyd protect her sorry ass too.  Yall dont deserve what they do for ya."

 

I'm tired, too tired for this.  I tell her, "Ya call them racist and ya call them monstrous and ya spread lies about them.  But each o them is worth more than a dozen of ya.  They keep us safe, all o us.  And ya just strike at em cause ya know they won't hit back."

 

My anger is cold now.  My cheeks aren't red, I'm not bubbling with fury like I was.  And I can suddenly understand how Merle was able to laugh while threatening Ed.  Because I feel it.  I feel the calm acceptance that I won't tolerate a threat to my family.  I won't allow it anymore.

 

I step closer.  She scrambles up, confused at the suddenly relaxed posture I now have.  But she doesn't leave.  She doesn't have the sense to run.

 

I warn her, calm as you please, "I won't let y'all continue this anymore.  I love Daryl.  And I love Merle.  They are both amazing men, better than any other I've met before or since.  They deserve every happiness in this world an I'm gonna see they get it."

 

She blinks surprised.  And with a sharks smile, a baring of teeth, I add, "But if you and Andrea don't start behavin like decent folk, if ya don't stop with tha drama and gossip an lies, then it won't be tha dead or tha Dixons that ya got ta fear.  Cause I'll rip out ya throats and leave ya for tha dead ta clean up!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This talk is actually split between this and the next chapter. You're gonna find out what was said, tempers will explode, and a verdict is made. Enjoy😊


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 

She's pale and her eyes widen in shock.  She didn't expect the threat.  She didn't expect it from me.  And she didn't expect to be called on her behavior.

 

But I'm done letting them get by.  I'm done being nice and waiting for them to straighten up.  I've drawn the line in the sand now.  And they can shape up or accept the consequences.  The ball is in their court now.

 

Another figure slips around the corner.  Another angry blonde.  But her steps falter, she slows.  She was nearby.  She was listening.  Because Amy was too much a coward to come alone.  So she heard, she knows.

 

Good.  That means I won't have to repeat it.  They can't say that something got lost along the way.  They can't claim ignorance or innocence.

 

Andreas lips twist unpleasantly.  She spits, "You're as crazy as them!  They've made you crazy.  They've brainwashed you!"

 

I smile, because it's not an insuit to be like them, not to me.  And she is so far from right that it's a sad sort of amusing.  

 

So I smile and I answer, "I gave ya time ta learn ta fight.  I don't trust ya with a weapon cause neither of ya would train.  I don't trust ya on a run cause neither of ya will do as your told.  I don't trust ya ta watch my kids cause ya already fill everyone's ears with poison.  I don't trust ya near my family or my home.  Ya ain't welcome near neither again."

 

Andrea crosses her arms defensively but Amy just looks up pitifully.  Amy says, "That isnt why I came.  I came to apologize to you."

 

"Ya don't owe me tha apology," I snap back.  "Ya owe them an ya damn well know it."

 

She shakes her head but Andrea blurts out, "Its not our fault Daryl overheard us warning Sophia.  She needed to know because no one else would do anything about it.  It's what everyone knows is happening anyways so I don't know why he's surprised."

 

So it was them saying something that made Daryl mad.  And whatever they said was enough to put a perminate rift between them.  But I'm not surprised.  Tired, yes, but not surprised.

 

"It's not what everyone thinks," I tell her.  "It's what you think and what you tell everyone else as if it's God's honest truth instead of your delusions."

 

Andrea steps forward with a snarl, "You are crazy because no one in their right mind would be with either of those two inbred defective rejects.  You're too stupid to know they're raping you!"

 

I step back, more because I'm angry, I'm not afraid.  I snap back, "Just cause no one wants your worthless ass doesn't mean..."

 

She steps forward, stepping into the space I left.  Her voice harsh, biting, "Everyone knows that Merle is a pervert.  Hell, both of them are!  Always talking about pussies and what he'd do to you.  Heard him bragging to Daryl about passing you back and forth.  He's a monster, they both are!"

 

"He's making fun of ya, not threatenin or flirtin," I tell her.  "He ain't a monster, they ain't monsters.  Theyre good men!  You just never bothered ta get ta know them!"

 

"You're a kid and they're both fucking you!" She snaps back, stepping closer.  "You're only seventeen.  They shouldn't be touching you but they do!  I already told Carol to be careful bringing Sophia around because they'll probably both start screwing her too since they got a thing for young blondes.  They've probably already started touching the little girls you keep here but you don't care because they're not even yours." 

 

Looking back I will argue that I didn't mean to punch her.  I certainly didn't mean to do it while two babies are strapped to me.  I should've told them to walk away.  I should've walked away.  But seeing red is a real thing.  Losing control is a real thing.

 

There's a point, when you loose yourself to rage, that your mind disconnects from your body.  I know the first punch knocked her to the ground.  I know I followed her down and kept hitting.  I can't feel my hand, I only know I want to beat her skull in.  Which can't be a good thing, I think.

 

I can hear the babies on me screaming because of all the sudden movement.  I can hear Micah yelling for Merle and Daryl.  I can even feel one hand fisted in Andreas hair.  But I can't seem to stop hitting her.

 

Arms band around me.  The only thing stopping me from lashing back is that I know those arms.  So when Merle pulls me away I stop fighting.  I even go a little limp.

 

It's like my body was on autopilot and switching back to my brain being in control caused a bit of a stall.  I blink awake, realizing that it is like coming awake.

 

Imogene and Kendall are both screaming.  Merle still has his arms banded around me while trying to talk soothing to me and Kendall.  Daryl is in front, stroking me and Imogene and trying to calm us.  But we're not alone.

 

Rick and Glenn are dragging Andrea away.  Theres blood all over her face and she's unconscious.  Michonne is leading Amy, who's sobbing into herself, away.  Carol, Sophia, and Carl are herding my kids into the house to calm them down.

 

Kenny has the two dogs by the scruff.  I don't think they were involved but he may fear that they'll try.  And the soldier, Malcolm, is looking around in shock.

 

The brothers feel me calm.  They know I'm in control again.  So their hurried reassurances slow a bit to longer strokes and softer words.  Merle even starts humming.  I don't know if it's for me or the kids but it's working on all three of us so I don't comment.

 

Adam is there with a rifle pointed at the ground, looking around confused.  He and Malcolm share a look that clearly asks, 'What the fuck happened?'.

 

I try twice before I can speak, "I don't trust em.  Theyre a threat.  They won't help, won't learn to defend, won't listen on runs.  They just take and spread poison and I ain't allowin it no more."  

 

I swallow, try to explain, "She stepped up ta me so I knocked her down.  Didn't mean ta take it so far, didn't have control by then.  But they're a threat an they ain't comin round my family again!  I don't trust em.   They aint hurtin my family again!"

 

I meet Daryls pained blue eyes.  He knows.  He knows what she said, why I attacked her.  I need to explain, I need him to understand.  

 

I tell him, "She was sayin stuff.  She was sayin horrible stuff.  Was saying things..."

 

I swallow, suddenly so sick I feel dizzy.  I blink at him, unsure why my eyes are blurry.  I rub at my eyes and notice two things.  My hand hurts, a lot.  And I'm crying and shaking, a lot.  

 

For some reason my voice is calm, "They've been telling others... such horrible lies.  They ain't gonna stop until someone's dead.  They ain't gonna stop until there's a fucking mob lynchin."

 

T dog steps closer, clearly worried.  I look from him to Malcolm to Adam.  I won't risk Daryl and Merle, I won't!

 

"I want em banished," I tell them.  "Amy and Andrea both.  They won't work in a group, they won't train, they won't listen to others.  They've been spreadin lies, spreadin hate.  I aint lettin them risk my family.  I aint letting them destroy everything I love.  I want them both banished."

 

Adam slips closer, eyeing me worriedly.   I take a breath and order, "Tell Jackie to get a months supply of food and load it in the hill house RV.  Make sure they each get a huntin knife and a gun with one box of ammo ta share.  They can take personal stuff from their rooms but nothin that belongs to tha community.  Then send em off with the RV.  I don't want em dead, just gone.  The RV will keep em safe enough until they find another group.  I just want em gone."

 

There's still confusion.  They still don't fully understand what happened.  But T dog is the one to call the others to leave us to it.  He nods to the brothers, telling them he'll handle it.  And he meets my gaze, acknowledging the order.  He nods, showing he's accepting it.

 

We're alone but it's not quiet.  The coops are loud with clucking and quacks.  The dogs are grumbling, the pups are yipping.  And the babies, while calming down, are fussing.

 

Merle and Daryl drag me inside, the dogs following.  The kids are crying in the living room.  Carol is holding Abigale and Evelyn but Sarah, Emmett, and Micah run to us.  

 

We settle on the floor. I cling to both men and they stay close. Both work together to unclip the carriers and pull the babies free. Carol and Sophia both work together to calm the babies while the others crawl over us seeking comfort. Once they're calm enough, we take the babies back and Carol leaves with Carl and Sophia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andrea has the kind of personality that once she's convinced of something, nothing will change her mind. In the show, even when the whole group including Michonne tried to convince her the governor was evil she wouldn't believe them. And while she wanted to help Carol, not wanting to leave her to be abused, she went about it by challenging Ed publicly which would've just got Carol beaten more in private. 
> 
> She has morals but she's convinced herself that the brothers have brainwashed this little girl (Charlie) and that they're either hurting the kids too or using them to control her. She sees evil in all of their actions because she already decided that they are evil people. It didn't help that Merle was loud and lewd and called her sugar tits. She felt he was threatening her the whole time.
> 
> And she's angry, she's lashing out worse now because the others won't listen to her warning (gossip) anymore. She thinks the others are ignoring what the brothers are doing like they ignored Ed beating Carol. So she's stirring up more and more trouble to turn the others against the brothers but people aren't listening. 
> 
> She refuses to believe that she could be wrong. She just can't accept that she misjudged someone so badly. So she clings with a zealot like strength to her hatred. And she thinks Merle is the worse because he's the loudest but ahe doesn't think Daryl is innocent.
> 
>  
> 
> Daryl overheard her and Amy warning Sophia not to let them touch her. They were trying to scare Sophia away from the brothers because they convinced themselves that it's only a matter of time before the brothers start sexually abusing her. That's why Daryl snatched the kids the way he did. He heard them say that everyone thought the same and that they all though the Dixons are raping Charlie. So he grabbed the kids so the others wouldn't poison the kids against them. Because he and Merle love those kids as their own children. And they both fear losing them or having the kids hate them. That's their hell now, having Charlie and the kids hating them.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 

Yesterday was a disaster.  The whole mess with Amy and Andrea wasn't easy.  Daryl and Merle spent the rest of the day with me and the kids.  And the rest of the group made arrangements and sent them away... after a trial.  

 

Andrea was hurt but she would heal with no more than bruises.  She and Amy tried to argue against being made to leave.  They were loud enough that we could hear them in our house.  But T dog had called the council as well as Hollie to discuss their eviction.

 

Hollie,  one of the soldiers wives with two young boys, was a history teacher.  So she's taken to writing down our story, keeping a record of our history.  Which means she takes a list of runs and a summary of what we find on them.  And she sits in all planning sessions now to take notes.

 

So this, the first eviction as it were, was discussed and written down.  Each member of the old group was asked for their version of events.  Those on the council went first, followed by the rest.  They were asked about the actions and behaviors that they had witnessed, not just what was speculated, and their opinions of it.

 

They discussed each brother individually, as well as their behavior together.  Then they discussed me, my reactions to the brothers as well as to others.  They tried to get an unbiased understanding of what happened but they all admitted it was easy to see why it looked bad.

 

Then they discussed the sisters.  They spoke of their behaviors and their reasoning.  They discussed what they did and didn't do within the group.  Glenns description of Andrea on runs painted the worse picture.

 

Then the sisters were interviewed.  They were asked their reasoning as well as how they came to the conclusions they did.  Their view of events show a horribly twisted picture of the brothers.  But it also showed their unwillingness to even consider an opinion other than their own.

 

Then the council came for us.  It would seem all five of us were on trial of sorts.  The brothers were defensive, neither had good experience with authority.  And both were pissed that we were being questioned after all the three of us have done for the group.  They were really pissed that me and the kids would loose the safety that we had built up here.

 

But it was Ms. Jackie asking the questions so both were actually very patient about the whole thing, for them anyways.  They told about finding us, how and why they picked us up.  Merle even snapped at them that they saw me naked on the first day.   I had to explain the whole panic attack in the RV shower thing to them.

 

They explained about the quarry.  Carol mentioned how Ed quit hitting her after they showed up.  Neither brother admitted why but I did.  And when confronted about it they snapped that they woulda taken him out earlier if they didn't think the camp would turn on us and that me or the kids could get hurt. At that time Lori was already trying to get everyone riled up about us having so many kids. They weren't willing to risk it.

 

They asked about Merles drug habits and he snapped that he's damaged but he'd never force a woman or hurt a woman or child.  "Hell," he added sharply, "I won't even hurt Chinaman cause he's not much more than a kid."

 

When they addressed us sleeping together I was the most defensive.  I snapped that it wasn't their business.  I even yelled that the brothers would never force me and I chose them both of my own free will.  I even dragged Glenn and Rick into it by mentioning the shower.  

 

The brothers were quieter.  Daryl just told them, "She trusts us and that's enough for me."

 

Merle had turned away from them but he had confessed, "Ain't had much good in life, me or Daryl.  She's heaven for us, her and them kids.  We a family.  We a good family."

 

With a bit more prompting he admitted, "We forgot she's young.  Ya wouldn't know it when you're with her.  She's smart, so smart.  And she's a damn good momma to them kids.  She was snappin at us from day one, layin down tha law and orderin us about like she does here.  We forgot she was so young.  And now, we love her.  She's ours, and we're hers."

 

The only reason I know what was said is because I was kept in the kitchen to calm down after I had yelled like crazy at the council for asking personal questions.  Then I had stormed through and told them that they werent asking anymore questions and if any of them ever used this all against the brothers I'd tear them a new one.

 

The council spoke.  Hell, everyone in the whole damn settlement was able to cast a vote.  Then the verdict was issued and upheld.  

 

The sisters were given the RV, two guns, a box of ammo, a months supply of food, and several other item to help them along.  Glenn even gave them a map with a remote campground marked where they can rest for a while.  No one wants them dead, just gone.

 

Neither sister was happy with the verdict.  They both yelled and tried to fight.  But when they were told that the vote was unanimous, except for Dale, they swallowed and left.  Dale cried like crazy but he admitted that they brought it upon themselves.

 

The brothers were surprised.  They had expected to be cast out.  Hell, they had already started loading our supplies back into our RV.  And the surprise was visible on both of them.  That was a slap in the face to the rest of the group.  No one had realized how badly they treated the brothers until this.  

 

Especially when Adam mentioned how he knew several people who had PTSD and without treatment or care they can appear very violent if you don't try to understand them.  That reminder, both that Merle served and was injured, also hit home that their prejudices had colored their view of the brothers behavior.  This whole mess, painful and uncertain as it was, had the effect of strengthening the group as a whole.

 

There were no runs yesterday because of that.  It did set a precedent though.  If there is ever a person deemed too dangerous or disruptive to stay then a full investigation is called and a vote of every adult member taken to be sure of a fair trial.  

 

We even spent the morning writing down the laws that we would obey.  Consent law was first, put forward by Merle.  And sixteen is the age of consent and adult for our community.

 

Second law was also put forth by Merle.  Pedophiles and rapist would be killed.  We wouldn't risk innocents, either our group or another's.  So the punishment of death was put down as law.

 

Next was property.  We laid claim to this land and we have multiple families in the houses so the houses themselves are considered community property.  But everything in the person's room, personal possessions, are theirs.  

 

It's even written that if a family wants to claim an RV for their own then they can.  So we discussed a run to find more RVs.  We have enough paved roads and driveways that we can get several, even keep extras for future families.  Everyone liked that idea.

 

Then someone brought up the supplies and how they are divided.  It was put into law that all food and supplies are community owned and provided as needed.  Everyone will get a fair share of food as well as supplies.  And some thing-, like clothes, toys, books and such- become personal belongings.  We had to make it into law that you could choose one personal item a month so that no one abused the system.

 

The discussion carried us all through the morning so we decided to shelve it until later.  We agreed to bring up the laws each time the council meets so that if anyone thinks up another one we will be together to discuss it.  We still have time to make a run but it will have to be a small one.

 

So we're getting set up for another run now.  Our council gathered in hill house's living room which has been turned into our command center.  Theres a dozen maps pinned over the walls as well as several tables throughout.  

 

One table has the inventory notebooks.  Another has extra maps with our runs marked in an ever outward spiral around our base.  That way, each group that goes out will have a map and a list of stops.  

 

This is mostly because sometimes our planned run stops are fails.  If they are then it would be a waste to just turn around and come back.  And with a map we can just move to the next point scheduled.

 

Rick and Glenn will lead a group but it's still the neighborhood we're hitting today.  I'm going to stay home today, spend time with our kids.  I even have Imogene in a carrier on my chest and Kendall on my back again.  Both are still teething and don't want me to put them down.  

 

We've been watching the neighborhood and it's stayed relatively clear this whole time.  So we're standing around the table more for traditions sake than need.  Because this run should be an easy one for the groups to get.  A real relaxed meeting as far as our meetings go.

 

Which is why we all panic when we hear the explosion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have the sisters meeting the governor mostly because I don't want Andrea to be defending him like she did before. We will see the Greene's soon though. Enjoy😊💐


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 

Adam shouts everyone to order.  The explosion was close, a few miles away at most.  And while everyone was surprised to hear it, the soldiers including Merle and Daryl, were not. Merle pulled forward a map of our area.

 

It's not one of my maps.  My maps have highlights and notes written throughout.  This one has small round white stickers with no notes to what they mean.  

 

Merle points to a set of two stickers about two miles away in the opposite direction to the interstate.  Adam comments that shouldn't there be a second explosion if that's the one.  Merle opens his mouth to speak but a second explosion, as loud as the first, is answer enough.

 

So that's what they've been working on.  I knew they were doing something.  They kept running off nearly every morning with one of the soldiers or Michonne.  And with the amount of stickers I would say they have been keeping very busy.

 

I'm not surprised that they put up defenses.  They tried to do so at the quarry but deputy Shane wouldn't let them.  And I dont mind that they didnt tell me.  I trust them to keep us safe.  

 

It looks like they put explosives in several areas about two and four miles out, staggered back and forth in a rough circle of our community.  It's close enough to give us warnings before threats come.  Which it seems was the plan.

 

Adam and Merle are the one issuing order, deciding who goes where.  They have the wall marked as well as the platforms.  A quick discussion puts those with training on the east side, between hill house and the gate.  Those with less experience are staggered on the other end in case whatever coming circles us.

 

I interrupt, "First things first, how much time do we have and do we know how big of a threat?"

 

Merle and Adam share a glance.  Merle answers, "The duel bombs here are on a weighted trigger.  It would take something big or heavy to trigger it.  Something like several heavy vehicles or a damn big herd.  Since it blew seperate I'm thinking people not herd."

 

Adam is nodding along, "And we have anywhere from ten minutes to twenty, depending on how well they're trained."

 

"Then I want the kids and the non fighters safe," I order.  "Carol goes I to our RV with the kids and any of the wives that can't fight as well as Jackie.  If we loose the wall I want them to survive this if no one else does."

 

That causes some tension to relax but not much.  I pass Carol a walkie and tell her to keep it on.  Dale is put in the balcony and told to keep watch.  Merle, as a trained sharp shooter, will climb to the roof to take out whoever he can.  I pass them both a walkie and tell them to keep us updated on what they see.

 

I pass the babies to Carol and Jackie to take as they leave.  Daryl shoots me a concerned look but doesn't argue.  So I take up a hunting knife and a handgun and post myself on the platform nearest to Daryl.

 

Merle' s voice comes over the walkies, "Sonofabitch has a fucking tank!"

 

I hear Adam ask if it's actually military.  Merle respond, "No uniforms or posturing.  Just a bunch of assholes coming hard an heavy this a way."

 

The other soldiers as well as T dog, Rick, Kenny, Margaret, and Debra all take a platform.  We don't have long to wait.  Apparently those coming this way are persistent enough to push forward.  So it isn't long before we can see them.

 

There's a tank at the front but it has black marks on it that look like it's taken some damage.  Following that are two pickup trucks with three guys each armed with guns.  Behind them are two white vans.

 

The vans split up, one going towards each gate, while the tank and trucks stop midway between.  They're trying to seperate us, they want us focusing on multiple points so we can't fight back.

 

"Fucking cursed," Merle shouts over the walkies.  "The vans have fucking dead in em!"

 

The vans are turning around only to speed at the gates.  Oliver and Taylor, the male couple, are closest to the main gate.  Oliver, an army reserve, lifts up an honest to god rocket launcher and fires it at the van.  

 

The explosion throws the van high in the air and over on its side about fifty feet from where it was.  There's a hole in the side and a few burning cursed are crawling out.  But at least the van didn't hit the gate.

 

A crash sounds from the other side and I have a moment to panic that the other van made it through.  But then I hear Dale call out, "The second van crashed the gate but didn't make it through.  The concrete divider we put into the gate held."

 

When did they put in a concrete divider?  Oh well, no time for that now.  

 

Adam gives the call to open fire.  These people didn't come to talk or trade.  They came to kill and take.  So with guns raised we open fire on the trucks.

 

We're crouched on the platforms because we don't have armor or anything.  Which leaves us vulnerable.  We're going to have to make a run for some Kevlar or something.  

 

Bullets are hitting the wall beside me.  Small bits of brick and mortar are thrown up at me.  I keep firing.  

 

My gun barks empty so I crouch down to reload.  The clip slips free and I push the next in until it clicks.  The I pull back the top to cock it and lean up to start firing again.

 

Time slows down and speeds up all at once.  I see the burst of brick when a bullet hits it.  I notice blood on my hand but I don't know where it came from.

 

I see clearly the man in the back of the truck.  A white man with short brown hair and a vicious look on his face.  My bullet takes him in the eye.  His head is thrown back and a red spray escapes.

 

I hear the tank fire, a deafening sound.  I don't turn to see what it hit.  I don't have the time.  But I'm aware when it reloads.

 

I hear Daryls pained grunt but when I glance over he's still firing.  I see another man, Hispanic I think, and my bullet takes him in the neck.  He falls down choking.

 

Oliver is nearby.  The rocket launcher is on his shoulder and he fired on the tank.  It rocks but is steady.  

 

Many of them are dead but several are hiding behind the tank.  We have to destroy that tank!  But how?

 

There's cursed out there eating their dead.  The ones from the van it looks like.  At least they aren't coming for the wall.

 

Then I see Malcolm running full out at the tank.  He's a tall black man, muscular and strong.  And it seems he's also fast.

 

He leaps up on the tank, climbs the long gun, and throws something down inside it.  He flinches and slips down, falling to the ground.  

 

The tank rocks with an explosion inside that has smoke coming out of the gun.  Those hiding behind it are running for the trucks.

 

Daryl jumps down, Taylor right behind him. Together they make a run for Malcolm.  Daryl is killing the cursed as quick as he can so I focus on helping to clear their path.  I won't lose Daryl to a fucking cursed!

 

My gun clicks empty and I curse as I scramble to reload.  The clip drops out and I replace it with a full one.  Then I glance back at Carl who grins back mischeviously.  That boy is going to be in so much trouble!

 

But he takes the empty clip and lays another full one by my knee.  Then he's running to the next platform.  I'll have to tell Rick later that his boy was out here.  That won't be a fun conversation.

 

Daryl and Taylor reach Malcolm and between the two they get him up between them and run back.  I'm firing headshots at everything I see to clear their path.

 

Dale radioes that a man made it over the wall.  I shout back for Merle to take him out.  A breath passes then he responds that it's taken care of.

 

Daryl and Taylor are at the wall now.  Daryl shoves Taylor up, then lifts Malcolm up.  But he's leaving his back exposed!

 

I climb up onto the wall so that I can lean forward.  Adam does the same on the platform on the other side.  

 

We're both far enough away that we can't fully cover them.  But between the two of us we can buy them some time.  It just comes at the price of exposing ourselves.

 

My knee tries to buckle and I almost fall out over the wall.  But I lock my knee and keep firing.  

 

Adam falls.  I barely see it out of the corner of my eye.  He just drops back onto the platform.

 

Malvolm is over the wall, Taylor reaches down to help Daryl up.  I step further onto the wall, edging along the wall.  My gun clicks empty.

 

I lunge back for the spare clip.  My leg tries to buckle.  I don't stop to think about why.  

 

I switch the clips, rushing out along the wall while firing the gun.  Daryl is up on the platform.

 

Malcolm is sitting up, taking a gun from Carl who is still running between the platforms.  Daryl jumps down from his platform and runs to mine.  

 

I turn, almost falling.  Daryl yanks me down on our side the moment he gets close enough.  The wall is hit, brick and mortar are thrown up.

 

Daryl climbs up onto the platform with me.  T dog appears between my platform and the next.  Debra climbs up next to her husband's body, takes his gun, and with a cold fury she starts firing.

 

Then it's over.  An eerie short of quiet settles over us all.  It's like being in the eye of the storm.  Everyone is waiting for the next move.  Adrenalin still running high.

 

Merle calls all clear over the walkies.  I call back that Dale and he should stay on watch unless they are injured.  Both reply that they'll stay on watch.

 

Then Daryl is next to me, pulling me close and looking me over.  I'm not hurt, I don't feel hurt.  But Malcolm was shot.  He needs help.  And Daryl is the closest thing to a medic that we have.

 

So I take up the walkie, "All injured to the infirmary!  Taylor, carry Malcolm.  T dog, carry Adam.  Anyone injured get to the infirmary.  Those uninjured, help those injured to the infirmary or take a patrol along the wall.  I want a list of damages that will put us at risk.  We cannot loose tha wall!"

 

Daryl grabs me up in a fireman hold and runs full out to hill house.  Why?  I'm not hurt, am I?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want all the drama from the governor so I'm killing him off early. We know from the show that his people would attack and kill whole groups, taking everything they had. That was his plan here. It was his people in the truck attacking Michonne and they searched until they found Pheonix nest. Then they watched, noted the pattern. 
> 
> Their plan was to attack while most of the people are away getting supplies. Because there was a pattern to the runs which nearly emptied Phoenix except for a couple of fighters. So the governor thought this was a sure thing. And if the incident with Amy and Andrea didn't happen then it would've been like shooting fish in a barrel.
> 
> Charlie doesn't know everything that everyone does. She doesn't micromanage. She trusts them to do their best to keep the Pheonix colony alive and prosperous. So she doesn't hover.
> 
> She's a peaceful leader, calm headed, well organized, and she trusts people. That makes them loyal to her. That's why she's in charge. She doesn't bully or pull rank. She just trusts that they can and will do their job so they do. Because a leader doesn't mean you have to be harsh or stern or demanding. A leader can be gentle and affectionate as long as they have their people's loyalty.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 

I guess I've been shot.  Adrenaline is a hell of a thing.  Because even looking at the blood flowing down my leg and the puckered red hole that goes through the meat of my thigh, I still don't feel it.

 

Daryl is tearing open packages of bandages and pouring peroxide on my leg.  I watch it fizz and bubble but I'm still too wired to feel it.  I leave him to it, trusting him to take care of me.  But we're not in the clear.

 

I take up the walkie, "Carol, y'all alright?"

 

She radios back that they are and asks if they can leave the RV.  I tell her, "Take tha kids and those with ya into our house.  Set up in tha living room an let em watch a movie.  Tha kids know where everything is."

 

Then I call Merle,  "What's out there, Merle?  Any threats remain?  Anyone or any Cursed get inside tha walls?"

 

"Just tha one fucker that jumped the far gate.  He was probably just tryin ta escape the cursed in the van.  Caught me another fucker tryin ta walk away from the trucks like he wasn't just warrin with us.  But I got em.  And no more movin out there now."

 

Taylor is pressing a bandage to Malcolms back but he looks too worried and Malcolm looks too weak.  So I call Merle again, "Dale keep watch, Merle come to the infirmary.  We need help with Malcolm."

 

But really we need more than either Dixon can do.  They can patch up some wounds, minor things.  But Daryls hands are shaking as he holds pressure on my thigh.  We need someone trained.

 

"Kenny, I need ya ta run out to Mr Greene's farm and see if he'll come help," I call on the walkie.  "We got gunshots that need patchin and I'd appreciate a doc lookin at em."

 

He radios back that he'll take his wife with him as a backup gun, taking one of the pickups since they're both gassed up good.  Hopefully he can get the Greene's and get back before nightfall.  That way the brothers only have to keep the injured stable for a while.

 

Jackie comes in asking how she can help.  Daryl snaps back, "We gonna need antibiotics.  Look for anything that sounds like penicillin, gentomycin, vancomycin, shit like that."  

 

She nods, repeating the names under her breath.  She runs across the hall and I can hear Debra asking Jackie how she can help.

 

"And pain pills!" He shouts after her, "Look for oxycodone, codeine, hydrocodone, shit like that."

 

Merle is here now but at the sight of Daryl tending to me he curses and rushes over.  I try to order him to help Malcolm but it takes three tries to get him to go.  Even then, he keeps sending worried looks my way.

 

I'm starting to feel the burning in my thigh and oddly my side.  I guess I'm coming down from the rush and my body is now focusing on pain.  Which sucks because this shit hurts.  I didn't expect gunshots to burn.  But it does, it really does.

 

Jackie comes back with two bottles and a bottled water.  Daryl orders her to pass me one of each as well as Malcolm.  She does, struggling with the bottle until Debra takes it from her and pops it open.

 

Seeing Debra makes me remember Adam.  He fell, I saw him fall.  So why isn't he here?  What happened?

 

"Where's Adam?" But I shouldn't have asked.  Because her face shutters in pain and she shakes her head.  She doesn't have to say it, though, I know.  I shouldn't have asked.  Because I saw him fall.  I already know he's dead.

 

My side is burning like crazy and Daryl is stitching up my leg.  It's weird, feeling him stitch it.  There's the stab of the needle, little more than a bug bite.  Then comes the scrape of the thread being pulled through.  Followed by the burning pull as he tightens the thread and ties it.

 

"Any other injured?" I cant help but ask.  I need to know.

 

She lets out a breath but answers evenly, "Some injuries from debris and shrapnel.  We lost Adam and Corbin.  But most others are okay enough to wait."

 

I have to think for a minute to remember Corbin.  He's one of the soldiers, enlisted.  He's Hollie's husband.  And he has two sons, Chase and Levi, ages seven and nine.

 

I swallow which is more difficult than it should be.  I barely get out her name, "Hollie..."

 

But Debra must've understood because she leans forward to grip my arm.  And once I lift my head to look at her, which isn't easy, she tells me that she and the other wives will handle it.  I should do it, I'm in charge.  But I'm grateful that I won't have to.  Because I'm already crying.

 

Daryl moves to the back of my thigh, the exit wound.  He makes me lay down for that.  And he has to help me because the pills Jackie gave me are having an effect.  

 

I feel weak, shaky.  My body is trembling and I know that I'm in pain, I can feel it if I concentrate, but it's like my brain can't hold it or properly catalog it.  It's distracting.   But at least the pain isn't so bad now.

 

I hear Merle curse across the room, "Fucking dammit!  We don't got shit ta give em and he's bleeding like crazy.  Fuckin idiots gonna die if we can't stop it.  Bring me a knife and a lighter, now."

 

Taylor jump up and runs off, hurrying to get Merle what he needs.  But he needs more than we have.  We haven't gathered medical supplies.  We have them listed but we were waiting, doing runs closer first.  Priorities...

 

I grab up the walkie and call, "Rick, got an emergency run for ya.  Take Glenn and one other, go to tha urgent care clinic we marked for next week, Glenn knows where it is.  Take a truck an trailer an grab everything that's there."

 

I swallow, struggling to think.  But I add, "Grab saline bags and IV shit and test kits and medicine and all the needles and little vials and every fucking thing they got."

 

He calls agreement over the walkie so I sit it down and relax.  I can't do more and at this point I'm too weak and dizzy to try.  At least the pain isn't bothering me.  

 

Daryl wraps a white bandage around my thigh.  Then he wraps a purple sticky cloth thing around that.  It came on a roll like an ace bandage but it sticks to itself.  No idea what it is or where it came from.

 

A choked scream sounds from across the room.  Daryl runs to help hold Malcolm while Merle holds something to his back.  There's cussing and struggling for a minute before he goes limp.  

 

And there's an odd cooked meat smell.  But not good meat, a bit like fried spam.  I don't like that smell.  It makes my stomach hurt.

 

Daryl is back, pulling at my clothes.  So I let him.  My shorts slip off easy but there's more blood that he's noticed.  My shirt is tugged off a bit roughly and Daryl starts cursing again.

 

I glance down to blood smeared on my stomach, coming from my left side.  There's a groove in the flesh, a burned tear.  It's a graze!  A bullet graze.  When did that happen?

 

Daryl again pours the peroxide on me, this time my side.  It bubbles a bit but doesn't sting.  Or if it does I can't feel it.  And he settles on the floor again to start stitching my side.  

 

He's so good to me.  Always taking care of me, my sweet Daryl.  He glances at me oddly, his ears red.

 

Love how he takes care of me.  Such a good man, my Daryl.  Gonna be a good daddy.  Already is a good daddy to my kids.

 

He blinks, startled, then looks away.  His cheeks are red but his lips curl up into a smile.

 

Love my Daryl.  Love my Merle.  Love our family.   So glad they found us.  So glad they take such good care of us.

 

Merle wonders over grinning, "What tha hell did y'all give her?"

 

I grin, reaching for my Merle.  I love my Merle.  He's a good one too.

 

His face softens and he runs his fingers through my hair.  I love when he does that.  Love his hands.  Love when they rub my belly.  Love how they hold me.  Love how they touch me.

 

Merle let's loose a laugh, "Alright, Darlin, quiet down now."

 

But I am quiet.  I'm quiet and I'm laying here while my loves take care of me.  This is better than anything I ever dreamed up.  These two good men... the best men... I'm so proud... So proud.

 

My loves...

 

I don't remember falling asleep but I feel myself jolt awake.  I'm still in our infirmary room on the little twin bed.  Merle is sitting with his back against the wall and my legs thrown over his lap.  Daryl is just above my head, petting my hair.

 

I blink around for what woke me.  Because even though they're both awake and seem to be talking, it wasn't them.  And it wasn't the blinding sunlight coming through the window.  Even if the damn thing makes me grumble.

 

Looking around the room I see Rick leaning against the wall.  His shoulders are slumped, weary.  He's tired, probably didn't sleep.  And he's talking to someone, explaining something.

 

I twist until I can see who.  A white haired man with a white shirt is leaning over Malcolm.  I have a moment of confusion.  A moment where I wonder who he is and where he came from.  Then I hear his voice and I recognize Mr. Greene.  His older daughter, Maggie, is across from him helping.  

 

I glance around and notice Michonne with a white bandage around her arm.  Rick has a cut on his cheek that's been cleaned as well as something beneath his shirt.  Not a gunshot, I think, but some kind of injury.

 

I look over Merle and Daryl.  Both are keeping their hands on me as if afraid I'll disappear.  But I notice wounds on them too.

 

Merle has a bandage on his wrist and another up high on his shoulder, near his neck.  When I give the bandages a pointed look he answers, "Just shrapnel, Darlin, nothin bigger than a splinter."

 

I glance up at Daryl and it's only because of the angle that I can see the bandage under his usual sleeveless shirt.  He huffs, intending to ignore me.  But when I reach for the hem of his shirt, he catches my hand and says, "Just a graze, Darlin, nothin big."

 

Rick comes over, kneeling beside the bed.  His gaze both worried and relieved, "Both runs went well enough.  Me, Glenn, and Justin emptied the clinic.  It wasnt touched except the dead still inside so it was a real good haul."

 

He sends a worried glance across the room before adding quietly, "But when Kenny and Margaret got to the Greens farm, a herd was moving through it.  They barely made it out with Hershel and his two girls.  They lost the others.  And..."

 

He trails off, looking first at Merle, then at Daryl.  It's a pained, almost pleading look.  But neither brother respond.  So with a sigh he tells me, "Kenny got bit.  We got him isolated but we don't think it'll be long now."

 

Damn!  He got bit because I sent him out there.  He's gonna die because of my orders.  

 

I blink away the tears and struggle to sit up.  Merle helps me.  I'm still only in my underwear.  Although no one is really shy anymore it still makes me feel vulnerable.  I don't want to feel vulnerable.

 

A shirt is held out.  It's a large white button up men's shirt.  I follow it up to Michonne who looks back steadily.  I take it, slipping it on.  But Merle helps me with the buttons because my hands are shaking too badly. 

 

"We make him comfortable, ask how he wants to precede," I tell them.  "I aint killing a man but if he wants to die human we respect his wishes.  Either way, we need to support Margaret because this will hit her hard."

 

There are several heads nodding.  I scrub at my cheeks.  I need to be strong, they need me to be strong.  But I don't have to do this alone.  So I reach out to take Merle and Daryls hand, it helps.

 

"I want an inventory check," I  tell them.  "We used a lot of supplies and we need to know how that effects our cache.   So I want a list of weapons and ammo.  Well need to prioritize that and medical for the next few weeks. And a list of damages. That tank fired twice that I remember and we need to know what it cost us."

 

Again heads are nodding.  So I add, "Rick, you, Michonne, and Glenn will each lead a team.  We need weapons as priority.  Rotate days and pick your runners.  Glenn takes one of the Dixons on his run.  Get our list and see where we can get started."

 

Rick stands, hesitating to await any more orders but when I nod that I'm finished he leaves.  Michonne follows him with Merle tagging along slowly.  Good, Merle can help them plan the best places to hit.

 

"So," Mr. Greene drawls, "You're the one in charge here?  I wouldn't have expected that."

 

His daughter Maggie throws him a warning glare but he doesn't apologize.  I don't address it because it's not news to me.  I already knew that he wouldn't expect me to be leading here.  Daryl growls at him though.

 

I'm tired and I miss my home and my bed and my kids.  I turn to Daryl, "I want to go home.  Hershel and his girls can stay the night here until we get things rearranged.  And it will let him keep an eye on his patient."

 

No one argues.  


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 

I rest my head against Daryls chest.  His arm is tight around my shoulders.  We're both still breathing hard, still shivering.  And I'm tired, bone tired.

 

My leg still aches, and my side.  They will probably hurt for a while.  But he was careful.  So was Merle.  They needed to reapply their claim but neither wanted to hurt me.

 

Merle hand strokes up my spine, possessive even as Daryl still holds me.  This would usually be the point that Daryl would pull back.  He's real particular about touch, my Daryl.  He doesn't like cuddling to me if Merle is trying to do the same.  And Merle can't go long without pulling me close.  Especially after claiming me how they do.

 

They're both a bit wild, a bit animal, in their need to claim.  They dont mind sharing a person but they want their marks on them.  Which is why my neck, chest, and thighs are covered in hickeys.  

 

They're usually more reserved than this.  It's usually just one or two marks a piece to show that I'm theirs.  But this time, I guess because I was shot, they needed to cover me in their scent and marks.  Like I said, it's kinda animal like behavior but it's not dangerous to me.

 

And Daryl usually pulls away.  So even though I'm still shivering, my legs trembling, I'm preparing myself to shift away.  So it's a surprise when he pulls me closer, holds me tighter.

 

Merle hesitates, his hand stilling.  Because he knows his brother.  And I can feel him asking, in that silent way they communicate, if he should back off a bit.  But Daryl meets his gaze evenly.  And Merle takes strength from that and goes back to petting me while careful not to touch Daryl.

 

It's a surprise.  Not unpleasant, just a surprise.  And it seems like they're both getting more comfortable with this, our crazy relationship.  So I relax between them, soothed by the touch of both my loves.

 

"Ya like heaven for us, ya know," Daryl whispers out into the dark room.

 

I glance up but he's looking away.  So I lay my head down and squeeze him tight.  He lets out a breath, "Merle never had a woman more than a week, I think."

 

Merle grumbles agreement but nothing beyond that.  Daryl continues, "I had a few last a couple weeks.  Not many cared to last longer.  Longest was a girl named Moriah."

 

Okay, I guess tonight is for secrets again.  He wants me to know something or understand something.  So he's telling me this to help me understand.  Merle doesn't interrupt so it's Daryls story to tell.  So I lay quiet and listen, stroking down his chest and arm.

 

"Knew her growin up," he admits.  "Didn't know her well.  Didn't talk much with tha other kids.  But I knew about her.  Knew about her drunk ass parents who was always screamin an shit."

 

Yeah, I know how much they hate those kinds of parents.  But I also know that's a lot of the families around where they grew up.  And even amongst them the Dixons weren't welcome.

 

"She ran pregnant to a boyfriend at sixteen," he tells me.  "He wasn't no good.  She caught em cheaten three times before her belly popped.  He blacked her eye and kicked her to tha curb.  Her momma and daddy didn't want her spawn ta feed too so they chased her off.  She was cryin and a mess with a belly fit ta burst so I took her home."

 

Merle huffs amused, muttering about Daryl always loving strays.  Daryl glares at his brother but doesn't argue it.  "She came along, said later that she heard I was a nice one.  Didn't last three days for her belly was groanin an I had to rush her to tha hospital for tha baby popped out."

 

Again he shifts, frowning at the memory, "She was hollerin like crazy.  I was yellin at tha doctors ta do somethin for her but they just fussed about my cussin so much.  And it took forever for that baby to come out."

 

I shift up higher so I can watch his face.  He's expressive now, more than he's ever been.  They really let their walls down, here in the dark.  They expose their bellies and I love them all the more for it.

 

"It was a ugly thing, all red and purple with chipmunk cheeks," he admits, lips quirked in amusement.  "I wasn't expectin it ta be ugly or so loud.  Nurse cleaned it an wrapped it then shoved it at me.  Damn thing weighed less than a fucking squirrel.  Nurse kept saying I had ta mind tha head, like I knew what tha fuck that meant."

 

He huffs, frustrated with the memory.  Then he adds, more relaxed, "But them nurses was mighty nice.  They showed me how ta feed em an how ta change em.  They made sure I could hold em right and gave me all kinds a books.  They even put me in a class, second day of him an her in tha hospital.  Taught me about choking an what ta do an stuff.  Was real nice of em doin that."

 

I bet it was.  I can see it too.  I can see him sitting there feeling out of place and grumpy but listen and learning all he can.   I could see him really coming alive looking after the baby for her.

 

"That was when I was gone, right?"  Merle asks softly.

 

Daryl sighs, "Yeah.  I kept em both for about five months.  Loved that ugly runt.  He even got cute after a while.  An I thought me an her was doin alright."

 

He shakes his head, painfilled eyes staring up at the dark ceiling.  And my heart twists painfully because I know, I know, she hurt him.  He thought they were good... But she snatched that away.  I feel it before he says it.

 

"Wouldn't screw around with me without a rubber," he says, more pained than angry.  "Said she didn't want another one so soon. I didn't mind either way.  I was workin as a farm hand, helping with animals an shit.  She got a job waitin tables quick like and worked when I was home.  So we wasn't fuckin too often."

 

His arm tightens, clinging.  And Merle breaks the long held tableau by gripping Daryls wrist in support.  It earns a huff, embarrassed shifting, but an appreciative nod.

 

"She popped up pregnant, wasn't mine," he says quietly.  "I wouldn't've cared, ya know, but she didn't wanna stay. Said she didn't wanna catch nothin. Said I was nice ta help her but ain't no way a woman would choose a life with me.  Ran off with tha cop what got her knocked up and never looked back.  Don't know what happened to em after she ran off.  Probably dead by now though."

 

So that's why he's been pulling away before this.  Me asking them to use condoms must have triggered this old insecurity.  It must've sounded like I didn't want his child or that I thought them unclean.  He must've thought thats why I panicked.

 

I squeeze him tighter.  I never meant to hurt him.  I didn't think of how they would see it.  I just couldn't handle it being a strangers.  I couldn't handle it being from that.

 

"I want ta have babies with ya," I confess, lifting myself up to look him in the face.  I need him to know that I'm serious, this isn't just a whim.  "I love ya, love ya both.  We're family, you an me an Merle an all our kids."

 

He blinks rapidly and I understand.  He's feeling overwhelmed and doesnt know what to do.  They've spent so long without anyone fighting for them, supporting them.  They're as new to this as I am.  But they got me now and I got them.

 

"Emmett is your son," I tell him, pleading with him to believe me.  "He worships ya.  He mimics everything ya do.  He wants ta be just like ya and every time I see him following at ya feet I just think it's tha best thing in tha world."

 

He hiccups, rubbing harshly at his eyes.  I realize he's crying.  He's overwhelmed and he's crying.  But I pull his hand away and press my palm to his cheek, gently holding him to look back up at me.

 

"You're a damn good daddy ta him, ta them all," I tell him.  "Imogene loves ya.  She quiets quicker for you than anyone else.  And Micah, he puffs up so proud when you or Merle tell him he's done good.  These kids all love ya.  You two are their daddies, make no mistake about that."

 

Daryl stays still but I feel Merles hand drop away.  I feel him retreat.  And I don't want that.  Because I love him too.  And apparently this is an insecurity that he has as well.

 

So I twist onto my stomach, holding myself up on my forearms.  Merle has withdrawn, giving us privacy even if his eyes are reflecting a pleading to be involved.  So I reach out to him, cupping his cheek and pulling him closer.  

 

"You both are the best daddies these kids could have," I tell him.  "Ya play tea party with Abigale an Sarah.  Sarah loves ya so much, always wants ya to hold her or braid her hair.  You're so gentle with em.  So careful but playful and it's clear as day that ya love em all."

 

I look back and forth between them both.  I tell them in that no nonsense way, "These are your kids.  These are our kids.  We three are their momma and daddies.  We got a good family."

 

Merle makes a choked sound, struggling to contain the tears rolling down his cheeks.  This is really something they feared.  They still believe that I'll cast them away.  They still think that they will loose me and the kids.  

 

I'm a little angry.  Not really mad at them, they can't help it.  But I thought I had shown them by now that I'm not leaving.  I thought I had already proven that we are a family, an all or nothing set.  But they still struggle with doubts.  And they probably always will.

 

The anger is gone, I wouldn't hold it if I could.  And my stomach is hurting from the way I'm laying.  So I wiggle around until I'm on my back, hissing in pain when my thigh protests the movement.

 

Both of them are touching, hovering.  Both so worried that I'm in pain and wanting to help me.  So I pull them both down.  

 

They hesitate.  They don't usually touch me at the same time.  But they share a look, an understanding.  And settle against me.

 

Daryl buries his face in my neck, his hand cupping beneath my breast.  Merle settles lower with his cheek resting on the swell of the other breast.  His hand is splayed over my stomach.  Both are clinging but cautious of my injuries.  

 

"It don't matter if it's next month or next year or five years down the road," I tell them, without a trace of doubt in my voice.  "I'm gonna have babies with Dixon blood.  We're gonna have more babies, ones that will have your eyes or my smile.  We're gonna see ourselves in our babies one day, don't ya ever doubt that."

 

Wetness touches my skin.  They're both crying, both shaking.  And I stroke their heads and necks and shoulders.  I hold them closer.  And with nothing else to do, I sing for them, the wanderers lullibye.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 

The next two weeks pass quickly.  Hershel and his girls moved into Ricks house.  I haven't had much interaction with him.  He's been to the council meetings but he tends to talk to Rick more than anyone.  Not that I care either way.  I just think he's being silly. 

 

Carol and Sophia moved from there into our house.  It was Merles idea.  He thinks because she's been so supportive, never talking bad about us, and she loves to help with the kids, that we should take care of her too.   It was an odd offer but she accepted happily enough.  

 

And its been really good.  She and I trade turns cooking meals.  And she doesn't flinch away from either brother so that's good.  Sophia even bravely talks back.  Not to be rude, just teasing back when the brothers joke snappishly.  Merle adores her for it.

 

We've been sending out three teams of three on a regular basis.  Each day a team goes on a run, sometimes two teams, and our reach extend just a bit more.  It's kept us busy with planning and organizing.  But every now and then we get to relax and play, like tonight.

 

Movie night has become a thing now.  I guess I should 've seen it coming.  Kids are restless and even adults need a bit of entertainment.  So Daryl and Merle rigged the front lawn of hill house, as well as the back, into a giant movie theatre.  

 

Theres a large white canvass falling from below the balcony and hung from the roof in the back.  Then they got a hold of some projection equipment and speakers that they rigged up.   This and the movies they got by raiding the small town movie theatre makes for an awesome set up.

 

Merle even has it rigged to project DVDs and they've been bringing back all the ones they find on runs now.  We don't want this to become an issue for power or whatever so movie night is held every forth day.   And with the numerous bins full I doubt we will run out anytime soon.

 

So we gather on the front lawn while the kids take the back.  Tonight is the second movie night with Dirty Dancing playing.  We tend to avoid monster movies and horrors.  I guess our world is scary enough.  The kids are watching Lilo and stitch.

 

There's popcorn and sodas and laughter.  Everyone is piled on blankets and pillows.  Hershel and his youngest, Beth, are in the back with the kids as well as Hollie.  Everyone's relaxed and enjoying this rare treat.

 

But it hits me like a slap in the face and I can't let it go.  What if all this attracts the cursed?  What if they climb the wall or overwhelm the fence?  We need more protection!

 

We're safe here, to an extent.  And Merle and the others set up several explosives.  When I asked about it he just grinned and said, "Thank tha Lord for rednecks, Darlin, cause they got all tha fun toys."

 

One of the houses they checked apparently had lots of explosives and some guns.  And the rocket launcher.  They found the rocket launcher with the explosives.  I didn't even think that was legal.  But Merle just laughed when I said that.

 

And they are great, they are.  But eventually they will run out.  What we need... is another wall.  No, two walls!  Yes!  

 

We need two more walls, extending our borders and offering more defensive positions.  That way this here, Phoenix nest, will be our fall back, our safety net.  And if we don't want the risk to our walls here then we need more walls out there.  Because this is our home and I won't loose it!

 

"Damn, Darlin, what's go ya all wigglin like a pup?" Merle drawls, pulling me tighter against him.

 

I shake my head.  I'm too lost in thought, planning what we will need, and I don't want to ruin movie night.  But I'm twitching because I'm excited and the more I think, the more I realize we need.  I really want to start writing this down.

 

Like, our main base, Phoenix nest, will keep the brick wall.  But I want a fence out there, another hurdle to slow a herd or people.  It can be iron or wood, solid preferred.  Something durable so it can take a pounding with rises for us to use to fight back.  I'm sure we have some hunters towers amongst all the camping supplies.

 

It doesn't have to extend far.  It will mostly just be a block.  But it will allow us to plant outside our wall.  We will have more room to expand, to grow.  We can even plant fields of corn or wheat outside. 

 

And there's the animals.  It would give us more room to keep them.  Daryl has brought back a doe and two fawns this week.  We could let them run free between the wall and fence.  We could let the rabbits and turkeys loose out there too.  Maybe they can breed themselves up that way.

 

And beyond the fence we would need another wall.  Something tall and strong like a fortress.  But huge heavy stones arent easy to come by.  So what can we use?

 

It needs to be something solid.  Something to block out a herd.  It will be big and obvious to humans but it will just guide the cursed away.  What is big and solid and easy to put up?

 

Then I remember those long metal trailers.  The kind that big trucks pull.  No one will be grabbing them yet because they're heavy and bulky.  But we could.  We could get enough to build a wall.

 

But where do we find them?  Distribution centers, maybe?  Or would they have parking lots full of the things like they do with RVs?  We could find several on the road, sure, but that won't be easy.  

 

I'll go over my maps again.  Surely someone will have a clue where to look.  And it will be so much safer for all of us to have the extra lines of defense.  I wiggle in excitement.  I can't wait to tell the council.

 

I must've ignored Merle for a minute too long.  I'm sitting in his lap, his knees raised on either side of me with his feet planted close.  His back is leaning on a cooler and there's a blanket over us because of the cooler nights.

 

But apparently I ignored him too long.  Because he pushes up, pulling me with him.  He's smiling, pulling me closer and swaying us.  Then I hear the music playing, 'Time of my life'.  I can't help but laugh.

 

I don't usually wear dresses.  It's just not practical anymore.  But I missed wearing them and with this being a celebration of sorts, movie night, I thought it would be appropriate.  

 

I feel my cheeks burn but as is so often with Merle, he jokes and laughs until I'm comfortable.  Then he passes me to Daryl who grins shyly.  

 

He sways with me, holding me close.  Merle has moved on, pulling first Carol, then Michonne up.  Michonne shoves him away but let's Rick pull her into a dance.  Merle focuses on Carol, careful not to crowd her too much.

 

Glenn jumps up with an excited 'whoop!' and pulls Maggie up with him.  Soon enough everyone is up, dancing and just being goofy.  We're all laughing too much to dance well.  Although some, like Merle, delibertly dances silly to make others laugh.

 

I love this!  I never thought the brothers would be comfortable enough to play like this with the group.  There was always a distance before, a line each side avoided.  But as I see Merle pulling Debra up for a spin, I can't help but think that we are finally one group, one family.

 

The music reaches a high point.  Daryl lifts me up, spinning us around.  Others are doing the same all around is.

 

He looks me in the eyes, an intense seriousness there now.  He speaks the words, saying them with the song, "Now I've... had tha time of my life...  no ive never felt this way before.  And I swear... its tha truth... and I owe it all ta you."

 

I kiss him, clinging tightly as the world falls away.  There's a light stubble on his cheek and jaw.  He'll probably shave soon because he doesn't like having much hair on his face.  

 

He lifts me up, an arm under my butt.  So I wrap my arms and legs tighter around him to hold on.  His arms flex, the muscles bunching up in a show of strength that makes me shiver.

 

We break the kiss but don't break away.  I press my forehead to his, our breaths mingling.  I whisper, lost in our own world, "I love you."

 

He grins, a blindingly bright, truly happy grin.  It makes him seem younger, more handsome, less worn down by time.  His hand kneads the back of my neck.  His voice, strong and steady with that wonderful southern drawl, "I love ya too, my Darlin."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 

I pull my sweater tighter around myself.  The cold wind has been nipping at us all morning.  Winter is finally coming through.  Of course, our best guess puts us at mid November so it's not surprising that it's gotten colder.  

 

Our first harvest goes well.  With several farms and fields marked and watched, it was just a matter of going and getting it.  We found an old greyhound bus full of blood smears but also full of gas.  So we cleaned it out and used it.

 

We took laundry baskets and pillow cases and filled everything we could.  Always, four gunners would go to guard the group which was mainly the older kids and those not trained to fight.  It let them get a taste of what's outside our walls and help the overall community while keeping them safe.

 

We sent out the group, every day for a month and we gained a whole lot of supplies.  We even brought in sheds, those prebuilt kinds, and have moved the supplies into them.  That way we have hill house free for use.   They line the far road that goes between the animal pens in the empty lots.

 

Hill house itself has become home to most of the council.  We still have our home but Debra moved into the room next to Jackie's.  The master suite was given to Hollie and her boys.  Mostly because her husband's loss hit her so hard and we all thought she could use the space. 

 

Then Margaret moved in to the room we had as our infirmary.  The infirmary being moved to the formal dining room.  The kitchen eating area and the walk in pantry now house the medicine.  Anything medical that's not perishable, dangerous, or addictive has been moved to two sheds in the back yard near the wall. Each shed has shelves full to bursting and plastic bins stacked head high.

 

And people, although that was unintentional but a blessing.  We found a group of twenty.  There were living in an RV park, circling their vehicles to keep safe.  A few are older, most in their thirties to forties, and two kids, both girls at ten and twelve.  Sophia was especially excited about that.

 

And while it may get crowded and none of them are trained or even have decent weapons,  it's good to have more hands to help.  They've been the biggest group to help with harvest as well as building the wall.  And they all work willingly with our main group so there was no problem integrating them.

 

One of the women, Lisa, is a nurse and one of the guys, Darnell, is a paramedic.  So now we actually have trained healers to assist Hershel.  Which is awesome, considering my recent bout of sickness is the brothers fault and not food poisoning like I thought.  

 

Lisa with her daughter Lyric are staying in the room across from Margaret.  That way she can monitor Hollie as well as be close should anyone need help.  And she's taken to keeping inventory of our medical supplies since she'd rather not go on runs.  

 

Darnell moved into the house with Glenn and T dog.  He's close enough that he can get to hill house to assist but he's out enough that he can help stabilize someone if there further out.  Plus he's been going on runs.  It's dangerous for us to send our medic outside the walls but he argued that he may be needed out there and we'll still have Lisa and Hershel in Pheonix.

 

As for me, I'll blame it on being young or being busy.  Maybe I'll blame it on how I didn't have a regular cycle before and never made a habit of keeping up with it.  But this time I shout in excitement when I wave that silly plastic stick around.  Because I am pregnant this time.

 

Merle immediately caught me, his hands on my upper arms, and asked me in such a serious tone that I almost didn't recognize him, "Is this what ya want?  Cause if it ain't we ain't gotta keep it.  Ya don't owe us nothin!  So if ya need ta wait we can."

 

I was shocked silent at that which may have worried them.  Daryl moved to take Merles place, his voice soft but deadly serious, "Ya don't owe us nothin.  If ya aint ready then that's okay.  Don't want ya poppin babies if ya aint ready."

 

I guess they remember my panic attack during the last scare.  But I thought we already discussed this.  So I huff an amused laugh and offer a gentle smile as I tell them, "I already told ya I want a baby with ya so ya know this is a good thing.  I want this baby, Daryl, Merle, an I ain't scared cause I got you two ta help me."

 

That put an end to the heavy tension.  Both were loud and ecstatic.  And they were both bellowing like foghorns for everyone to hear the news.  Which was equal parts annoying and endearing.  But they're both happy so I'll not complain.

 

And I'm not even the only one pregnant here.  Hollie, it seems, has one last piece of her husband.  She had suspected, before his death.  And having it confirmed made her happy and upset.  But her two boys are always hovering, wanting to keep her safe.  And having the women of hill house around her has done her a world of good.

 

But being pregnant means no runs, for safety's sake, for either of us.  So instead I stay with the kids or plan with the council.  Carol has taken to going out sometimes.  Usually she goes with the harvest teams but sometimes she goes on runs too.  So long as one of the brothers is there, of course.

 

And the council loved my idea to add more walls.  We agreed to work on both at the same time because it will take a while to get all of the trailers we need.  So the wooden fence is already complete.  Which gives us an extra buffer of several yards around.

 

It wasn't easy.  All those strong enough to help were out all day long.  And Rick' s crew was making daily runs for more wood and tools.  For the most part, they took some of the nicer fences from around the houses nearby.  Then it was just a matter of moving them to surround us.  So our dense is a little mismatch but it works.

 

And while going over the maps, we decided on how far out to plot our land.  We will only go, with the final wall, to just outside the intersection on that side.  But the other will stretch three times the distance to encompass several fields that we harvested corn and beans from.

 

The wooden fence is only our halfway point.  A buffer zone between our outer wall and the Pheonix wall.   But the trailers will line roads and block turnoffs to keep everyone and everything out.

 

Good news is we find a parking lot thing full of them.  It's apparently an area where their shipped in and out, a transfer point of sorts.  So most of the runs are hitting them.  And they tend to be full of all sorts of things.  

 

It's slow progress because of how much trouble it takes to move and place them.  We've got Glenn running with Merle most often to retrieve them.  They usually take two other guys who can drive the big rigs and bring back three trailers a go.

 

Gas is another issue.  We've already drained all of the vehicles in the neighborhood and roads nearest to us.  Then theres the gas station at the intersection and another one on a back road near the farms.  That's where we got our diesel fuel from.  But they're both bone dry now and new fuel sources are a worry.

 

 We've already started moving the trailers  into place and more than half of the wall is finished already.  We would like to double the trailers, stack them two high.  We don't know if we can but we're going to try.  Hopefully we can get it finished by spring.  

 

And this way, if a herd comes they will simply be redirected by the solid wall.  And people will see it, it's too obvious not to, but it will make them hesitate to attack.  Or that's our hope anyway.  A lot could go wrong but we're hopeful.  And we're all working so hard to get it finished while we still can.

 

Daryl and Merle are gone nearly everyday.  If they're not on runs with the others then they go off together.  Sometimes they take the RV and stay away overnight.  But when they do that they always come back with various animals.

 

We now have several cats and birds roosting in our barns (made from the unfinished houses).  Then theres the deer and even a wild boar they found and brought in.  I didn't even know wild boar was a thing but somehow they caught one.

 

And we have more dogs now.  Besides our huskies and their pups, we now have a German Shepard, two mix breed labs, and a beagle.  Most of the dogs have been taken in by others as pets.  

 

We're planning a group run soon.  We'll be sending the harvest team adults, loaded on the bus.  They're going to retrieve all of the RVs they can drive from the dealership of 85.  

 

It's dangerous, sure.  But humans are avoiding Atlanta still and the dead should've wondered off.  There will be four soldiers with Malcolm leading.  And they will not only hit the RVs but a sporting goods store, a pawn shop, and a shooting range that are on the edge of the city.  

 

We're hopeful that the pawn shop and shooting range will still have guns or at least ammo.  And the caravan will loop around the outside of Atlanta, hitting two army surplus stores as well as a police station.   But I already stressed to them that if it looks too dangerous then don't hit it, just leave.  Because we want them home safe more than we want the stuff they're running for.

 

It will be dangerous and they will be gone a couple days by our estimate.  But they have supplies with them and we're confident that those going are trained enough for this.  At least, we hope so.  

 

I've been praying more about this run than any other.  And I doubt I will relax until they are back safe.  But hopefully they will be successful.  Or at least I hope they all return alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a summary for a time jump.  
> Without the governor or the claimers they will have an easier time for a while. And they're not being idle, Charlie is pushing everyone to build up and prepare.  
> Next chapter will discuss the caravan then we'll have a winter summary so we can jump to spring. Enjoy😊


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

 

Five days!  Five long stressful days.  That's how long they've been gone.  Five long days.

 

It didn't help any that Merle jumped in the roster at the last minute.   He said he knew a guy they'd be passing and wanted to check it out.  Even Daryl wasn't happy about that.  But he was confident and insistent so we didn't argue.

 

Daryl has been going out hunting every day.   He's brought in two more live does and a stag as well as another boar and two small dogs, the puffy yipping kind.  He stays gone all day, only coming in after dark.  

 

So not only do I worry like crazy about Merle who should be back by now but I have to worry about Daryl too for running off.  Carol helps as much as she can.  But I need them.

 

Carol has bonded with Abigal and Evelyn.  Both little girls looking up and calling her momma.  It was a shock, almost a slap in the face.  But she was just as surprised, just as startled.  

 

She asked if it was okay.  I told her it's okay.  I told her that I want the kids happy and if they want her to be their momma then it's okay.  I told her I was fine with it.   
I even helped her move them into Sophia's room.   But I've cried each night since.

 

I've been spending the days with the kids, needing that connection.  Emmett and Micah are ecstatic about it and even Sarah is excited that I'm showing so much attention.   It's actually been really wonderful to just focus on the kids and let others handle everything else.

 

Kendall called me momma today.  She is crawling everywhere now, always off exploring.  Imogene is doing her best to follow but her crawling comes with a lot of falling face first onto the carpet.  Although when I put them in the walkers they are both off like speedy bumper cars, squealing in triumph the whole time.

 

I wish Merle and Daryl were here.  I wish they could see the kids like this.  We've all gotten so busy preparing for winter that we haven't had much time for them.  

 

I've been reading with the three oldest.  Micah can read a few words but the other two can't yet.  I still read them picture books and point out the words.  They've been loving it.  And their speech is getting better.  I didn't expect any improvement so soon but they've surprised me.

 

We're curled on the beanbag chair that the brothers brought back for us.  Our book is one of those that has pieces that lift up so they've been taking turns to see what's underneath.  It's a cute book, about a puppy looking for his cat friend and finding lots of other baby animals first.  

 

Then the door slams open and Sophia is there, gasping from the run.  My first thought is we're under attack.  The outer fence should buy us some time.  But that's not the problem. Or rather, there is no problem.

 

"They're.. back," she gasps.  "Theyre coming... up the main gate... now.  They're back!"

 

I jump up, grabbing Kendall and Imogene and putting them into the double stroller.  It's another thing they found in the neighborhood and it's been awesome.  Micah, Emmett, and Sarah are already chasing Sophia up to Hill house as I push the stoller after them.

 

I see Malcolm and Oliver first.  Taylor is kissing his husband while clinging desperately to him.  Malcolm is talking to Rick who claps him on the back, relieved.  The others are coming out now and I see just how much they brought back.

 

There's twenty large RVs, each pulling a smaller pop-up behind it or a storage trailer.  The bus is missing, probably ran out of gas at some point.  But there is a delivery truck holding those blue water jugs that businesses have.  And behind that is three army trucks, the kind with dark green cloth draped over a metal frame.  And last is a long delivery truck still parked outside the gate.

 

I hear Merle before I see him.  The kids are jumping and shouting and he has Sarah up in the air, spinning her around.  Emmett is doing his best to climb Merles leg while Micah keeps shouting up at him that he wants a hug too.  Merle kneels down, scooping the boys into a tight hug.

 

I'm crying and shaking when I reach him.  He was gone for five days!  It should've only been one or two.  We thought...

 

He's holding me and shushing me and promising that he's alright.  He tries to point out the haul they got but I don't want to hear it.  I just cling to him and he lets me.  It takes me a long minute to calm down but I do finally manage to get a hold of myself.

 

Everyone is gathering around to hear what happened.  Rick whistles for silence which only barely comes.  Then he starts ordering,  "We'll need an inventory of each truck and the unloading.  But that can be done tomorrow.  Tonight  were gonna celebrate!"

 

That is met with deafening cheers.  Rick grins, his eyes taking in those around us.  Then he waves them to quieten some and says, "Everyone gets two hours with family.  After that, get your asses back here for some good food and a movie."

 

Taylor drags Oliver away before Ricks done talking.  Merle scoops me up, telling the kids to follow.  Carol pushes the stroller, laughing, as he races the kids back to the house.  

 

He wins the race.  Longer legs means he outpaces the kids easy.  But they're laughing as they struggle to catch up.  And Carol follows slower behind the lot.

 

He stops in the living room to ask, "Do ya need me now?  I want ya, but them kids'll break down the door if we try.  Won't bother me either way, but do ya need me now?"

 

I shake my head, "I need ya but mostly I need ta hold ya."

 

He settles us on the couch, leaving room on either side for the kids to climb up.  He's smiling and puffed up and proud.  But he was gone so long and I thought...

 

I choke, crying, "Five days!  You were gone five days.  I thought..."

 

He yanks me close, kissing me hard.  It's a claiming kiss, overwhelming.  It's more how Daryl kisses than Merle but that doesn't matter.  Because he's alive and he's here and I'm his and he's mine and we're okay!

 

The kids make it inside with loud squeals and shouting.  We break the kiss and again he asks me with a look if I'm okay.   I nod, sliding to curl against his side with my legs thrown over his lap.

 

The kids are climbing on us, trying to get close and be heard.  Carol makes it in with the babies shouting for attention.  I lean back against the arm of the couch as she passes them both to me.

 

She was worried too.  I'm not the only one who watched the horizon with fear ripping me apart.  She was just as worried, just as fearful.  And now she's just as relieved.

 

Merle starts telling us all what happened.  He explains how it took a day and a half just to reach the RV lot.  He says it was still untouched and no cursed their either.  He says there was talk of going back again for more.

 

Then he explains how they went around the city, hitting smaller towns.  He says that two of those RVs are loaded with weapons and explosives.  Another, he says, has dozens of gas drums inside it.  Then he says they hit a gold mine. As if the haul isn't already impressive as hell.

 

The government had set up several shelters and evacuation points.  Tent cities, he called them.  And that's where they got the food and supplies that weighs down the rest.  Then he mentioned it having an armory and how they filled up the army trucks with every weapon and explosive they had before throwing the rest in the RVs. 

 

The delivery truck, he said, was found on the road.  He said it was mostly worthless but the tank was full so they brought it.  Good thing too, he said, because the army surplus stores were jam packed and they took everything, filling every nook and cranny they could.

 

He said that he got the idea from when I packed the RV the first time.  He said he kept telling them to add more and more, to grab everything.  He says we're probably set til next winter just from this run.

 

No wonder he's grinning so proud.  Then he tells the kids that there's another surprise.  He got two swing sets and two climbing structures for them.  The kids start shouting before he's finished.  

 

He tells me over their shouting that we'll be able to set up a park, a real park.  And he says they got a dozen of them plastic pools as well as several blow up ones.  I tell him I'm proud as I try to rub the tears from my eyes.

 

Rick a voice crackles over the walkie, calling everyone to Hill house for supper and a movie.  The kids are quick to jump up and run.  Carol takes the babies, putting them in the stroller, and says we have an hour before she passes the kids back.

 

Merle laughs, amused that she's brave enough to say it, even if it's more of a hint.  So with the kids safe and looked after, and everyone else distracted by the party, he drags me off to the bedroom.

 

We've been real particular about keeping it to the bedroom or the RV.  We don't want the kids touching stains or such.  But honestly, I wouldn't have cared if the kids were in the room.  Because I'm clinging and scratching and desperate for him.  And he's riding high on success.  


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit sleep deprived so this chapter reads weird to me but I'm posting anyway 😆 also, don't hate on Carol, I'm addressing aome unresolved issues so this and the next will be stressful but it'll work out. Enjoy😊

Chapter 12

 

"I thought it was okay," she whispers.  "I thought that's why you invited me here."

 

Is it?  Was that the reason Merle offered her the upstairs rooms?  Was that the plan?  And she accepted?

 

"I'm so sorry, Darlin," Merle cries.  "I didn't think you'd be mad."

 

Am I not supposed to be mad?  Is this... was this the plan?  Did I just fail to understand?  Did I miss it when this was discussed?  Was it even discussed?

 

"I love ya, Darlin, ya know that, don'tcha?"

 

And the morning had started so well.  I woke without nausea.  The kids have been happy, excited even.  Especially with the swing set Merle promised them.  Although it will be a few days before they get it put together.

 

Merle and Daryl went to help empty the haul with the everyone else.  Jackie and Debra leading the distribution and double checking inventories so everything can be tracked.  With all of the supplies, they pulled all but those on patrol along the border for this.

 

We have the border more than halfway done.  On the farthest point, where it boxes in the corn field but blocks the small highway, it's built two storage containers high.  There are ladders that Dale helped weld onto the containers to make it easier to climb.  

 

Then, those assigned, walk the six containers length that is their zone.  There is usually a six container buffer zone between patrolled sections.  And some people, after ensuring they're trained, have volunteered for permanent or rotations of patrol.

 

Oliver and Taylor, for example, both signed on for permanent patrol so they are at the farthest point that surrounds the corn field.  They were given an RV, a new model white Winnebago, to live in.  That way, they can have some privacy.  

 

That's why Justin and his wife Ginger, the last army couple, took patrol with their three kids.  They got a larger RV, a big white and grey thing that looks similar to ours inside.  And they seem to enjoy the freedom of having their own space.

 

Their area is behind the bean field that's behind where the corn field ends.  It curves back from the furthest point of our border and circles back to the main road that goes in front of our wall.  The main road hits a highway on its furthest end and rides past our wall and through the intersection back the way we came.  

 

Then our border comes comes back up a small road that runs parallel to the main road.  Until it reaches a side road between the taco bell and the drug store at the intersection.  Then it shoots straight down the connecting side road which leads down to the neighborhood we've been hitting.  Stopping before that, it shoots back down a curving road to surround the corn field.

 

The tank that came, and those with it, came from further than the fields.  It followed the main road that Merle and them had rigged with explosives.  And the vans split, one hitting the main gate on the main road whole the other took the side road to the far gate.  I shudder at that horrible memory.

 

It's still a little dangerous.  The border isn't completed with containers yet, even if we have it enclosed with trucks and cars and such.  And there are heavier, more condensed patrols along the exposed area.  

 

We use walkies to keep contact with everyone on patrol.  And while they work well from Pheonix nest to the various points on the border, they can't reach from the furthest field where Oliver patrols to near the intersection where we have the cars and such blocking the path.  So if messages need to be relayed then someone within the nest will pass it on.

 

It's warmer today than it was all this past week.  The biting wind of yesterday seems to be far gone.  The sun is warm, the wind barely there.  It almost feels like a cool summer day.  And everyone is riding high on the success of the latest haul.

 

Carol and I decided to walk through Pheonix with the kids.  The babies sitting up attentive in their strollers while the others walk ahead.  Part of her reasoning, I think, is to do a visual check for security.  But mostly, it seems, she wants to talk.

 

Our walks usually take us left.  That leads us down the main road, past the other houses, and to the main gate.  It's a straight shot for the most part, only angled slightly.  

 

The overall shape of the wall is a trapazoid.  The shorter end meets the main road while the wider end is further out.  There are four houses that follow the wall with two finished across from the first two and two unfinished next to them.  

 

Then the road turns between the unfinished houses and the last two finished.  Ours being the furthest finished across from the last barn.  The road then passes the former empty lots, turns and passes the rest of the empty lots before it turns sharply to the far gate.  

 

The road doesn't complete the loop although we do have a path between the horse pens and the one holding the boars.  But most don't go this way because all of the animal pens have a strong odor.  It's a mix of sweaty animals, mud, manure, and hay.

 

We glance down the road to the main gate.  It's currently a hotbed of activity.  A bit like an overturned anthill with all the ants scurrying back and forth.  At least the work is getting done quickly.

 

Most of the people are concentrated in front of Hill house.  Although a few people are pushing shopping carts, stolen from the nearby grocers, to move supplies along.  There's carts full of guns lined up for a final check before they're placed in the shed behind Ricks house.  There are two other sheds placed along the back road between the pens that also hold weapons and explosives.

 

Most of the RVs have been moved outside the wall but still within the fence.  That way we're not too crowded within the wall.  This just leaves the currently occupied RVs that fill the driveways and line the left side of the street.  So there is room enough for the inventory to be taken before the supplies are sent off to the various sheds.

 

The sheds line the road that comes along the pens within the wall on the far side.  Someone, or several I suppose, took spray cans and marked numbers on the doors and sides of all the sheds.  Our current count holds at thirty seven but we plan to get more.

 

So instead of our usual route, we turn right from the house.  This way leads us past the vacant lots that now house our animal pens.  We will also be able to see the repairs on Dale' s house from the tank blast.  

 

I shiver at that.  The tank had fired twice.  The first shot had torn the roof and part of the side from Dale's house.  The second had hit part of the wall.  A hole, four feet wide and three feet low from the top, was blasted away.  

 

Corbin had been posted at that spot, so close to my own.  He was next to me just as Daryl was on my other side.  And Corbin was a hell of a shot.  That's why they targeted him while I was distracted guarding Daryls back.

 

Not that I could've done anything.  The tank was closer to me and Daryl, more me than Daryl.  But even if I had noticed where it was aiming, I couldn't have reached him in time.  

 

Hell, they even tried to kill me and would have if Daryl hadn't pulled me down.  The tank may have been down but the spray of bullets, so concentrated, would've taken me out if he hadn't pulled me down.  I think that was part of why he was shaking so badly.

 

But the house was repaired easy, as was the broken parts of the wall.  We still had brick and mortar hidden away for the wall.  And the house repairs were salvaged from the neighborhood.

 

The goats and sheep are in the pen beside our house.  It's really two lots enclosed in a short wooden fence.  There's also a shed in the middle, filled with sweet hay.  The warm weather has them out baaing and bleating happily.  

 

The kids run forward several feet only to turn and run back to us, as excitable as puppies.  There are side by side sheds lining one side of the road this way, full of supplies.  But not many people on this side of things.

 

Carol stays quiet.  The walk was her idea, as was the direction we chose.  And her quiet is a worrying, almost guilty, sort of quiet.  But I won't rush her.  She'll talk when she's ready.  So we keep a slow and lingering pace.

 

The two half finished houses across from ours have plywood walls plastered and draped in plastic to block out the cold.  Both are barns, open in the back and filled with hay.  

 

The horses are housed in one while the other is more for the cows.  Although, the horses have the pen connected to the barn with the deer inside.  The kids run up to the pen, reaching and calling for the horses attention.  

 

Theres a flick of ears but none come over.  The kids give up after a moment of trying, disappointed sighs all around.  I share an amused smile with Carol but she still seems too distracted to really appreciate it.

 

The road curves ahead, across from the horses is where the cows pen begins.  It's a long pen, covering three lots.  And stretches between the sheep's pen and the side gate.  There's also wide gate doors on the horse and cow pens that allow them to connect so we can herd the cows into the second barn.

 

We follow the road as it bends, walking between the horse and cow pens.  There are sheds here too, lining one side of the road but not blocking the gate.  I glance over at Carol but she's looking down, lost in thought.

 

If she wants to speak, now would be the time.  We're as far from the others as we can be.  There's just the animals here, no one to listen in.  So I nudge her arm to get her attention.

 

She blinks up, looking around a little lost for a moment.  Then she sighs, looking back at me guilty, "I did something.  I don't want you to get mad but I think you might."

 

I try not to laugh.  She's older than me, almost twice my age, yet she looks like a guilty kid.  It can't be that bad, this is Carol, so I say, "Whatever you need to tell me, you can."

 

She sighs, eyes darting around nervously.  She leans closer, almost whispering, "I slept with Merle."

 

That takes a minute to translate.  I know those words and what they mean.  But together, my brain failed to comprehend.  

 

Carol stopped walking, looking back at me nervously.  That's when I realized that I had stopped walking.  The kids haven't noticed yet so I push forward, continuing our lazy walk.  

 

They're having fun and I don't want to ruin that.  So I smile and keep walking, I'm not sure what else to do.  But I can't stop the way my heart clenchs painfully.  And I can't help but wonder why.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

 

The bed dips.  I roll enough to see it Daryl crawling over to me.  Merle hasn't come to bed.  I don't know if he will.  I don't know if I want him to.

 

"Want me ta kick his ass?" Daryl drawls.

 

"He's your brother," I answer.

 

He snorts, "Don't mean we ain't beat each other on occasion."

 

I have no reply.  I'm not even mad.  Honestly, I just feel empty.  And nauseous, that came back with a vengeance.  But I'm not mad.  I don't even know if I have the right to be.

 

He sighs, "He told me what he did.  Ya mad?"

 

"I'm confused," I admit.  "Why did he sleep with Carol?"

 

Daryl grunts annoyed, and answers, "He didn't think it's be a issue."

 

I blink up at him surprised.  He frowns, explaining, "He ain't never really dated.  He's too loud or rude or some such shit.  They never stayed around for cheatin to be a issue.  Mostly he just got drunk, brought home a woman to fuck, and either shared her with me or sent her on if she didn't wanna."

 

He lays down with a tired groan.  His eyes looking past the supplies hanging from the ceiling in nets and baskets.  He rubs at his face, annoyed.  Annoyed, but not angry.

 

"First time we shared was some city chick wantin ta tumble with tha trash," he says, uncaring of whatever memories it's brought up.  "He brought her home, fucked her good.  But she saw me an was offerin so I took her too.  He thought it was funny, us fuckin tha same woman.  After that, it just kept happenin til it became our pattern."

 

He frowns, "We didn't never hurt em, not once.  An if they didn't wanna be shared then that was fine by us.  No problems either way."

 

"I'm okay with y'all sharin me," I whisper to him.  "I do love ya both.  I just don't understand... I thought he was happy with me."

 

"Oh, Hell!" He snaps, sitting up and turning to face me, "It ain't got shit to do with that!"

 

I sit up too, facing him, and ask, "Then why?"

 

"Cause he wanted ta fuck!" He snaps out grumpily.  

 

It's like I should've known that.  But how could I?  And if he wanted to fuck why didn't he come to me?  Has this happened before?  Will it happen again?

 

He sighs, aggravated but not angry.  He tells me, "It don't mean nothin."

 

"What don't, her or me?" I ask.

 

He looks back pained.  There's anger too.  He wants me to drop it.  He wants me to forgive and forget.  

 

Should I?  Should I just ignore it when he sneaks off to see her?  Should I pretend I don't know or pretend it doesn't bother me?

 

What do I tell others?  Does it even matter?  Will they kiss in front of the group?  Will they keep it secret and pretend it didn't happen?  Should I pretend it didnt happen?

 

I glance over at Daryl.  His hair is longer, trailing into his eyes.  It's greasy, it usually is.  I doubt that's changed since the end of the world.  He and Merle, neither one, are bothered by the lack of showers.

 

There's a scruff of a beard.  Not enough to call it one but it's more than a shadow.  It's paler than his hair but the skin beneath is just as sun tanned as the rest of his face.

 

He's still wearing shirts with the sleeves cut off.  This ones black,  dirty and soft from wear.  And his jeans are so faded and stained you can't be sure of the original shade of blue.  

 

His arms, strong and lean with barely visible blond hairs are propped on his knees, his back hunched down.  There's a few scars on his arms.  More on the back of his forearm than anywhere.  Defensive wounds, I think.  And one that slides down the back of his wrist to curve around his thumb.

 

I look back up into blue eyes.  He watches me, guarded and waiting.  Waiting for a verdict or waiting for pain, I don't know.  

 

But the look reminds me of the stray that lived near our house.  It never would come to you, far too wary to trust.  Curled in on itself like it was just waiting to be kicked.  But it was always there, watching and waiting.

 

"Shit," he mutters.  

 

I sniff, unsure at the curse.  But he's looking more worried, more tense.  And I have to keep blinking the tears away to see him.

 

His hand comes up, hesitantly reaching.  I sniff loudly and crawl into his lap.  His arms come around me gently, as if afraid I'll spook.  But he holds me and it helps.

 

I sniff loudly.  I don't want to be mad.  And I get it, I do.  Merle didn't think he was doing anything wrong because fidelity was never a thing for him.  He never thought he would have to be monogamous for someone.

 

I was always taught to only be with one man, my husband.  I was taught that there are no problems you can't learn to overcome.  I was taught that as a wife, I would be a support for my husband.  He would need me to take care of all the little things so he could handle the big.

 

I was taught that adultery is wrong, cheating is wrong.  And I believe it.  It's what I wanted.  It's what I thought I had.

 

I'm not married to either brother so is this even adultery.  Is it cheating for him to screw someone else when I'm doing the same?  Can I even call myself faithful when I'm sleeping with both men?

 

It's what they wanted, what they needed.  We all fell into our roles so easily.  And I didn't mind.  It was nice, following the roles I was raised for.

 

It was almost like a dance, moves we knew by instinct.  And we fit so well together, blending seemlessly from strangers to everything.  It seemed inevitable even, or destiny maybe.  

 

It was nice knowing that I would have them to protect me, protect us.  And I enjoy what they do to me, how they touch me, how it makes me feel.  I love that they need me.  I love that I can take care of them all.  It makes me feel strong.

 

They said they needed to share me.  They said they both wanted me.  They treated me like the bridge that connects them.  They couldn't bare for anything to come between them so they needed me to keep them together, keep them bound.

 

And I agreed.  I gave myself to them both.  I accepted them both as husband and protector.  I accepted the role of wife to each of them.   And we fell so perfectly into our roles.

 

I've done my best to balance the role.  I've tried to be supportive of them both.  I've learned their ticks and tells to better understand them.  I've soothed them and encouraged them and done the best I can to be a good wife.

 

But I'm not a wife.  I'm just another woman they wanted to share.  I'm not their world even if they became mine.  And I can't stop crying.

 

Daryl is rocking me, shushing me.  But it doesn't help.  Because this is only temporary.  He's not mine.  They're not mine.  I'm just a stupid little girl.

 

"Dammit," he curses.  

 

His hand fists in my hair, forcing me to look up.  He's angry now, angry and defensive.  And I flinch.  I didn't mean to but I did, I flinched.  And he lets go, shoving me away.

 

He's pacing the room like an angry tiger, all the more terrifying by the growing darkness.  He growls out, defensive, "Why tha hell ya cryin for?  Ya know I won't hurt ya!"

 

I sniff, trying to stop the tears.  But I'm still choking on them when I answer, "There's lots of ways to hurt someone.  Ain't always gotta be fists."

 

There's a loud smack.  His fist hits the wall a second time... a third.   Then he turns to face me, leaning back coldly.

 

The door opens, Merle slipping inside.  He looks back and forth, puffing up for a fight.  But I don't want them to fight.  I don't want them to fight each other.  Because I understand that they need each other.  They are the anchor and sanity for the other.  And I don't want them to fight.

 

"What are we?" I ask, interrupting their glaring.  "What are we to each other?  Is this just fucking?  Am I just the one who's stayed the longest?"

 

Both blink back surprised.  They didn't think that.  But I'm hurting and so I hurt them, "Maybe the others left cause ya made sure they knew they didn't matter to ya.  Maybe they left cause ya didn't care enough for em to stay.  Maybe they didn't wanna just be another body for ya to fuck."

 

Both cringe as if I slapped them.  I chose my words well, if hurtful.  But now I'm just tired.  And I can't talk to them right now.  And I can't talk to Carol right now.  I need to be alone.

 

I slip from the bed onto shaky legs.  But at least my voice is calm when I tell them, "I'm gonna stay in the RV tonight.  I'm tired."

 

Daryl makes a sound, wounded and low.   Merle starts to move forward, hand raised.  But his face shutters in pain and he steps back, staying out of my path.

 

I hesitate at the door.  Because I do love them, I really do.  I don't think it would hurt this much if I didn't.  And I'm not even angry anymore.  I'm hurt, but not angry.

 

"I don't know what we are," I confess, still facing the door.  "This is so far from what I thought I'd have, I ain't even got words for it."

 

I swallow, struggling to speak, "I need ta know, what are we?  Cause I don't know anymore.  I thought we was a family.  I thought we was good.  But I don't know what we are."

 

"Darlin," Merle whispers, pained.

 

But I don't stop.  I slip out the door.  It's dark, light doesn't reach this part of the house.  But I still know my way.

 

The laundry room is to my right, the kitchen and living room to my left.  And just a few feet ahead is the garage door.  I slip through.  The garage is too dark to see but it's not cluttered.  And the door is open so there is some light from the stars.

 

I glance up the hill.  It's movie night.  Everyone wanted to enjoy the warm weather while it lasts.  And from a distance, it looks like a cartoon.  So everyone is probably together in the front instead of being split for two shows.

 

Carol is up there with my kids.  But are they even mine?  I didn't carry them.  I didn't give birth to them.  I really have no claim on them, do I?  Just like I have no claim on the brothers.  Because I'm not a wife and I'm not a mother.  I'm not even a girlfriend.  I'm just a stupid little girl.

 

I crawl intro the RV.  There's still some supplies stacked on shelves.  There's still sheets on the bed and MREs on the frame above the seats.  There's even still clothes in the cabinets and drawers.  

 

I change into a soft pair of warm blue pajamas.  No doubt the night will get cold and I won't have the brothers to keep me warm.  So I bundle up in the blanket that still smells faintly of blood and piss.  

 

Sleep doesn't come easy.  It's too quiet in the RV without soft breaths or snores around me.  And its loud out there, the movie playing and the group laughing.  But eventually I manage to fall asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all the comments and kudos😊💐💐💐💐💐😊  
> Also, jenio1, you are reading my mind at times I swear 😆😆😆  
> I'm getting them to thinking of more long term and sustainable energy sources. But I figure if there really was an apocalypse then it would take a while for people to think of these things because the shock of the world changing would take time to fully leave them.  
> But again, thanks for all the comments, suggestions, and ideas, y'all are awesome💐💐💐💐💐💐😊

Chapter 14

 

I wake shivering.  The RV is colder than I remember.   Even with the warm pajamas and the blanket.  I risk a peak out the window to see frost covered grass.  I guess the weather decided to change back to cold.

 

There are a few people out.  Each one bundled in several layers.  And after ten minutes of waiting to see if the rising sun will bring warmth, which it doesn't, I slip from the bed.  

 

There are still plenty of clothes in here.  So I pull them out to begin sorting them into piles.   These are all the ones that will fit us, all ones we can layer for warmth.  I remember thinking when I put them away that they would be good come winter.

 

So I grab a pair of sports pants, the ones that feel slick.  Then I slip on some jeans that are only a little big, roomy without slipping down too low.  A black t shirt, a button up red flannel, and a black leather jacket finish the outfit.  

 

I remember taking all of the leather jackets from the first raid at the store attached to the RV park.  I kept one for myself, relishing in the childish thrill of having something so cool.  But I had forgotten all about it.  So much happened since that there's probably a lot I've forgotten.

 

I gather up the clothes for the kids.  Theirs can be layered too.  That way, if it warms up during the day they can just remove a layer or two.  Although I still need to get them some more clothes soon.

 

I slip from the RV with my arms full of clothes.  The garage is still open.  No one is sitting there but there is a large pile of wooden stakes that wasn't there last night.  

 

I spare a brief thought to wonder what they're for.  Did they sharpen them to while away the night?  Or, more likely, they're just working on defenses.  They may be planning to put them around the unfinished part of the border, an added protection.

 

I slip inside and head upstairs.  I don't see Merle or Daryl anywhere, but that doesn't mean anything.  Daryl probably took off this morning to go hunt.  Anytime he's stressed he runs for the woods.  And Merle will stomp off to get drunk when he's upset. No doubt he has beer hidden somewhere else.

 

I pass Carols and her girls rooms.  They're both at the top of the stairs.  Both doors are open.  Her room contains a full sized bed without a frame and a small dresser but no other personal effects.  The girls room has two beds against the far wall with bright red blankets and a small wooden chest that they're using to hold clothes.

 

She's in her girls room helping Abigale, and Evelyn get dressed. Sophia is dressing herself while grumbling about the cold.  I offer up the outfits I set aside for the two younger girls and leave her to it.  She offers up a hesitant thanks in reply.

 

I slip into the third bedroom to find my kids still hiding beneath the covers.  They're not alone, of course.  The bigger dogs, Riggs and Polly have crawled up into the bed with Sarah while the pups are bundled under the covers of the boys bed.  

 

There are two twin beds set head to head against the far wall, a mimicry of the room for Carols girls.  There's three large pet beds piled in the corner but they're rarely used.  There's also a baby bed against the next wall with a changing table attached.

 

This room also has a dresser with four drawers.  The top two are for the boys while the bottom two hold the girls clothes.  There's also a mess of toys littering the floor in here as well as a book shelf.

 

So I settle on the edge of the boys bed.  They're awake but staying beneath the covers to avoid the cold.  Neither want to come out but with a bit of prodding Micah slips out to crawl to me.  

 

The pups yip in protest but hop down when I tell them too.  Riggs and Polly hop down as well and lead the pups out of the room and downstairs.  No doubt they will be sitting by their bowls waiting for their own breakfast.

 

I change Micah quickly, aware of the cold morning.  A pair of jeans with some tight thermal pants beneath to keep warm.  Then I slip on a grey long sleeved shirt with a cartoon squirrel on the front and a thick red flannel over the top.

 

Emmett, happy now that he sees he will be warmer, slips out for me.  I put on a grey set of thermal clothes, pants and long sleeved shirt.  Then I put on him a pair of jeans, a blue t shirt with a guitar image on it, and a blue flannel.

 

Sarah, who has been watching intently, slips out of her bed to crawl on the boys bed for me.  I put on her a long sleeved white shirt, a pair of purple leggings, and a pink and purple stripped dress.  Then I slip on a purple button up sweater over the top

 

All three are sorted with hats, socks, and little brown boots, a miniature version of work boots that the tractor store had.  Then I wave them to head downstairs but remind them to not go outside yet.  They head off, happy now to be in warmer clothes.

 

I dress Imogene and Kendall in matching outfits.  It's a long sleeved bodysuit that zips up from the ankle in pale purple and pink.  Then I slip a dress on each, both are white with large purple flowers printed on it.  And little hats for their tiny heads.

 

I carry both down, noting absently that Carol and her girls are not in their rooms.  I hear them in the kitchen.  Carol has already set out bowls of oatmeal for each child.  I nod a thanks, noticing the dogs are eating eagerly at their own breakfast.

 

I put Imogene and Kendall in the two highchair against the wall.  Then I grab a bowl of oatmeal and offer them small bites.  They're both eating soft things sometimes and on good days they don't make a mess or a fuss.  Thankfully this is one of the good days.

 

The kids perk up, talking and laughing as the warm food fills their bellies.  Carol stays quiet, sending me concerned looks.  I don't bother to call her on it.  It's not important really.  I'm just emotional or stupid or young and stupid and emotional.

 

I clear my throat, blinking away the tears before they can fall.  And once the kids finish eating I gather them to go outside.  Kendall and Imogene perk up in the stroller, both loving when I take them on walks.  I'll have to do this more often.  Perhaps this can be our new daily routine.

 

There's still a mess along the left path.  Inventories are still being taken and supplies still being sorted for storage units.  There are several people on the right path, pushing and pulling the shopping carts.  And most of the storage units have their doors open.  

 

But it's still the clearer path.  So I motion the kids to follow the road to the right.  The dogs stay close to them, the pups jumping and yipping eagerly.  This time the horses are closer to the pens border.  

 

All three rush over to climb up on the wooden slants of the pen and reach for the horses.  And this time the horses move forward to sniff at the kids and nudge at their hands. They dont seem bothered by the dogs.

 

We have seven horses in the pen now.  I guess four of them were taken for border patrol.  The ones still here are beautiful.  Four are dark chestnut brown, one is white with black spots, and two are solid black.  

 

I don't know breeds or anything, I don't think it matters.  But I know three are males, two of the brown ones are young but strong.  And one of those not in the pen, a large golden one with a white mane, has large feet and is by far the tallest of the lot.  That one is also the one the farmers exclaimed over as something foreign.

 

The white Dalmatian looking horse snorts on Micah's hair, blowing blond hair wild.  He laughs loudly which is echoed by Emmett and Sarah.  Abigale and Sophia run past me, eager to pet the horses too.  And the horses seem to enjoy the attention.

 

Carol walks over slowly, holding Evelyn's hand as she walks beside her.  I keep the stroller turned so both babies can see the horses but I don't go closer.  Neither does Carol or Evelyn.  

 

"How are you doing," ahe asks softly, guilt has her avoiding my gaze.

 

I swallow, blinking away tears before they can fall.  At least my voice is steady when I answer, "I'm just being stupid, I think.  I shouldn't be upset, I don't have that right."

 

She frowns, telling me, "I think you have every right to be mad.  I really am sorry."

 

I nod.  Yes, I know she's sorry.  She's been sending me guilty sorrowful looks since she told me.  And I'm not mad at her, not really.

 

Didn't I want to set her up with Merle?  I may not have told her but I did consider how they would do as a couple.  But when he kept pushing to share me with Daryl I pushed it from my mind.  

 

I thought they both wanted me forever.  I thought the point of them being so insistent about sharing me was because they both cared.  I thought it meant they loved me.  I guess that's just because the young are foolish, as my daddy liked to say.

 

"If anyone should be upset, it should be you," she tells me, her gaze locked on the children petting the horses.  "I knew you were sleeping with them both but I didn't realize you actually loved both of them.  I guess I just thought you wouldn't be with Merle for long.  I think most of us thought it was temporary."

 

I glance over but she's still not looking at me.  I can't help but ask, "Then what made you mention it to me if you didn't think it mattered?"

 

She grins, a sad sort of smile, and says, "Merle, actually."

 

I raise an eyebrow at that.  She huffs a laugh, not really amused but finding humor in the situation.  She remains quiet while three people pulling two carts each pass behind us.  

 

She shrugs embarrassed, "He was talking to Oliver at the party, when they brought back the haul.  I was listening."

 

Then she explains, "Oliver was saying that he wanted to have a wedding ceremony for him and Taylor but he was worried what others would say.  Apparently they've been together for seven years, first and forever loves.  It sounded really sweet."

 

She shakes her head, smiling, "And Merle told him to go ahead and not let anyone tell him he can't be with his lover."

 

I huff a laugh.  I'm fairly sure his language was far more colorful.  And its just like Merle to say something like that but others would still be shocked.

 

She grins back, more amused and barely guilty.  She tells me, "Yeah, then Merle told him about some culture across the way that has a single woman marry into a family.  He said she takes all the brothers as her husband.  That way they can all work and provide for her and all of her children will be their descendants."

 

I blink surprised at that.  I've never heard of such a thing but I'm not surprised Merle has.  He actually has a really strong interest in other cultures.  So does Daryl.  

 

And both love to read, many wouldn't expect that.  Merle loves the histories, not biographies but those set in historical times.  Daryl loves fantasy stories, those set in faraway worlds.  He especially likes the ones with magic or shapeshifters but he doesn't care for the vampires, says they're boring.

 

She nods, as if agreeing with my thoughts.  Then she adds, "He said that some of the guys in his unit made fun of the culture but to him it made sense because he and Daryl have always shared women.  And he said it made more sense than when men marry a lot of women.  He said those men are just asking for trouble."

 

I snort a laugh at that.  Yep, that sounds like Merle.  And that explaination actually sounds like what I thought we had.  I mean, were not married.  But I thought I was a wife to them both.  

 

I never knew such a culture existed but if it works for us it should work for others.  Only, it didn't work for us, did it.  Because I was wrong.  That culture may have given him the idea or encouraged them to rationalize sharing women.  But I'm not their wife, just another woman they shared.

 

I call the kids to continue our walk.  They're sad to leave the horses but they come along.  And while they don't approach the cows, they do try to call at the turkeys penned in the far corner against the wall, just last the far gate.  

 

I don't let them approach.  I know they like the turkeys because of the chickens but I call them back all the same.  The turkeys are a bit wilder so I'd rather they not get too close.  At least they don't act bothered by it.

 

Across from the far gate is a path that goes between the horse/deer pen and the boar pen.  We follow it to where it lets out between Dales house and the first house that Glenn and them stay in.  

 

It's still busy but it's easy enough to navigate past the piles and carts and RVs.  Then we head past the gate.  The fence is solid and secure so I'm not afraid to bring the kids out this far.  Plus it keeps us out of the others way.

 

The land out here was cleared, both across the street and on both sides of our wall.  Hershel and Maggie have already drawn up maps of what we should plant and where, both sitting the council most days.  And I think they want to move the cows out here too, behind the far gate last I heard.

 

The fence is clearly visible.  Mostly because the land is clear and mostly flat.  The fence itself is an average height wooden.  But it is reinforced along the back with thick poles and a short, two foot tall, cinder block wall.

 

I let the kids run wilder out here.  The dogs racing about, excited for all of the open space.  The kids quickly engage in a game of tag that the dogs play although the rules are questionable.  There isn't much danger now.  

 

Several people stand on hunting platforms, most armed with rifles although they're encouraged to not use them.  Then there will be those on the border and those on horseback patrolling the area between the two.

 

I tell Carol that in the summer we should set up the pools out here for them to play in.  Maybe set them out now to collect rainwater.  The late winter to early spring are often flooded with rainwater while the summers are humid but without much rainfall until cooler weather stretches down.  

 

If we can collect the rainwater, filter and boil it, we can keep water year long.  We should also consider cleaning out the far ditch to see if the heavy spring rains can turn it into a pond or something.  Carol mentions we have a few large filtration barrels and we can get more large drums to hold the rainwater.

 

And we should get bicycles.  They will be quieter than horses and we could use them for some nearby runs.  We will still need the vehicles for some runs but if we can manage by horse and cart or bicycle then we should try.  That way we don't waste all of our fuel.  She eagerly agrees to the idea and suggests where we can look for some bikes.  

 

We'll head back inside to talk it out with the council.  Carol offers to mind the three older for me so I can tell the council of my ideas.  That way, she says, they can walk through the coop to collect the eggs and feed the chickens.

 

When we seperate, I tell her, "We should also look for other energy means.  The fuel is running low and without fuel we will loose our generators.  We need something we can rig up that won't run out.  Like those solar lights momma kept in the front garden or a windmill or something."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Research polyandry in Tibet and India. It's kinda fascinating and it gave me the idea to have Charlie with both brothers. It's considered the norm in the rural areas of Tibet.  
> In their cultures, farms are passed down through families. So by all brothers having a single wife, they don't split up the land. And by all of the husbands being brothers, there's no argument over inheritance for the kids.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

 

The day stays cold.  I spoke with the council, or at least those that could be spared.  And another list of items were added to our needs pile.  There's already discussion about sending out a run tomorrow.  For all that our haul was almost overwhelming, there is still a lot of things we need.

 

Malcolm pulls me aside before I leave.  There isn't much privacy here but I follow him into the infirmary all the same.  He's concerned but hesitant when he asks me what happened.

 

I shrug, not willing to talk about it.  But he frowns, glances around, then asks barely above a whisper, "They both left before sunrise.  Looked like they didnt sleep and they didnt say where they were going.  Just walked off."

 

My chest tightens at that.  Did they leave me?  Will they come back?  Have they abandoned us?

 

They could certainly survive out there.  But surely one disagreement isn't enough for them to leave.  Could I have upset them that badly?  Should I have not said a word?  Should I have just let it go?

 

My chest hurts and I'm crying.  Malcolm looks startled but pulls me close.  I try to keep quiet, I do.  And while I'm sure the others heard me, at least they gave me the illusion of privacy.  Because all of the fear and pain and uncertainty came bursting out and I couldn't stop it.

 

I didn't get loud, so that was good.  And no one bothered us.  Still, it's well onto midday when I can finally shake it off.  

 

Malcolm eyes me concerned but doesn't ask again.  And no one questions when I take the babies and push the stroller back outside.  They're sleeping peacefully for the walk back.

 

I get home to the smell of tomato sauce.  Carol had made spaghetti for lunch and the kids are all happily eating.  I wave to let them know I'm back but then I carry the babies upstairs so they can nap.  Someone had changed their diapers during my breakdown so I just have to move them to their bed.

 

I don't feel like going back downstairs.  I'm not hungry, just tired.  I kick off my boots by the door and toss my jacket on top of them.  I want a nap so I crawl into Sarah's bed and pull the covers up tight.  

 

The bed dips as Sarah crawls in with me.  Micah and Emmett crawl into their bed.  Carol hesitates in the doorway, holding a sleeping Evelyn.  I wave her off.  

 

I could tell her but I don't want to say it.  It will just make me cry again.  Because no one wants to be cast aside.  And that's what they did, isn't it.  They left.  Maybe they went on a run but maybe they decided that I'm just too much trouble.

 

I struggle to sing the lullibye, tears keep choking my voice.  But I still sing to them and they fall asleep easily enough.  I just wish I could sleep.  Even Riggs and Polly climbing up to lay on my legs doesn't help as much as I wish it did.

 

Our nap doesn't last long.  The babies wake first so I change them.  Then I carry them to the kitchen for a snack.  Jackie had fed them some mashed potatoes during the council discussion so they're not really hungry, more than likely just bored.  But I give them both some applesauce.

 

The other kids troupe down and I pass them each a cup of applesauce for snack with a bottled water.  The babies get restless so I put them in their walkers and let them loose.  Then I wipe the kids hands and tell them they can play in the living room.

 

Sarah asks me to braid her hair so I pull her close and start brushing.  Her chocolate brown hair is soft and thick and just barely longer than her shoulders so it's easy to braid.  And its soothing for us both to brush her hair.  I end up with two French braids trailing down both sides of the back of her head.  

 

The door opens, a guilty looking Merle steps in.  He's only wearing an old pair of jeans and a black t shirt with his leather vest.  No jacket or even long sleeves.  He looks around, skittish, and hesitates by the door.  

 

Daryl slips in behind him, crossbow slung over his shoulder as usual.  He's not wearing sleeves either, just a sleeveless black and grey flannel button up and jeans.  Both are dirty with their heads bowed in guilt. 

 

Carol comes through from the kitchen, freezes, then offers to take the kids out back to play.  I wave them off.  There's certainly no reason for the kids to hear this.

 

"Where'd y'all go?" I ask.

 

They share a glance but it's Daryl that answers, "Had a run, somethin important like that needed doin."

 

I nod, accepting the explaination.  I want to complain.  I want to yell or argue or just have them tell me.  But I'm too tired to start the fight all over again.  

 

So if they want to ignore what happened then I will too.  Because it hurt, it hurt a lot.  But I love them and I'm not sure if I can continue without them.  I need them, these two men who I built my world, my hopes on.  

 

I need them and I love them so I'm not going to fight about this anymore.  If I can forgive Carol then I can forgive them too.  Because it's the damn apocalypse.  That's no time to be petty.

 

I sniff, doing my best to push away the hurt.  And I press a small kiss to both of their cheeks.  They're forgiven.  I didn't have a right to be angry anyways.  After all, they're not mine to get jealous over.

 

Daryl catches my arm, his gaze questioning.  When I don't pull away or shrug him off, he pulls me to the bedroom.  Merle follows, hesitantly, wary even, but he follows.  

 

I shake my head when he tries to pull me onto the bed.  I don't want sex now.  I'm not hungry or horny or anything.  And I don't want them to claim me right now when I'm so tired.

 

Daryl sighs, "Just sit down, Darlin, we gonna talk.  Nothin else, promise."

 

I atill hesitate.  Because I know them enough to know that after any kind of heavy talk they want to claim.  And I'm just not in the mood for that right now.  

 

But his eyes are pleading and I can't deny him.  I can't deny either of them.  So I tell myself that it'll be alright just this once.

 

I crawl up to sit again at the wall, wanting something solid at my back.  They share another look, concerned and unreadable.  Then they both crawl forward on either side of me.  

 

They dont sit against the wall.  Instead, they sit facing me and only slightly angled towards each other.  I should wait for them to start but I'd rather just get this over with.

 

"I'm sorry I reacted so bad," I tell them.  "Was my own fault.  I was being stupid, thought we was something else.  Guess it's cause I'm young or somethin."

 

I try to shrug it off but tears are threatening to fall and I quickly look away.   There's a pained noise from Merle, something wounded.  But I don't turn back to look.  

 

They must think I'm such an idiot.  I try to rationalize it to them, "I mean y'all told me ya share women.  Ya told me it don't mean nothin, that it's just sex.  But I was bein a idiot an thought it was different."

 

I squeeze my eyes shut but the explaination comes out anyways,  "Ain't never dated before really.  Had a boyfriend for a week but didn't do more than hold his hand.  So y'all was all my first.  Guess I thought it meant somethin."

 

My throat closes, choked with emotion.  But I clear it away and add, mocking my own foolishness, "Had this whole mess in my head how we was family and gonna be together forever.  Even convinced myself that them kids is mine when I know they ain't.  Guess it's cause I'm young cause daddy always said young folks are stupid to believe that they understand the world."

 

I scratch angrily at my cheeks.  I didn't want to cry here again.  I'm tired of crying.  But I swipe the wetness from my cheeks and try to stop the tears from falling.

 

"Darlin," Merle chokes out, his voice thick.

 

It takes me a minute before I can look over at them.  It's a struggle to stop crying.  But when I look I see tears on their cheeks too.  Why are they crying?  I told them I've forgiven them.  I told them it was my misunderstanding.  Why are they crying? 

 

Daryl ducks his head, his hands hiding his face.  Merle shakes his head, looking lost.  I try again, "I'm not mad at ya.  I was tha stupid one.  I ain't mad."

 

But that doesn't seem to help.  If anything Merle looks more stricken.  Daryl lifts up, turns, and punches Merle square in the jaw.

 

I jump, startled at the sudden movement.  And while the hit rocks Merle he doesn't react beyond that.  Daryl is glaring at his brother as if looks could kill and Merle isn't looking up to see it.  

 

Daryl shakes his head, his voice choking on the words, "Ya ain't stupid an ya aint wrong.  We fucked up... Merle fucked up.  Ya ain't been nothin but good ta us."

 

Daryl scrubs roughly at his eyes and cheeks.  As if he thinks he can erase this weakness.  But then he shakes his head as if he can shake this all away.

 

"Want ya for forever," Daryl growls out, more pained than angry.  "Ya ain't like tha others.  They didn't mean nothin so sharin em wasnt nothin but dammit, Darlin... Charlie, we love ya.  I love ya.  It ain't just sex I want.  We're family, remember?"

 

"I wasn't thinkin," Merle says distractedly.  "Shoulda known better but I never had ta think on it before so it just didn't occur to me.  But yeah, I fucked up. And I got no right ta forgiveness. Cause if I loved ya how I thought I did I wouldnt have hurt ya like that."

 

I sniff, I want to let it go but I need to know.  I ask, "What are we?"

 

Merle sighs sadly, "We a family, Darlin.  You are ours an we're yours.  But me an Daryl want ya different. I want ya ta share ya but Daryl loves ya more than tha whole world.  And them are ya kids.  You their momma, don't forget that."

 

They share another look.  Something serious, almost charged, passes between them.  Then they turn back to look at me, their faces serious.

 

"Ya asked where we went, Darlin," Merle says.  "We told ya we had somethin important ta get."

 

Daryl pulls a soft cloth pouch from his pocket.  He holds it out to me.  I take it, spending the contents into my palm.  All I can do is blink in surprise.

 

Rings.  Two simple golden bands.  One is small and delicate.  One is larger, wider.  But both are similar enough to be a set.  

 

"I wanna marry ya," Daryl says.  "A ring for us each.  I'd be ya husband and ya'd be my wife."

 

I blink back in surprise.  Merle shifts nervously, "We ain't gonna share ya no more. Was our fault ya got hurt with this. I'll still take care of ya cause you'll be family, you'll be Daryls. But I won't ask ta share ya no more. Wasn't right I kept asking for it ta start with."

 

Merle slips from the bed, patting Daryls shoulder as he passes to leave us alone. I can't help but ask, "Ya sure ya wanna marry me?"

 

Daryl looks back evenly. There's more emotion in his eyes now than I've ever seen before. He nods in answer, as serious as he's ever been. I give the only answer I have, "Yes!"


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

 

Daryl and I had slipped on the rings, accepting the simple reality that we are married now.  But I guess Merle didn't get the memo.  Because at a communal lunch the next day, missing only those out on patrol, he addressed the group.

 

It's a cold day but not freezing.  So three crockpot of chili were made, one extra spicy.  And it is nice getting to gather with everyone beneath the canopies set up just outside the wall.

 

The land being so open meant that it was easy to set up tables and chairs.  The whole thing looked like some kind of party.  And the request was passed around all morning for everyone that could gather to do so.

 

Merle stands up, calling out loudly, "Alright ya sons of bitches, we aint just here ta chit chat.  We got us a couple weddins takin place today."

 

I blink up surprised.  A couple weddings?  Who's getting married?  When was this decided?  I twirl the gold band on my finger, debating telling him to hush.

 

He continues on, grinning and waving his arms as he talks, "First one we gonna have is these cocksuckers here, Oliver and Taylor."

 

I blink surprised before looking around for them.  Both are here, sitting on the far end.  Taylor has his face covered by his hands and Oliver gives an annoyed glare back at Merle.  Of course, Merle just ignores the reprimand.

 

"Now since the world's gone down the shitter, " Merle continues, "Ain't no reason for em not ta get hitched.  An since our council is doin awesome leadin us an shit we nominated Ranger Rick ta officiate the weddin for em."

 

Rick rises with an indulgent smile as Merle motions him to.  Then he smiles, addressing the group, "I have been nominated, as has Hershel, to be the ones to officiate marriage.  So after lunch we will have a small ceremony here where Oliver and Taylor will speak their own vows.  You are all welcome to attend."

 

"Yeah, yeah," Merle interiors, "y'all stay for them getting hitched.  An before supper, we gonna have another weddin."

 

He gives a proud shit eatin grin and points at us as he booms, "My lil brother Daryl's gonna marry his woman."

 

That gained some surprised looks but several smiles.  He's quick to explain, "World went ta shit an he found himself an Angel ta follow.  Family ain't just blood, it's the people willin ta kill and die for ya.  An she's family, sure as the sky is blue an the dead gonna try an eat ya.  So they gettin hitched before supper an all y'all welcome."

 

My cheeks are burning but I feel oddly pleased.  And Daryl looks back, hopeful.  There's that familiar question in his eyes.  The one I know so well.  So I lean over with a smile and kiss his lips, telling him, "I trust ya, Daryl Dixon, I love ya."

 

 Most people stayed for Taylor and Oliver's wedding.  There wasn't much fanfare.  Neither cared much for a long ceremony.  But both wanted to have a wedding to let the world know that they love each other.

 

They spoke their vows to one another.  It was really sweet.  

 

"I take you to be my best friend, my faithful partner, and my one true love.  I promise to encourage you and inspire you.  I will love you through the good times and bad.  I will be there to live life by your side.  We will share memories, adventures, and sorrows.  From this day until my last, I offer you my love."

 

Then Merle had Debra and Maggie drag me up to Ricks house while he dragged Daryl away.  I tried to ask questions but beyond a lot of giggling, neither would answer.  And several other women followed us, laughing.

 

I blink around in shock.  All around the room and draped over every surface are long clear bags.  There must be a hundred dresses... wedding dresses!

 

What followed was hilarious chaos.  All twelve of those who followed us were soon sorting through the dresses.  Then Maggie and Debra took charge and had me trying several on.

 

The first was a fluffy mess that reminded me of a scared chicken.  I put it on but we all were falling over in laughter.  Still, someone may love it so we were careful to slip it back into it's bag.

 

I couldn't help but ask, "Where did these all come from?"

 

Maggie laughs hysterically while Debra answers, "Them Dixons left off yesterday.  They came back with a white delivery van full of dresses and a pillowcase full of ring sets."

 

What?  This was their important business?  This stuff isn't necessary!  But as I look around at all the smiling faces I find myself feeling proud of them both.

 

The next dress is a sweetheart mermaid with a small train.  It's covered in delicate beading and lace.  It's beautiful and elegant but I can see Maggie's wistful smile so I tell them it's not the one for me.  

 

Before they bag it up I tell Maggie, "Best you keep that one.  It would look perfect on you."

 

She blushes and stammers for a moment.  And some of the others heard because they start encouraging her.  She relented to keep it but refuses to try it on right now.  Even when we all tell her how beautiful she will look.

 

The next I try is a long slick dress that reminds me of the Greek goddesses.  It has no beading or lace but their are plenty of belts that sparkle beautifully and can be added.  I shake a 'no' at this one.  It needs a taller woman than me.  

 

Five more dresses are lost for similar reasons.  But on the eighth dress I find the one I want.  Its shorter than most but not indecently so.  

 

There's lace and beading along the top and sleeves but from the waist down It has several layers of a chiffon like fabric.  It almost makes me think of a ballerina but not quite as the skirt doesn't puff up.  It makes me feel less like a kid playing dress up.  

 

By that point I'm rushed upstairs for a quick bath.  It's wonderful to scrub clean but I don't have the time to really relax.  Then I'm out and drying off.  Someone even found a hairdryer.

 

Debra pins up my hair with little white flower pins.  They help me into the dress and even add a silver and diamond belt at the waistline.  Since the brothers didnt grab shoes I just pick a clean pair of light brown boots.  

 

Then I'm being urged back outside.  We slip down the road and out past the gate.  The canopies are still up but the tables have been moved to the sides.  Chairs sit with a small aisle down the center.  There's lanterns lit and candles in mason jars decorating the tables so it's all very bright.  

 

The wind is cooler now as evening is falling.  It almost makes me wish I had chosen a longer dress.   But then I catch sight of Daryl and the cold doesn't matter.  Because my heart is pounding loud enough to drown out everything else.

 

Daryl stands there beside Rick.  His normal attire of jeans and cut up t-shirts is gone.  Instead he's wearing black slacks with a light grey button up shirt and a black suit jacket.  I stumble slightly at the sight, barely recognizing him.

 

His hair is clean, brushed soft to the side.  And he's shaved recently.  Although his expression is hilarious.  He looks shocked, his eyes turning red as he struggles to swallow the tears.  I'm not much better.

 

I reach his side and were both grinning like fools.  Rick calls to everyone, beginning the simple ceremony, "Love is patient, love is kind.  Love is a powerful emotion.  It give a you the strength to become more than you were.  Today we celebrate how the love of two people can bind their souls together."

 

At a glance from Rick, Daryl begins.  He says, "Because of ya, I'm happy.  I got hope, a family, a greater purpose than I should have."

 

"I'm not perfect," he struggles to say.  "I get mad an I say stupid stuff.  I'm old an scared an just a dumb redneck.  I'm grumpy an I don't talk good an I probably won't ever change.  I dont deserve ya, Darlin."

 

Tears roll down my cheeks.  I want to tell him he's wrong.  I want to tell him that he's perfect.  I want to tell him I love him and trust him.

 

"But I love ya cause you're my heaven on earth," he admits without a hint of embarrassment that I would expect.  "I love ya with all I am, even if it ain't much.  But I love ya an I wanna be with ya til the whole world turns ta dust.  So long as there's still a speck o life on this cursed rock, I'll love ya."

 

I squeeze his hands, wishing I could say something half as perfect.  Rick nods to me and I have to try three times before I can speak.  I'm crying but I'm smiling so much my cheeks hurt and I don't think I've ever been so happy.

 

"I chose you, Daryl, just as you are," I tell him.  "I chose ya to be yourself cause I want no other than you.  I will be here when ya want ta be quiet.  I'll listen when ya want ta talk.  I'll be here for tha laughter and I'll support ya through the tears."

 

He huffs a laugh and scratches at his cheeks.  He never did like showing weakness in front of others.  And he always gets embarrassed when I tell him he's worth something.

 

I continue stronger, no longer overwhelmed by tears, "I wasn't much when ya found me.  I was scared an lost."

 

He shakes his head.  I can already see the argument there, the rebuttal.  He would say I was doing just fine when they found me.  He would say that I was the important one.  

 

But none of us would've survived without him.  We all needed each other to build this place.  It never would've happened any other way.

 

I squeeze his hands, not giving him the chance to deny.  And I tell him, "But you made me brave, ya taught me to survive, you made me stronger than I ever was."

 

Again he huffs.  He and Merle are always saying I'm the smart on but it's them.  They're the ones we need to create this new world.  They're the ones we couldn't survive without.  He's the one I can't live without.  

 

I look into his eyes, wanting him to know that this is the soul deep truth,  "I make ya this vow.  I promise ta love ya til the end of all time.  I swear ta care for you, to trust you, an ta never doubt you.  No matter what comes, no matter what this world throws at us, you'll always have me.  I trust ya, Daryl Dixon, an I want ya to be with me for all time."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

 

Winter fades to spring.  Or rather winter and spring have a fistfight over who's in charge.  There's a thick frost one day only for people to walk around in shorts and dresses the next.  Then theres torrential rains that look like they're trying to wash us all away.  Which is followed by biting wind and cool fog on the windows.  

 

It's insane but it's also normal.  The only reason it feels so bad now is because of all the things we have to do without.  We may have generators but we don't run central heat or air because of how badly it would drain our fuel.  In fact, the only thing the generators run are the kitchens.

 

We weren't idle this winter.  The last week of November had Michonne returning from a run with a few extras.  A quiet, nervous man named Bob and three older teens.  

 

They were running from the cursed and would've been torn apart if Michonne's team hadn't been nearby.  And there's a lot of hero worship for Michonne from the three boys.  Not that anyone blames them.  

 

In fact, a comment they made to Michonne about wanting to sword fight too lead to a discussion amongst the council.  We've been doing well with ammo, all things considered.  And we will usually take out the cursed with spears (sharpened sticks) or knives.  But teaching everyone alternative weapons was a very sound decision.

 

So starting in what we think was the first week of December, Merle and Daryl lead the training.  Bushels of hay were stacked against the outside of the wall with paper targets on them.  Then bows and arrows were passed around.  Those with good enough aim got better bows.  

 

Then they raided some fantasy store.  I didn't really understand what it was but they had a load of swords and daggers and maces and battle axes.  That too was hilarious to watch.  You would think we had some kind of renaissance fair going on out there.   

 

But everyone was having fun and learning well.  More signed up for border patrol.  The three teen boys that Michonne found were the first but several followed.

 

It helped when we found a group holding up in an old bank.  No idea why they thought that would work but I guess they figured the vault would keep them safe.  They saw Glenns team hitting a nearby shopping strip for clothes and called to them.

 

Now, my first thought would be the old Stranger Danger.  That's the rule we live by now days.  Especially when I got a look at the big guy that approached Glenn.  And I can totally understand why Maggie tried to shoot him.

 

Billy is the embodiment of a Neanderthal in appearance.  From his dark hair and black eyes to his large forehead and sharply squared jaw.  That's not to mention the fact that he's six foot nine and as solid as a tree trunk with wide shoulders,  muscular arms, and thick legs.  

 

To be honest, I jumped a bit when I saw him.  Because he's big and his voice sounds like some dark growling beast from the depths of hell.  Like, I didn't even know a voice could sound that deep.   

 

Yeah, we were all startled by his appearance.  But Glenn just slapped his arm, all friendly like, and introduced him like it was nothing.  And Billy, well, his whole face brightened like the sun at dawn.

 

Poor guy, must be so used to people being scared of him.  But he's a sweet one.  Strong and vicious when riled because I have seen him crush a walkers head when it got too close to me during patrol.  But also incredibly sweet when he always says maam like my Daryl.

 

His group is mostly men, all between their twenties and thirties.  Although there are seven women among the lot.  All are strong.  Several look like athletes or something.  And while it's clear that they've suffered for food and lost some weight, it's nothing dangerous on any of them.

 

It was a little nerve racking letting them in.  Too many new strong people held the potential for things to go south really quickly.  But they're good people and they all have been quick to help where needed.

 

One is... well, I don't really know what he did before the end.  But CB has salt and pepper hair shaved close on the sides and a thick black mustache.  Hes always tinkering with something and he breathes more nicotine than air.  But he was a damn good find.

 

Our rather primitive guesses as to solar power and water filtration have changed drastically.  I'll honestly say that I don't understand a word of what he's talking about but he's a genius either way.  So we sort of just give him free reign with what we being in.

 

Merle and CB have hit it off amazingly.  They're always laughing and sharing inside jokes.  Or at least the one about the bomb better be a joke.  I'm sure he's not building a bomb.  He better not be building a bomb. I'll have Hershel check to be sure.  That man can talk anyone around in that gentle way of his.

 

But with the winter additions our numbers have doubled.  It's a little troubling from just having so many personalities in one place.  But we also got the border complete and stationed RVs every two miles along the road within it. So we're not all crowded within the wall now.

 

Most of Billy's crew as we've taken to calling them, have requested border patrol so they can have their own RV.  So we have them stationed in a pattern alternating with those already on patrol.  It seems to be going well.

 

And they've all gone through weapons training well.  In fact, it's fucking terrifying to see Billy swinging the double bladed axe around.  But when a small group slipped past the border before it was complete and reached the fence, well, it was certainly good to have him there then.

 

There was one more addition.  One that came in screaming and covered in blood in our infirmary.  One that left Rick a ghost of himself.  One that had Carl stepping forward to take a responsibility that wasn't his. 

 

Shane and Lori had survived when they separated.  They had wondered around for over a month before they fell in with some cops in the city.  They thought they had their safe haven.  And for Shane, it was.

 

But those in charge were abusing the system they put in place.  People were beaten, raped, and forced to work.  The cops even went out and hurt people just to being them back to the hospital they were holed up in.  

 

Lori was even able to tell us what happened to Andrea and Amy.  The cops had picked them both up.  By that point Lori no longer trusted any of the cops, Shane included.  

 

She tried to protect them, shield them.  But she was heavily pregnant at the time and could barely get around herself.  It just wasn't enough.

 

The cops had attacked them.  Or at least a group of them had.  And while Andrea tried to fight back it ended with Amy dead on the floor.  Something in Andrea broke that day.

 

It was Andrea that let the cursed in.  She gathered those she could, including Lori, and tried to get them out.  But the chaos was too uncontrolled and more were lost than were saved.

 

Andrea herself was bitten during the escape.  But she got three people out.  And she tried to give them directions to us.  She was trying to help them.  

 

But the road was difficult and they had no means but to walk.  It was pure luck that Ricks team found them.  And he got her back here.  We fed her supper.  And before we could even put up the plates she had gone into labor.  

 

It went bad fast.  She tried pushing but only blood came out.  Lisa, Hershel, and Darnell were all working on her together.  They tried to save her, we all saw that.  

 

But she was too weak.  She lost too much blood.  And while the baby survived, Lori' s body was burned with the dawn.

 

Rick is still hesitant.  More often than not it's Herhels youngest Beth, a woman named Raven from the RV group, or Carl that holds the baby.  But she's healthy and cared for and that's all that matters.

 

We have another worry.  Lord's baby was born healthy and we don't know if she was full term or not but we think she must've been.   But regardless, she was healthy for these times.

 

Hollie, on the other hand, admits that her boys were born early and small.  And we dont have the equipment we need for a premature birth.  So were planning a run to a small county hospital.  Hopefully they will have what we need.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

 

The hospital is a new build in a small town.  It's not far down the highway, another recent addition.  And there are two new subdivisins across from it.

 

It's four stories high with large glass windows.  They rise up in a protruding column that is probably where the elevator rises up.  The size of the base isn't much bigger than a normal grocery store.  The tower that rises up is slightly smaller.

 

There's the remains of the front garden.  The trees are only a little taller than a person with long spindly limbs.  There are no flowers because winter killed them and the fountain is full of thick red water.

 

The parking lot is a small thing with only two rows in a crescent around the front.  There are a few cars and trucks left abandoned but not many.  Not to mention all the blood smears and decomposed bodies.  The smell of rot and death is all I can smell.

 

We're cautious when we pull up.  We pass the main entrance and circle to the right where the outpatient and labor and delivery signs are located.  We pull under the awning so that it will be easier to load the short delivery truck when we come back out.

 

Rick is leading our group so he calls everyone to stay close.  There's several bodies laying still on the ground but we don't know if any will get up.  So we make quick work of stabbing the heads of those nearby.  It's better to be cautious than dead, after all.

 

We wouldn't be risking this, a hospital run, if it were not an emergency.  We were going to wait a bit later. Especially since both Michonne's team and Glenns team took both the Dixons on their run. But we had to send out a third team, we couldn't wait.

 

Something is wrong with Hollie.  She's running a fever and in pain.  Not to mention she's pale and can barely lift her head.  She's been moved to the infirmary so that Lisa can keep her monitored but there are things she needs that we don't have.

 

T dog pries the doors open with a crowbar.  The air is stale and reeks of rot and mold.  It's a horrible choking smell that makes you want to run far away.  It's dark inside but we have large flashlights that shine a bright blue light.  

 

Rick leads, T dog guards our back, and the rest of us stay close.  We don't walk to tightly together because we may need to run or fight.  But everyone here is accustomed to the threat of the runs so we know we can trust each other.

 

There's a waiting room we pass with cursed standing inside.  It's for an outpatient clinic but it looks like they baracaded themselves in so we ignore them for now.  Another door is blocked from the outside.  It doesn't have a window so we can't see what's inside but by the sounds within there are at least a few cursed.

 

The elevator is ahead.  The door is open revealing that it's empty except for puddles of blood and a chewed on arm.  It was probably stuck open with a body in the way before the electricity went out.

 

There's a door beside it with a sign identifying it as the stairwell.  We slip in, mindful of how loud the door is when it echoes up into the concrete tower.  The steps are white with a dark blue metal railing that goes up.

 

Rick calls us to gather around.  He only goes halfway up the first set of stairs.  After checking up a bit to be sure we have time, he turns to address the group.

 

"Tom, Darnell, and Raven are gonna run to the pharmacy," he orders quietly.  "Grab everything that's there."

 

They nod agreement.  Darnell as our healer will hopefully know what medications we can give to Hollie and potentially her baby. Tom is one of the boys that came with Bob and hes very fast. And Raven used to work as a phlebotomist, she collected patients blood samples. So the three of them should have this well in hand.

 

Then they slip out the door.  Darnell said that the labs and pharmacies are usually on the first floor so they will check for that. He and Raven both promise that there are signs posted clearly to guide them if they get lost and most hospitals are setup the same.   Hopefully it will be an easy find.

 

"Charlie," he calls my attention.  "You take Beth, Jami, and Eddie with you.  I want y'all to gather the supplies in the labor department.  Anything and everything."

 

We share a smile at that.  He's more than aware of my hoarding tendencies.  And Jami and Eddie are both from the RV group.  They've been a tremendous help, taking any job without complaint.  So they're a good team to have.

 

Beth is new at this.  It was like pulling blood from a rock to get Hershel to agree to let us bring her.  But he did agree, reluctantly.  So she gets to come with us.

 

I slip up the stairs with the others following.  Rick will take the rest with him to get the big equipment.  We will need an ultrasound machine as well as a newborn incubator.  It will be our job to grab everything else.

 

The women's pavilion is on the second floor while the nursery and post delivery rooms are on the third.  Ricks team will stop on the second as that's where the bulk of the equipment will be.  We head up to the third.

 

The door opens into a bright hall.  There's large open windows directly ahead of us with a small sitting area.  Then hall curves around the corner and splits further.  

 

There's not really anything here besides the windows and the few chairs in front of it.  There's a few bloodstains on the wall and floor but overall it's not that bad.  So we slip around the corner.

 

It's darker here but still well lit.  There's a hall that goes behind the elevator with a few rooms.  The first is a storage room while the other two are employee locker rooms.  

 

We start with the locker rooms.  There isn't much to find.  A few of the lockers have some snacks and there's a case of unopened bottle water in the corner.  We did find two rolling carts so that may help.

 

The storage room doesn't have much we need.  There's blankets and pillows and hospital gowns and socks.  While we could take them it would just weigh us down at this point so I tell them to leave it.

 

The next hallway has a nurses station.  A cursed, half eaten and missing her legs, tries to reach for us.  Jami move swiftly to end it.  

 

There are two rooms back here, both for storage.  One is full of diapers and formula so we load the backpacks and carts with them.  It fills everything we have so we decide to make the trip down to drop them off.

 

It's an easy thing to take the supplies down.  We couldn't bring the carts but it was easy enough to navigate the stairwell with our arms full of supplies.  And we may be feeling false confidence since it's all been going so well.  But we take the supplies down and load them into the delivery truck.  

 

The trip back up is equally as uninteresting.  We do pass a few of the guys from Ricks team carrying down a large bulky machine.  It has two large screens, a whole lot of buttons, and a few knobs and rolling balls.  It's interesting but I've never seen one before so I'm not sure if it's the ultrasound machine or not.  

 

We slip back out on the third floor.  It's still bright and clear.  So we head back to the nurses station to clear the other storeroom.  

 

This one is full of gloves and IV supplies.  There's even a few machines on wheels that look like they are what you hook up the IV to.  So we grab everything, loading it all into bags and on the carts.

 

It takes two trips because of the IV poles we're taking.  And we see another set from Ricks group carrying down a newborn incubator.  It's heavy and they're struggling so we stay close to guard them.

 

We wait for them to finish loading before we go back inside.  The cursed in the locked waiting room are moaning loudly.  But they're trapped so we don't spare them a second thought.

 

The trip up is clear and we don't even hesitate as we reach the nurses station.  Three hallways lead off from here.  The two that cross the one we entered both end after ten rooms.  The other hall across from us passes another nurses station before it reaches a double set of doors.

 

I lead the others to glance in the rooms on the left side hall first.  Hopefully there will be some supplies we can take.  Most have these small carts holding a plastic bassinet for the baby.  

 

We gather the supplies from the bassinet.  There's a pack of wipes, diapers, and both cans of formula and bottles of a premade mix.  We grab it all, stuffing our packs.  

 

There's a half eaten body in the bed and blood smeared all over the plastic baby bed beside it.  There's no other cursed but there are bags on the couch behind the bed.  I sort through the bags while Beth and Jami empty the baby cart.

 

There are lots of clothes for a newborn baby boy as well as pacifiers and two baby blankets.  The other bag has a cloth wrap so I grab that and the box of pads but leave the clothes.  I take the baby bag, slipping it over my shoulder, but leave the woman's bag.

 

The woman's body is moving but there's not enough of it to pose a threat.  Still, Eddie slips forward to stab a knife into her skull.  No one comments on it because we all understand.  

 

We pass back out and go across the nurses station to the other small hall.  None of these rooms were used so it's just a matter of emptying the baby carts.  Then we pass back to check the other long hall.

 

Theres four rooms between the two stations.  One is a snack room with an ice maching and two vending machines.  Eddie takes a tool kit from his pack and manages to pop open the front panel.  It's not completely open but it's open enough that we can pull out the snacks within.

 

The other nurses station has a broken computer, a leg abandoned below the desk, but no cursed to see.  We find two supply closets behind this desk, similar to the other, so we empty them both.

 

Two more trips down get those closets empty.  The delivery truck is slowly filling as the other group has been carrying stuff down.  It's odd that we haven't seen Darnell's group yet but I'm sure they're fine.

 

We head back up.  This time we see the nursery to the right of the second nurses station so we slip inside.  There's a lot of formula and diapers as well as jars of ointments and medicines.

 

We grab it all.  Eddie and Jami even manage to grab one of the big incubators.  It's heavy but we find T dog on the stairs so he helps us carry it down.  Most of the others are waiting nervously around the delivery truck.

 

"We still haven't seen Darnell's group yet,"  Rick says.  "Not sure how long we should wait."

 

I can understand his concern.  We decide they've had enough time to get back so they must be stuck somewhere.  So do we risk going in for them or do we leave them to it?

 

Rick makes the call, asking for volunteers.  I offer, so does T dog.  Rick orders the others to take the delivery truck and one of the other two trucks.  They are ordered to head back.  The rest of us will look for Darnell, Tom, and Raven.  And we'll have the second pickup truck to drive back if we need.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

 

They never made it to the pharmacy.  We found the blood smears.  And there was the cursed still eating them.  But there's no clue why they never got a shot off.  At least one of them should've fired a gun.

 

The hall we started on shot back in a straight line.  It had the same cream and white floors and beige walls as the rest of the hallways. There were three halls and another elevator before you reached the tower elevators.  Then the hall split off in three directions.  

 

Directly ahead went only about twenty feet before it made a sharp right.  The left side ended quickly with two options, pharmacy and lab.  The right hall stretched on for a while.  It passes their loading dock as well as their kitchens.  And that's where the blood is smeared.

 

The cursed are too busy still eating to notice us.  But Ravens gun is on the floor at the turn of the right hallway.  Rick slips forward enough to grab it without gaining their attention.  He holds it up with a frown to show that the safety is still on.

 

So did they not have their guns out at all?  Why didn't they have the safety off?  I glance around the corner and suddenly feel dizzy.  The sheer amount of Cursed in that hall is overwhelming. 

 

There must be a hundred of them. And with no windows down this hall it's difficult to really see them clearly. But we can't risk our flashlights drawing their attention. It's not like it's important to count them. But we can certainly hear them eating, a sickening sound.

 

I start to back away.  We can't get past them and its not worth the risk.  Rick is already standing, motioning us back.  But then T dog screams.

 

A cursed has latched onto him, biting his shoulder.  I freeze, trying to track where it came from when I see another come out as well.  They followed us!  They followed us down the hall!  And now there's a whole lot more of them. We can't go back! We're trapped!

 

Rick grabs my arm, pulling me to run.  The cursed down the right hall are slowly turning this way. Moans sound from ahead show that we can't go that way. That only leaves one option.  He pulls me to the left.

 

Two small dark windows and two doors, one on either side of the hall.  We take the left one marked Pharmacy.  The door opens easy and Rick hurries to push it back shut.

 

I glance around quickly for anything that will help.  There's cabinets built in with chest high counters.  Above that are built in shelves holding numerous bottles.  

 

There's a center island of sorts with the same cabinets and the same countertop.  Four rolling chairs and three computer monitors sit uselessly.   Theres some pipes like they have at the bank that take and send you stuff.  But nothing big to block the door.

 

Rick grunts as he's forced back a step.  But he turns to press his back against the door and shifts one foot against the nearest counter to help him hold it closed.  I move forward, past the island and the useless computers.  The beam of my flashlight is shaking as I sweep it around the room.

 

There's a small hall here with three carts full of plastic bins holding medicine bags.  There's two doors just beyond that.  One opens to an office with a nice desk whole the other opens to a break room.  Damn!

 

Okay, okay, I can figure this out.  There's only the door and window we have to secure and something here can block it.  It doesn't have to be heavy, just something to buy us time.

 

I glance again at the carts.  Their made of a strong metal with three shelves and small rails to hold the bins inside.  If we turn them over onto their side and wedge them between the door and the counter then it should work.

 

I push the first one forward.  Rick gives a pained look but he nods, understanding that there is literally nothing else.  So I push it as close as I can, line it up and shove it over.

 

Rick has to crawl over it to get out but it works to hold the door.  A loud splintering crack draws our attention to the small window.  Its only the size of a computer monitor and the glass appears to be bulletproof.  Theres also a small half circle cut from the bottom and a mirrored cut in the counter beneath it to allow items to be passed through.

 

But there's two cursed pressing tight against the glass which is starting to bend forward.  Damn!  "We need a map," I tell him.  "There'll be one with an exit plan, it'll give us tha layout."

 

I still have my backpack and we don't have much time so I start grabbing bottles off the shelf and shoving them in.  Rick scoffs but I snap back, "We came for this shit so we're damn sure gonna take it!"

 

He rubs his face tiredly, "You're right, I just wasn't expecting this."

 

"We're damn lucky this herd was all in the ground floor and not on the higher levels," I tell him.  "But we need this medicine so I'm taking it.  You find us an escape route."

 

I don't look at the labels, I just grab them all.  I do recognize when I grab a box of epi pens.  But the rest are just bottles and packets.

 

There are two fridges in here, one white and one with a glass front.  My pack is already full so I search around for another.  The break room helps with that.  There's a grey backpack and two large lunchbags.  I empty all three and take them back.

 

In the white fridge sits stacks of bags.  I glance at one to see some long name I have no hope of pronouncing.  Medicine maybe?  So I fill the backpack with them.  Then I empty all the little vials from the glass front fridge into the two lunch bags.

 

Rick passes me four boxes of fluid filled syringes, each individually wrapped.  I don't know what's in them but surely they will help.  I fit them in where I can but I run out of room first.  

 

He comes over with a large plastic bag, like the kind you put your clothes in at the hospital.  We put the rest of the syringes in there with several boxes of needles and empty syringes.  He takes the second backpack and one of the lunchbags so I carry the rest.

 

The cursed are still ramming the door but so far it's holding.  The same can't be said for the window.  It's broken down the center and one cursed is already climbing in.  

 

"What now," I ask, unable to look away from the cursed man in scrubs that halfway through.

 

Rick makes a pained sound, "We go up, ceiling tiles.  Nothing else we can try."

 

So... He couldn't find us an escape route.  Who designed this place without an escape route? We'll just have to make it up as we go along.  It's easy to climb up on the countertop but Rick has to help me reach the ceiling tiles.  

 

It's dark inside and dusty.  There's ducts and aluminum looking things going this way and that.  I can even see where the bank pipes go from here.  

 

He pushes me up until I can pull myself through.  The flashlight works less here than it did in the pharmacy.  But then again I wasn't trying to look so hard down there.

 

I don't crawl forward much because I'm not sure how safe this is.  Rick climbs up behind me and slips past me with a warning to move where he moves.  I do my best to follow.

 

It's not easy.  Beyond being dark there just isn't much room to move up here.  Most of the tiles will fall with the barest touches.  So we can only move along certain paths.  But he keeps moving so I follow.

 

We don't go far really.  Maybe we can't, it's hard to tell.  But my best guess puts us past the kitchen and across from the loading docks.  

 

There are several tiles missing here and the light fixtures are hanging lifeless.  But there's plenty of light coming in from windows.  So when Rick motions that we'll climb down I don't bother to argue.

 

He moves first, careful to be as silent as possible.  After a quick look around he motions for me to pass the bags down.  Then when I lower myself he is there to grab my waist to ease my fall.

 

This hall seems to box in a courtyard of some sort.  It's surrounded by windows and glass doors but there's picnic benches and what may have once been flowers.   
It must lead outside.   We gather rip the bags and head that way.

 

The door opens easily and we slip out.  It doesn't take long to realize that the courtyard really is a square... a solid square.  The damn thing doesnt go anywhere! Who designed this thing? Did they want to get people killed? Honestly!

 

Cursed are banging on the windows.  There are several along the other walls but now even the way we came is blocked.  Shit!  What do we do now?

 

I look around but there is literally nothing here.  Just picnic tables and benches.  No way out, no path to follow.  So I try looking up.  

 

There's a glass ceiling three stories up.  And windows cage us in on each floor that rises up.  But some of the windows are broken in places and most don't have cursed loitering about.

 

 I point it out to Rick who is quick to understand.  Then it's just a matter of figuring out how to climb.  Because the dead are not just banging on the windows, they're also trailing along the hall.  And its only a matter of time before they find the door.

 

He grabs my arm, pulling me along to the far corner.  There's a thin pipe here that I honestly don't think will hold our weight.  But its in a tight corner so we may be able to push off of the walls to climb higher.  And theres even broken windows just two floors up.

 

He pushes me to go first and I try.  I grip the pipe with both hands and push against the corner with my feet. My first attempt barely gets me off the ground. Then I slip and slide down.

 

My arm burns.  I glance down to see blood pourning out of a long cut down my forearm.  With a muttered curse I wave him to go ahead.  He tries to argue but I show him my arm and remind him that my blood will make it more difficult for him to climb.

 

Glass shatters nearby, a window is broken.  Rick hurries to climb and I watch a second so that I can mimic his moves.  He doesn't go high before he's turning and firing at the few cursed that have gotten into the courtyard. I fire a few rounds but I don't have time to keep it up. I need to climb!

 

I pull myself up again.  Thankfully my boots catch on the bricks well enough to help.  And I see the broken split in the pipe that tore open my arm.  But I don't have time to patch it up now because the cursed are coming.

 

It's not easy.  I'm shouting curses and I slip several times.  There's a crowd of Cursed beneath me and more than once I think I can feel them reaching for me. Rick keeps glancing back fearfully.  My arm is burning and even my shoulders feel the strain.  

 

Rick disappears into the third floor.  I almost want to yell for him to come back.  But I can't even yell curses any more.   My arms are shaking and I'm still loosing blood which is making the wall slick and my boots slide.  The cursed are still crowded beneath my feet.

 

I start to cry, great shaking sobs.  My arms are trembling.  The injured one is burning.  I'm so tense I think my spine will snap and I don't know what to do!

 

Something hits my side and I scream.  But when I glance over I see a firehose hanging down.  I follow it up to Rick.  

 

Oh, oh right, he found a way to help me up.  Of course he didn't leave me.  I knew that.  I never doubted.

 

It's not easy grabbing the hose because my arm is slick with blood.  But I press my boots and my knees into the corner and do my best to pull the hose closer.  He nods that he's ready so I shift my other arm to the hose and pull.

 

I slide down.  Not much but enough to make me scream. And this time I do feel something pull at my boot.  Rick holds the hose steady on his end.  

 

I twist my arm around the hose and grip it tight.  Then it's just a matter of holding on as he slowly pulls me up.  It's not easy.  In fact its the most terrified I've been.  But it works.

 

As soon as I'm close enough to the window he grabs me and pulls me in.  There's a sudden slack from him releasing the hose but I have a good enough grip on the windowsill that I don't fall.  And he pulls me through.

 

I'm sweaty and aching and crying and bleeding.  I want Daryl.  I want Daryl right now!

 

Rick tries to shush me.  The bandage in his hand is turning red as he tries to wrap it quickly around my arm.  I'm going to need stitches I'm sure.  But we don't have the time or knowledge.  We need to get out of here while the dead are distracted.

 

We get down the hall and to the stairwell that we originally came up.  But I can't make it down half a flight before I'm slipping down.  Rick grabs me up, pulling me along.

 

I'm dizzy and tired and my arms aren't working right.  Something is wrong with me.  Did I loose too much blood?  How much blood did I loose?  How much blood is it safe to loose?

 

The ground floor of the stairwell opens up to an empty hall.  There's a door where the hall turns that's still open.  A cursed comes stumbling through.

 

Rick ignores it.  He just pulls me as he hurries down the hall.  The cursed in the waiting room are still banging on the door.  The sunlight is coming through the open doors ahead.  

 

My knees buckle.  He grunts but scoops me up quickly enough.  Then he's running outside with me.

 

There's cursed here.  Walking around nearby.  He slips past them and shoves me I to the truck.  

 

His gun comes up.  The walker falls but it was damn close.  He shoots four more as he hurries around to the drivers side.

 

I'm kinda cold.  It's a warm day.  I don't think I should feel cold.  But it's very cold now and I can't stop shivering.  I should also tell Rick to slow down because hes driving too fast.  But I'm too tired to care.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

 

I wake to darkness.  There's a soft flickering light from across the room.  I follow it to a small tea light candle.  It doesn't offer much light but it's enough for me to know I'm home.  Or at least I'm in the infirmary of Hill house.

 

One of the IV machines is next to the bed with a bag slowing dripping down a tube.  I follow it to my left arm where the IV is taped down.  Then I glance at my right and see fresh white bandages covering from wrist to elbow.

 

A soft pained sound draws my attention.  Daryl sits at the foot of my bed, watching me with dry red eyes.  And now I feel less than three inches tall.

 

Because I shouldn't have gone on the run.  It was decided that anyone who became pregnant would be exempt from runs.  We just can't risk the babies.  So I never should've gone.

 

He doesn't say anything.  He keeps a grip on my ankle and he watches me with sorrowful eyes.  But he doesn't yell or question or accuse.  Although he doesn't have to because I'm already hurting enough.

 

We should've waited for him and the others to get back.  But with how sick Hollie was and Lisa saying we needed all this stuff for a premature baby, we panicked.  Rick made the call to take a run but I backed him.  It was both of our faults.

 

Not to mention that me and Rick went back inside.  We knew the others were dead.  We knew but we were arrogant and stupid.  We could've just left the second truck in case they came back out.  But we chose to go looking for them.  

 

We didn't even need the crap from the pharmacy.  We have enough medicine.  We really just needed machines.  And we already had them.  But because we were greedy and arrogant we lost people, we nearly died ourselves.

 

It was foolish of us.  But since we didn't run into any Cursed we thought that the hospital was mostly clear.  We didn't hear gunshots so we didn't think they had any trouble.  

 

We took our good luck for granted and it had a price.  We were arrogant and stupid and because of our mistakes, our carelessness, we lost good people.  We lost Darnell, Tom, Raven, and T dog.

 

A sob escapes me.  I try to reach for Daryl.  I need him!  I need him to hold me.

 

His weight settles on top of me.  He's careful of both my arms as he shifts his body to rest between my thighs.  It's not sexual, he's just pressing as much of himself to me as he can.

 

I pull him close, burying my face in his neck.  He holds himself up on his forearms to keep some of his weight off of my chest.  I cling with shaking hands, pulling him lower.  I need his weight against me.  I need to feel him, to know he's real.

 

He pulls back to give me a concerned look.  Then he shifts up to his knees.  I reach for him, I need him, but he just shushed me.  

 

He pulls at my pants, undoing the buttons and zipper and slipping them off.  Then he tugs my underwear away.  I watch as he undies his own pants, pushing them down but not taking them off.  Then he settles lower on me.

 

I'm not ready, my body is still a bit panicked.  But he kisses and touches until I'm relaxed enough to take him in.  Then he slides back up, slipping into me with a practiced ease.  

 

His movements are slow, barely there thrusts.  He presses kisses to my lips and cheeks.  I stroke his arms and shoulders and chest.  For all that he's inside me were both more focused on the touching and kisses.

 

It's never ending but there's no rush.  I keep my legs wrapped around his waist as he stays seated inside me.  Neither of us want to finish because neither of us wants to let go.  We both relax more and more with each kiss and stroke.

 

By the time sunlight is peaking in the windows we are both calm and relaxed.  Our focus shifts from reassuring each other that we're here to chasing the pleasure of being alive.  His thrusts take on a rhythm, movements sharper, harder.  His kisses more distracting, deeper.  And neither of us are quiet when we reach our peak.

 

We cling to each other, unwilling to seperate even as our mix starts to dry.  There's a pain low in my belly.  Nothing severe but just uncomfortable from so much stimulation.  And he seems to notice when our joining becomes uncomfortable for me.

 

He slips from me and the bed.  There's a pack of wipes on the low table in the middle of the room so he gets them.  He cleans me first then cleans himself.  His touch stays gentle and lingering but he's careful not to hurt.

 

Then he slips my underwear back on and drapes a blanket over me.  I tug him to join me.  He relents to crawl over me to lay against the wall.  I shift to my side and he wraps around me, spooning me tightly against his chest.

 

"I'm sorry," I offer quietly, "I never should've gone.  I knew better but I was arrogant."

 

He sighs, a long warm breath against my neck.  "Ain't ya fault," he answers.  "Rick told me about what happened.  I wish ya hadn't left Pheonix but I understand why ya did."

 

I don't deserve his forgiveness.   Guilt sits heavily in my gut.  He must know that because he squeezes my waist tighter, pressing kisses against my neck and shoulder.

 

I press against him, needing to feel his strength.  He grips me tight enough to bruise but not really hurt.  He would never hurt me, I trust him.  But he knows that I need him to hold me tight so he does.

 

It's amazing really, how well we understand each other.  He's always said more with actions than words.  And somehow I can read him clearly when he does.  I love that we have that connection.  

 

I know in my heart that Daryl and I are made for each other, soulmates.  God created us for one another to survive this world.  Because we never would've met otherwise.  In the world before, he never would've approached me.    

 

And I still believe in God.  I still believe he has a plan.  And I believe that this was his plan, having us rebuild the world.  And I believe that he made sure we found each other because he made us to complete and compliment each other.

 

Lisa slips in the room.  She goes across to the other bed beneath the window.  I didn't even notice that Hollie was in here.  Thank goodness her boys weren't here too.

 

She is pale and sweaty, that I can see from a distance.  Her belly pushes up in a large mound at seven months.  Or at least we think she's seven months.  We're assuming that it's March already but we don't know if it's the first or second week.

 

There's an IV pole set up with two bags, one large like mine and another smaller one.  Lisa checks her over, touching her wrist and using a stethoscope to listen to her chest.  She doesn't look good but she also doesn't look worse.

 

Then she takes a small hand held machine.  It's a white box shape with a small wand thing on a cord.  She lifts the blanket and Hollie's shirt to expose her pale belly.  Then she squirts a bit of gel and presses the wand over her belly.

 

Theres a static sound thats soon joined by a shushing sound.  It's fast and rhythmic but identifiable as a heartbeat.  Lisa listens for a minute before wiping her off.  Then she pulls her shirt back down and lays the blanket back over her.

 

I watch her making notes in a composition book.  We don't really have files or anything so she's using comp books and notebooks to keep up with our health and treatments.  We even found some filing cabinets for her to use to keep them organized.  She keeps them in the corner of the infirmary.  

 

She puts the book in a shower rack hanging from the head of Hollie's bed.  I notice a similar one on mine with a book in it.  She smiles as she comes over and lifts the book.

 

"How are you feeling?" She asks gently.

 

I stare back, unsure what answer to give.  Her pale green eyes hold no judgement as she waits.  I notice briefly that she's cut her curly red hair.  It was shoulder length like her daughter's but now it only reaches her chin.

 

I look down, sniffling as I answer, "I'm alive and I'll heal.  That's better than others."

 

She nods pained, "Yes, I heard.  We will hold a memorial service tomorrow night beyond the wall."

 

I nod, accepting the news.  There may not have been a reprimand spoken but I heard it all the same.  Our choices got people killed.  Our arrogance got our people killed.

 

"Well," she offers a sad sort of smile, "your arm will heal well and the baby is fine."

 

A tension I didn't even know I had relaxed at those words.  I felt that the baby was okay.  If not then Daryl would've been more devastated.  I would've known.  But it helps to hear the words.

 

She smiles a bit brighter and adds, "In fact, we are setting up the ultrasound machine later today.  If you would like we can look at your little one, give you an idea of what you'll have."

 

I'm nodding as Daryls arms tighten.  Yes, we want to know.  And to see our baby, that would be wonderful.  Yes, we want to see them.

 

There's a knock on the doorway.  Rick stands there nervously.  His curly hair is pushed back and his beard is trimmed shorter than it was.  But there's a bruise on his cheek where it split as well as a black eye and split lip.  When did he get hurt?

 

He glances back and forth between me and Daryl who rumbles a growl but offers no protest.  Although he probably doesn't have to say it aloud for Rick to hear it.  Because Rick nods, accepting the unspoken warning.

 

"How are you doing?" He asks softly.

 

"Fine," I answer even if it's clear that I'm not.

 

He nods as if he heard both answers.  So I ask, "How are ya holdin up?"

 

He shrugs sadly, guilt curling his shoulders inward.  He doesn't have to answer because I know.  He made the call and I backed him.  He gave the orders and I supported him.

 

The two of us are the council members.  We're the ones who's judgement should be trusted.  And we both fucked up.  We're both to blame for those lost.

 

It won't happen again.  We'll be more careful next time.  We'll enforce the rule that those pregnant can't leave beyond the border.  We'll enforce the rule that only two teams can be out of Pheonix at a time.

 

Because we left our home vulnerable.  We left behind only a few fighters.  And if danger had come then there wouldn't have been anyone to help hold the border.  

 

The rules are there for a reason and we need to remember that.  We can't get arrogant.  We can't get comfortable.  Because this world isn't a safe place and we need to remember that.  I just wish the reminder didn't come at such a price.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

 

Lisa and Hershel both work on setting up the machines.  They are keeping them lined up together against the wall right now.  The incubators were easy enough.  You just plug everything in and match the labels.   The ultrasound machine took a bit more fiddling to figure it out.

 

The first incubator is an open thing with a UV light at the top.  The bottom has several drawers and cabinets that they stock with packets of tools.  I don't recognize where the packets came from but it must've been from the last run.

 

The second incubator is an enclosed thing.  It has a hood and several attachments to pump oxygen inside it.  It's for the really sickly babies.  It too has a lot of packets and tools.

 

I ask them what all the tools are and Lisa explains them to me.  The first is a long crochet like hook called an amniotic hook.  She says it's used to break the water if they need to but they'd rather let it break on its own if possible.

 

The second item, also in its own bag as they all are, is what she calls a speculum.  It's this metal thing that goes inside you to open you up for them to look.  She's shocked when I tell her that I've never seen one before.  And oddly enough it makes her offer more information about all the rest of the tools.

 

There's these plastic things that look a bit like salad tongs called forceps.  It's used to help guide the baby's head if it gets stuck or even pull it out.  I don't really like that because what if the head pops off.  She promises that won't happen but even Daryl looks skeptical.

 

The next thing she shows us is called a vacuum.  It's a soft silicone cup attached to a tube and pump.  It has the same function as the forceps but even that I'm not sure I'm comfortable with.

 

There's two types of scissors.  One juts out at an angle where the blades are.  She says it's used to cut the umbilical cord.  The other looks normal except it's not actually scissors.  Its called a hemostat and it actually clamps the cord but doesn't cut it.

 

There's a scalpel.  That one I recognize from biology class when we directed the frog.  Not that I mention it now.  Id rather not compare the birth of my child to carving up a formalin soaked frog.

 

Then theres these clamps.  They're little plastic things that look like a cross between a bag clip and a hair clip.  They're used on the umbilical cord before they cut it because the umbilical cord is a major vein and if they leave it open the baby can bleed to death.

 

We have several of each and even a few big bags with one of each inside it.  She said they're labor kits from the delivery rooms.  Apparently there was a whole load of them so the team brought it all back.

 

Then theres a plastic fishbowl thing with little tubes that blows oxygen to the babies.  And there's these tiny purple things that she says have sugar water to give to the babies.  I'm not sure how smart that is but both her and Hershel tell me it's safe.

 

Then theres antibiotic and antifungal creams.  There's tiny syringes and tiny needle sets in case an IV is needed.  There's even tiny little sterile bags of fluid that we pulled from the pharmacy.  They both assure me it's all safe.

 

Then she points out the ultrasound machine.  Its the big bulky thing I remember them struggling with.  Good news is that between the two of them they get it on and working.  Bad news is that it's guesswork and each button they hit makes different things pop up.

 

She asks if they can practice on me for a bit.  Daryl scoffs but I agree.  It can't hurt me and this way we get to see the baby.  

 

So I lay down on the bed nearby.  She lifts my shirt and pushes my shorts down low.  Then she squirts a thick gel on the bottom part of my belly.  I jump because its cold but beyond that and it smelling wierd, it's fine.

 

She takes a wand, although it looks like a price scanner to me, and moves it through the gel.  The machine makes a lot of static on the screen but she holds it still while her and Hershel push buttons.

 

There's a lot of back and forth that I don't understand about what the buttons do.  Then they roll a ball and the screen shifts, zooming in and out.  Apparently its the ball that helps focus.  

 

They keep talking and pressing buttons but eventually an image appears.  I gasp, Daryl squeezes my hand in surprise.  It actually looks like a baby.  For some reason I didn't expect it to look like a little baby.

 

There's a little skull with little eyes.  There's a thin arm and a tiny hand with little fingers.  There's even a belly that is wider than the chest.   There's a row of beads that make up the spine.  It's perfect!

 

They play with the focus there for a while.  Then they zoom in on something moving.  Little black spaces that grow and retract.  Hershel says it's the heart, the valves of the heart, and we're seeing it pumping life.

 

I'm crying enough that I can't focus on the image.  Daryl isn't any better by this point.  So Lisa and Hershel spend a few minutes pressing buttons and making little things appear on screen.

 

Someone hits something that makes a picture print out.  They back up the zoom to the point you can see the baby's head, chest, and arms.  Then they click something that makes it print.

 

She moves the wand around, rolling it in the gel all over my belly.  It shifts the baby around so that we can view it from different sides.  They even manage to get a beautiful profile with the head and chest and belly and spine.  There's even a little hand held up.

 

"A girl," ahe says proudly.  "It looks like a girl to me."

 

I start laughing, telling them the baby's waving hi.  A girl!  We're having a girl!  Daryl chokes out a laugh.  As if we don't already have enough girls.  But we're gonna have a girl!

 

There should be a way to make the sound come on but they haven't found it yet.  But they both agree that they know enough for now.  They decide to look at Hollie's baby now.

 

Lisa says we can go home now.  It's not yet noon so the kids will be in the schoolhouse which was the only empty house left.  All kids go either in the morning before noon or in the afternoon.  Carol and another woman named Janice both help out on most days.

 

Two people took over teaching.  Mrs. Rose, a retired middle school teacher, and Mr. Thomas, a substitute science teacher.  They had moved in and remodeled the living room and formal dining room into classrooms.  They even put up chalkboard paint on the walls and framed it in with thin pieces of wood.

 

Carol volenteers there during the mornings so the babies have a familiar face while I take a morning patrol.  Then she spends lunch and part of the evening cooking meals at Hill house.  Those meals are then packed up and taken around to those on patrol or who stay in the RVs around the homes and outside the wall.

 

Daryl drags me home at a fairly fast pace.  He doesn't look over and with how his jaw is clenching I worry for a second that he's mad.  But then I catch his eye and realize that it's not anger.

 

We have an empty house all to ourselves.  And we have two hours before we have to pick up the kids for lunch.  So now is the best time for some good fun.

 

I run ahead laughing, racing him.  He gives chase, catching me easily.  He sweeps me up in a bridal carry and runs the rest of the way home.  We're both laughing as he races inside.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

 

There's a rumble moving in the distance, like thunder over the ground.  It's loud enough to draw our attention long before we see them approach.  Two rows of motorcycles going back twenty bikes each.  

 

They come down the road, Poplar street as it was called before.  It passes from the intersection to our subdivision and off further to the highway.  We were calling it main street for a while but since we call our road within the wall main it caused some confusion.  Since Poplar already had a name we decided to start using it.

 

Maggie and I have border patrol at our main gate today.  Since I'm five months pregnant, I'm not allowed to patrol alone.  Not that I mind.  The other option is helping set up the gardens or tend the animals and I would rather not do either.  

 

Border patrol is easy enough.  You just have to keep watch.  And we check in every hour or so with Hill house, usually Debra, to assure them that it's all clear.  

 

Gate patrol is simple.  We have a large iron gate that the guys scavenged from a subdivision further down.  It's been welded into place with the shipping containers.  And the gate has metal welded to block it out the same way we did with the wall gate.

 

For us, we just have to stand or sit up on the containers that bookend the gate.  Two guards because it's our most vulnerable spot.  And we're both armed with rifles as well as bows and arrows.  

 

We normally only see our own people coming and going on raids.  I don't think we've had a stranger come up yet.  But it's a possibility so we stay cautious.

 

Which is a good thing too because we currently have forty motorcycles heading this way.  Maggie's calling it in as we both struggle to see them more clearly.  Then I hear her curse and I almost laugh when I see it too.

 

Because leading this pack of leather clad riders are none other than our own Dixons.  Merle is grinning proudly and even Daryl looks happy.  I tell her to call it in again so we don't have a fight on our hands.

 

We can't open the gate yet, rules are there for a reason.  But we both relax as they move to create an almost crescent shape around the gate.  There's more than forty riders, at least ten of the bikes have a second person.

 

"Gonna let us in, Darlin?" Merle shouts up.

 

I laugh a reply, "Now ya know tha rules, Merle, same as I.  We gotta get y'all checked first before letting y'all loose in here."

 

"We vouch for em," he calls back.

 

I nod my understanding, "That's good enough for me but we still gotta do a bite check.  Give us five for the truck to get here, okay?"

 

"They need some water," Daryl calls up.

 

"I'll bring it out," I offer as apology, "again, we just gotta be cautious."

 

"We understand, sweetheart," an older man with a short white mane and a thick white beard calls out.

 

I leave Maggie to hold the guard position as I climb down the ladder.  It too is welded in place and stretches from the ground to the top and slightly over.  It's patched together but it's sturdy so it's a quick climb down.

 

There's a small RV here by the gate.  It's a little grey and black thing with only one bed along the back.  There's a shower across from the toilet and a small kitchen.  We keep it stocked a bit for those on patrol and the fridge has cold water bottles.

 

I grab a milk crate, filling it up with fifty bottles.  It's heavy and I leave my rifle behind when I step down.  But I have Maggie and the brothers watching my back so I'm not worried.  

 

Daryl is there when I open the gate to slip out.  He takes the crate and passes it back to a tall black man in a leather vest and black sunglasses.  The man grins a thanks and turns to hand the bottles out to the others.

 

They're relaxed, trusting us.  But there's also suspicion and a bit of tension that won't go away for a while.  A quick look around doesn't raise any alarms in me, I trust the brothers to bring us good people.

 

Daryl pulls me close for a kiss that gets a few whistles.  When he leans back we're both grinning like fools.  Then he kneels, lifting my shirt to kiss at the small swell of my belly.  I'm also fairly sure I heard him whisper that our girl's gonna be a lil warrior.

 

I run my fingers through his hair, brushing it back from his face.  Daryl presses his cheek against my belly, his eyes closed and his face showing his happiness.  There's some laughter and teasing from the bikers present but it's all friendly so I don't take offense.  

 

He stands up with a grin, looking truly happy.  I grin back and steal another kiss that gets more wolf whistles from the bikers.  But it's still just friendly teasing so there's no worries.

 

Daryl pulls me around so that he's at my back and we're both facing the bikers group.  His hands cup my belly which I can't help but giggle about.  My own hands come up over his, stroking his hands and wrists.

 

He clears his throat and announces to the group, "This here is my wife, Charlie.  Y'all need somethin just let her know an she'll help ya out."

 

I offer a smile and a wave.  Most smile back.  The white haired man grins and introduces himself, "Names Silas, sweetheart, nice ta meet ya."

 

Before I can do more than smile back, the gate opens wide with Rick standing center.  A dozen of our runners and guards stand calm at his back.  The only one out of place is Hershel but he's here for the bite check.

 

Merle addresses the crowd before Rick can, "This here is Ranger Rick."

 

Rick rolls his eyes but Merle is relishing in his role so no one stops him.  He tells them, "Rick here was a cop but now he's a part of the council that lil Darlin here runs."

 

I frown at that and tell them, "I don't run Pheonix, we have a council that oversees all matters."

 

"An who's tha one leadin the council, Darlin?" He teases.

 

I huff at that.  But it breaks the tension that was growing between the groups.  I guess they are as nervous to come here as we are to have them.  And Merle has an annoying way of keeping the peace.

 

If they want me to lead a bit I can.  So I address the group, "We're gonna bring everyone inside tha gate for a bite check.  Please walk your bikes through and go to the left.  We'll take ya two or three at a time."

 

Silas grins, "Ya gonna have us strip for ya, sweetheart?"

 

I grin back, accepting the teasing.  "We'll have guys check guys and ladies check tha ladies. That ways there won't be no misbehavin.  If anyone's shy we can check em in the RV.  That sound alright?"

 

He nods, "Sounds fine, sweetheart.  I understand that ya gotta be safe these days.  But anything else besides bites y'all lookin for?"

 

I don't understand the question so I glance back at Daryl.  He snorts against my shoulder but answers, "He wants ta know if they gonna be allowed ta stay or if they'll be chased off."

 

I turn back to Silas and answer, "We gotta check for bites to be sure we ain't bringin danger home but Daryl an Merle vouched for ya an that's good enough for me."

 

He blinks back surprised.  Then he looks at Rick as if expecting him to argue.  Rick grins and adds, "If the Dixons say your good folk then we trust them."

 

The surprise is visible among the bikers.  No doubt they've not been treated well by society before this.  Hell, most have probably toed the law a time or two.  But the brothers say they're good enough to bring home and we all trust them.  

 

Merle and Daryl guard their backs as they push their bikes inside. Its almost funny to watch them blink around in surprise but we don't call them on it. Instead I leave Rick and Hershel to begin the bite checks while I slip back into the RV.

 

They drank down the waters awfully quick and none of them have much in the way of supplies. So it's probably been a while since they've eaten. So I take out three big pots and put them on the stove.

 

We have some dried soup mix so I grab two of the potato for one pot. Then I empty four cans of vegetable soup in the second pot. The third holds a steak and potato soup. It doesn't take long for them to start warming up.

 

The door opens. I glance over as Daryl and Silas step inside. I smile and tease, "Don't tell me you're a shy one."

 

He grins back, "Naw, I'm clear. Thought I'd see if I can help ya in here."

 

I point to the cabinet and ask, "Can ya get down enough bowls for your folks? Ours are good cause lunch is still a bit away But I figure y'all could do with a bite to tide ya over."

 

He grins but moves to comply. The cabinet is full of little plastic bowls and plates. He grabs all the ones there and then he grabs all of the coffee mugs (the big ones thank goodness) to have one for each. He even helps me pour up the soups. 

 

Then we carry them out, handing each person a bowl or mug. There's a lot of smiles and eager thanks. A few even pull me into a hug which I squeeze them back when they do. 

 

None were shy and all chose to strip together rather than be seperated. Our people were respectful of that decision. And Hershel, Rick, Kathy, and Jeanie were the ones to look everyone over as quickly and professionally as they could. By the time everyone has gone through bite check it's time to head on.

 

They redress and pass back the bowls and mugs. But noon is approaching and the next shift is here to relieve Maggie and me. She agrees to wash the dishes so that I can show the new group around.

 

Daryl pulls me onto his bike as we lead the others onward. I squeeze him tight, enjoying the rumble of the engine and the smell of leather, sweat, and the musk of his scent that only ever screams Daryl to me. I'm so proud of him and Merle. They dont judge so they're always finding people and they always judge them right. I'm proud of them both.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

 

I sniffle.  It feels so much like a trial.  More so even than when they ruled to banish Andrea and Amy.  

 

The chair is hard and cold.  I sit alone on this side.  The long table has been cleared of all papers and maps.  This isn't a meeting, it's a courtroom.

 

The rest of the council looks back steadily.  A few show signs of sympathy, sad eyes asking me to just agree.  But they all seem convinced of their verdict.

 

I don't want to believe it, I really don't.  But there's no denying the truth.  Especially when it stares back coldly.  They went behind our backs and reached a decision without our input. A midnight mockery of our court system.

 

I look over the council.  Rick sits across from me like a judge issuing a sentencing.  Hershel, his faithful council, sits at his right.  They were the ones to do this, to start this.

 

Jackie and Dale are to the left.  Debra and Malcolm on Hershels other side.  All look back sternly.  All agreed to the vote. A vote cast in secret because they know it's wrong!

 

And its not just the council that's here.  Glenn and Maggie are barely visible behind the kitchen island. Although neither looks happy to be here.  Others too, several others milling around in there.  Here to show their support but unwilling to come closer while we're arguing this.  

 

I can't even fault them compleyely.  They want to be safe.  So do I, but not like this.  How can we call ourselves people when we are killing others for no more than our own prejudice?  Because that's what this is.

 

They'll say that it's the same as banishing the sisters.  But it's not!  Andrea and Amy were trying to incite a mob against the Dixons for no other reason than prejudice and dislike.  And now the council is doing the same.  

 

If only we had know.  We could've put out the fires before they spread.  We could've worked harder to integrate the group's.  We could've talked it out.

 

Not that we could've stopped this.  It's not much different to what Andrea tried to do.  And for the same prejudice reason.  Only this time it was Rick and Hershel whispering in everyone's ear.

 

I rub at my belly.  She must feel that I'm upset because she's pushing her little feet out at my belly, making it jump.  Our sweet little asskicker is almost seven months in my belly and she's active.  

 

Daryl teases that she's just getting comfy and honestly, I love it when she moves and twists and somersaults.  It lets me know she's alive and okay.  Plus, it's all kinds of adorable when Daryl talks to her.  He calls her our lil asskicker.

 

He's always touching my belly, pressing kisses.  And at night while we sleep he tells her all the things he's going to teach her.  He tells her about hunting and tracking.  He tells her that he'll get her a little crossbow just for her.

 

She will totally be a daddy's girl.  She'll have him wrapped around her little finger.  Or she might, if she survives.  Because I'm not too sure of that anymore.  

 

Because this is a witch hunt.  That's what this is.  It's anger needing a target.  It's weakness clawing for power, regardless of the lives lost.

 

I sniffle again and ask tearfully, "So you won't even consider that you're wrong?  You've all already decided what you want and Damn the truth?"

 

Rick folds his hands together, looking back calmly, "They are dangerous, Charlie.  We can't let them stay.  Do you really want them around your little girls?"

 

I scoff at the scare tactics.  Of course that's the fear their feeding.  That's the prejudice that's running rapid through the community.  All thinks to Hershels concerned council and Ricks wise leadership.

 

When did he take control here?  Are the others aware?  Was this his plan? 

 

No, he truly believes what he's saying.  He honestly thinks he's doing the right thing.  He thinks he's protecting us.  And he'll hold to that belief.

 

"Have you forgotten our laws?" I snap back, "The punishment is death, you think they'll risk that?"

 

But the uneasy looks say enough.  It may be law but none of them want to enforce it.  Oh no, why kill a rapist when you can cast out strong people without a care.  Just let them be someone else's problem.  

 

"That would only help after the fact," Hershel offers in that gentle tone of his.

 

Which is probably the argument he already gave.  How many times have the council discussed this?  How did we not notice?

 

I know I've been tired lately.  I've missed a few meetings but Merle or Daryl always go.  How did we not see this?

 

I rub the tears from my cheeks, "So we're ok punishing people for crimes they haven't even committed yet?"

 

Rick stood at the gate.  He stood there with a smile and welcomed them in.  He told them that this would be their home.  He told them he trusts Daryl and Merle.  And now he's going to betray their trust.

 

"We're not punishing them," Jackie answers quick.  "We just think they don't belong here, that's all."

 

"So it's just prejudice!" I snap out.

 

Coming from her?  How can she say that?  Can't she see what this is?  Can't she see where this will lead?  Can any of them?

 

How long before we turn on someone else?  How long before they turn on us?  Are me and my family next?  Either I shut up and agree or we'll be cast out?  Is that where this is going?

 

Rick sighs sadly, as if I'm the one being difficult.  Even his tone, while not condescending, is dismissive of my argument, "I know you're feeling a bit overwhelmed right now..."

 

Of course he will call me hormonal.  I've broken into tears during a meeting because someone mentioned wanting to plant in the outer fields beyond the border.  I wasnt even crying because of that.  It was just like a little bubble popped and I was crying.  This is different!

 

"Don't you Dare blame this on hormones!" I shout back, interrupting him.  "You are literally banishing people for no other reason than you don't like how they present themselves.  That is prejudice!"

 

"I know their type," he responds evenly.

 

I glare back, "Stereotyping?  Profiling?  Don't they teach you cops not to do that without cause?"

 

He sighs but I keep going, "A young black man in dark clothes walking down the street?  Must be a thug!  Check him for weapons or drugs cause he'll have them!"

 

"Charlie," he says tiredly.

 

"A tired woman with broken teeth and dirty clothes?" I keep going, "Homeless and probably drug addicted.  Bet she's in the system already so go ahead and grab her!"

 

"Charlie," Jackie calls painfully.

 

"A man covered in tattoos?"  I add, "Must be a gangster.  Keep your gun in your hand and remember to shoot first!"

 

"That's not what were saying," Dale pleads.

 

"That's exactly what you're saying," I argue.

 

Rick sighs again, a gust of breath and a disappointed look.  But I meet his gaze evenly, ignoring the tears rolling down my cheeks.  I won't be bullied to agree with something this wrong.

 

His face softens, his voice gently, "I know you want to save as many as you can but we can't save everyone, Charlie.  We have to be cautious."

 

"Should I have been more cautious when you and your boy came to the gate?" I ask coldly.

 

He sighs, looking at the others.  Whatever he sees there seems to give him strength because he looks back steadily.  Mob mentality at its finest, ladies and gentlemen, when your belief is stronger because others share it.

 

"And what have they done to earn this verdict besides not dressing or acting like you prefer?" I ask tiredly.

 

I wish Daryl and Merle were here.  I could certainly use their support.  Because I don't have the strength to do this alone.  

 

I can't fight the whole community.  I'm alone on this ledge.  I'm facing a firing squad that I can't hope to fight.  I wish Daryl or Merle was here beside me now.

 

"This isn't prejudice," Debra offers gently.  "But they're dangerous.  We have to keep our people, our children, safe."

 

Because that's the fear they've preyed on.  That's the mob mentality they've fed.  And if it was one person we would already have a body swinging in the trees.

 

But no, they won't kill them.  And the cowards won't face them either.  They want me to do it.  They want me to cast them out.

 

"I won't do it," I tell them, "I won't betray them like this."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

 

Light flickers beyond the wall.  Bonfires burning in metal garbage cans light up the night.  Music and voices, shouting and laughing, can all be heard.

 

They do this every night.  It's not meant to cause trouble.  It's just them being themselves.  They hang out and laugh and enjoy being alive another day.  Because that's not a guarantee anymore, if it ever was for them.

 

It's not like they don't pull their weight.  They take shifts on border patrol.  Some go out to help add more guns during a supply run.  There's even a guy, Robert, who helps cook.

 

But they like to drink and dance and laugh.  They like to play music although it's never too loud.  They light fires every night and gather around for a party.  

 

It's not like it's hurting anything.  It's beyond the wall, on Poplar street that passes in front of the gate.  Its just them having fun.

 

And they stay out there.  They live in tents and pop-up RVs.  They even went out for more so they wouldn't take all of ours.  They keep to themselves like a little village within our town because our group is still cautious.

 

I've assured them that it will just take time.  I've promised them if they just try to mingle with the main group then it will help.  And they listened to me.  They've been trying.

 

CB has moved out to their little area.  He's become more a part of them than us.  I thought it was a good thing.  I thought it meant that we were integrating better.

 

I slip past the gate, careful to close it behind me.  The kids are sleeping in their beds so I'm not too worried for them.  We all take the safety of those vulnerable within the wall very seriously.

 

The music is louder now.  I recognize it as one of Merles favorites.  At least I remember him playing it over and over.

 

The group is both spread out and huddled close.  There's bottles of beer that I still don't know where they get them.  They've probably raided every liquor store in the area by now.

 

It's warmer here too.  Four garbage cans along the outer edge and another in the center of their group, all burning books and logs.  They've taken particular joy in burning law books.  It seems silly but it's harmless fun.

 

A woman laughs.  I glance over to see Bri climbing on her husbands back.  She's young and slender with blue and purple streaks in her long brown hair.  Her husband, Eric, is tall and strong but not very muscled.  

 

They're both loud with a dirty sense of humor and jokes that make Merle laugh.  He's even joked about stealing her but that's quickly laughed off.  Apparently that's one thing you have to be careful of with them, taking what's theirs.  Whether that's property, bikes, or partners, they're very territorial.

 

"Hey, Daryl, your woman's here!" came a loud shout.

 

I glance over at Robert.  He's tall and skinny with bony arms and legs.  His long salt and pepper hair and beard have more grey than black and his skin is darkened and wrinkled by the sun.  But he's a damn good cook.  He could probably cook bark and make it taste good.

 

"Darlin!" Merle shouts drunkenly.  

 

His arms wide nearly hitting Carol who stands beside him.  But he's already turning back to regale those nearest him with whatever story he's thought up.  I laugh, offering a wave to the group as I look around again.  

 

CB and Silas sit in lawn chairs near the outer edge of the group.  Both seem invested in whatever conversation they have going.  But by their relaxed posture and amused smiles I doubt it's bad news.

 

I find Daryl in a chair near the center fire.  The radio is next to him and he looks sleepy with drink.  His posture relaxed, his hand loose on the bottle he still holds.

 

His eyes narrow, concerned.  I don't usually come out here once they start drinking.  Because they do sometimes break out in fights.  

 

Not bad ones and weapons are never used.  But sometimes they just want to smack each other around.  They come away with a few bruises but no hard feelings.

 

That's why I usually call it a night early.  Daryl doesnt like me out here if they start fighting.  He worries I may get hit on accident.  It's not a problem.  This is a bit too loud and boisterous for me now anyways.

 

I smile, recognizing the familiar chorus of the song and jumping into the lyrics, "Will you raise me up?  Will you help me down?  Will you get me right out of this godforsaken town?  Will you make it all a little less cold?"

 

"I can do that," he grins, answering along with the song.

 

I step closer, reaching for him.  He sits the bottle down, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my belly.  I love when he does this.  And I can already hear him singing along to the song for her.

 

I run my fingers through his hair, scratching at his scalp.  He hums drunkenly but squeezes a little tighter to let me know it's alright.  It's his way of saying that he has my back.

 

I nearly slump as the tension drains away.  This is what I needed.  I needed him close.  I needed to know that he supports me.  

 

He looks up concerned.  No doubt he felt me relax.  I offer a sad smile because I can't say it here.  I can't say it in front of the others.  Especially while they're drunk and partying.

 

He must've understood that.  He always understands what I need whether I say it out loud or not.  Because he pushes himself up on his feet and tugs me in close.  I rest my cheek against his chest as he leads me from the group.  

 

We dont move far.  Their bikes are all parked in two neat little rows just beyond the bonfires.  He takes me to his.  It's one he scavenged but he assures me that it's just like the one he had before.  I don't care either way.

 

It's a bit difficult to hold onto him with my belly so big but I manage.  He doesn't drive fast, just a slow rumble.  And the single headlight of his bike is all the light we have.

 

The road curves in a familiar path.  It goes mostly straight until bean street meets it.  That one follows along the border for a while until you hit corn road that loops back to neighbors drive.  Not original names, I know, but it works for us.

 

We turn onto neighbors drive but we don't go far.  Just enough to be out of sight of the border RVs.  Then he stops and kills the engine, not bothering to pull over further.  It's not like anyone else will come out here.

 

I climb off and he follows.  We don't go far, just off the edge of the road where the ground is softer.  He throws his jacket on the ground and sits down on it with a loud groan.

 

He reaches for me, pulling me closer.  So I kneel down and crawl into his lap, straddling his outstretched legs.  He grins but there's an edge of worry.  He knows something is wrong.

 

But I don't want to say it yet.  So instead I stroke his chest and tell him I need him.  He doesn't argue.  He's probably too drunk for all of this but he lays back, his hands steady on my waist.

 

I've gotten good at this.  With my belly being larger it makes me feel squished to be beneath him.  So he taught me to sit up.  

 

Thankfully my dress is short enough to not get in the way.  There's a metallic snick sound followed by the cold press of steel against my hip.  I blink in surprise at his solution to the underwear issue.

 

He grins mischeviously but the familiar question is back.  I lean down for a kiss and assure him, "I trust you, my love, always and forever."

 

He helps me position and his hands on my thighs help as well.  But he's too drunk to do much and I'm too on edge to go slow.  It's harsher than we should be but it's a wonderful harsh.  

 

I feel alive from my fingers against his chest to my toes digging into the dirt.  Neither of us talk, words were never our thing.  But we hold each other's gaze and chase the stars to oblivion.

 

Coming down from that, I curl tight against his side.  He's more sober now, the rush no doubt clearing his head some.  And he strokes along my side encouragingly.

 

I let out a sigh, warm breath ghosting across his chest.  I don't want to say it but I have to.  He needs to know and I need him to know.  I can't handle this alone.

 

The words don't come easy but I manage to say, "The council met to reach a verdict."

 

He stills beside me.  He and Merle are on the council too, the same as me.  And no verdict should be reached without every member casting their vote.  He knows this.  Which means he knows this won't be good news.

 

I swallow, tears burning my eyes.  Somehow, I manage to explain, "Rick and Hershel have been talking to the others.  They came for me two hours ago.  They already voted, already made a ruling."

 

His arm is tighter now.  I sniffle, I hate this!  I hate that I'm too weak to stop them.  I hate that innocent people will suffer.  I hate that this could be us some day soon.

 

"What they say," he asks coldly.

 

I press myself closer and answer, "Silas's group has to go."

 

His breath gusts out with a string of curses.  There's even a growled, "Should've beaten his damn skull in, tha bastard!"

 

I sniffle, "Rick came to get me.  He said it was important, couldn't wait til morning."

 

Daryl curses again, Ricks parentage this time.  I continue, "The council was already there.  So was several people from the houses.  They had already voted and made a ruling.  They said I had to comply.  They said that come dawn, Rick will go to them and tell them the council's ruling."

 

Daryl curses, climbing to his feet.  He's pale with anger, hands fisted and shaking.  He stomps back to his bike and I hurry to follow, dragging the jacket with me.

 

He kicks the bike to start, revving the engine as I slip on behind him.  It's uncomfortable with nothing on down there but I'm not getting left behind.  He speeds off the way we came as it's slightly closer than the other way.

 

I try to shout at him to think this through.  I shout for him to wait until morning.  Hell, I even shout for him to wait until I get inside the wall.  He doesn't respond to any of it.

 

The fires get closer and dread pools in my stomach.  This won't end well.  They're all drunk and adrenaline is pumping.  There will be no level heads for this.  There will be no reasoning.  This is bad!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and comments😊💐💐💐💐💐💐💐  
> Y'all are awesome! 
> 
> Sorry I got quiet for a while but work is crazy and I was debating if the story should continue as it was going. But I have the bare bones of the next ten chapters so I'm excited to show you all where it's going😊

Chapter 25

 

 

Daryl was calm, awake, and sober when we pulled up to the bikers group.  He waited until I got off and tucked me under his arm.  He may have glared at everyone we passed but they understood he worries for me and the baby so no one called him on it.

 

He walked us to Silas, still talking to CB.  Both look up amused but that fades the moment he says we need to talk.  Silas glances a questioning look my way but I look down, unable to say it now.

 

At least Merle isn't here.  If you want a level headed discussion you do not include him.  But Silas grabs Gus and Jonsie as we pass them.  We follow him to his RV, one of only four full RVs owned by the bikers.

 

Gus is an older man with a beer belly, flatter now because times are more difficult.  His head is shaved although I think he was going bald before that.  And his beard is a scruffy blonde thing that I wish he would shave off but apparently hes had it for decades.

 

Jonsie is a strong man is his thirties with a pitbull tattooed on his left arm.  He doesn't have hair or a beard but his voice is as dark as his skin.  He's more muscular than Merle and he's the one that holds the title of armwrestling champion.  

 

Both are somewhat high in the heirchy of this group.  I may not fully understand how it all works but I know that Silas takes their advice and the others look to them in his absence.  I guess it makes sense for them to be here for this.

 

Silas's RV is similar to ours except it reeks of beer and dirty socks.  There is food stuck to plates in the sink and a pot of something sits cold on the stove.

 

I consider scolding him for that but I don't.  By the amused look he shoots me I think he heard it anyway.  But neither of us address it.  His lack of cleanliness isnt why were here.

 

He waves us all to sit down.  Daryl pulls me onto his lap on the couch.  Silas sits beside us.  Gus sits in the drivers seat, turning it to face us.  CB and Jonsie both sit at the table although they're both nearly too big.

 

"So, sweetheart, what happened?" Silas asks, cautious and tense.

 

I blink, nervous under so many staring eyes.  But this is why I came down here.  They need to be warned so they're not blindsided by this.  They dont deserve what's being done!

 

I straighten my back and answer, "The council voted, without our input, to have your group cast out at dawn."

 

He blinks, nods, but doesnt look surprised.  In fact, the knowing glances from the others make me think this isn't news.  But how could they have known?

 

"Y'all was expecting this?" Daryl asks angrily.

 

Silas nods, pained eyes meet mine, "I know you tried, sweetheart, but we heard the whispers.  We knew it was only a matter of time.  It ain't y'alls fault."

 

"But, we brought y'all in.  We promised y'all a home.  And we're casting ya out for no reason," I cry.

 

Daryl squeezes me tighter.  He hates it when I cry.  But I can't help it.  It's not fair!

 

Silas sighs, reaching over to pat my arm after glancing at Daryl.  I guess that was to ask permission.  They can be real territorial and the Dixons are the same.  

 

"There's a reason," Gus snaps angrily, glaring at the floor.

 

"Gus!" Silas snaps back.

 

Gus blinks surprised.  Probably more so at the reprimand than anything.  He must've thought this was already known.

 

But I have to ask, "What reason?"

 

Silas looks back and answers, "One of ours, boy named Caleb, is sweet on the blonde girl of the old man."

 

I blink surprised at that, "Caleb is sweet on Beth?"

 

Caleb is young, barely twenty, with sweet blue eyes and a dimpled grin.  He rides but he is cleaner than most. He's always joking and making friends. I thought he was really well liked.

 

He's a sweet boy when you talk to him.  Always saying yes ma'am and no sir.  I just didn't realize he and Beth were talking.  I'm not surprised because she's sweet too.  And he's handsome enough to tempt her.

 

Is that what this is all about?  Hershel doesn't want his daughter around a 'low life'?  Is that why he's casting thirty people out without a care?  That's what this witch hunt is all about?

 

"We didn't realize it was an issue at first," Silas explains tiredly.  "She seemed to like his attention well enough.  But two weeks ago he took her for a ride on his bike.  Just along the road."

 

"It ain't like they was hiding it!" Gus snaps out, his arms crossed angrily.  

 

But Jonsie is nodding too, adding, "But her sister and that Asian boy of hers came tearing into them in a rage."

 

I blink shocked.  Glenn, in a rage?  Glenn who brought home a freaked giant?  Glenn who fearlessly stood before a group of former defensive lineman, although I still don't know what that means, and made friends?

 

But now I remember.  I remember seeing a boyish smile directed at the horse pen where Beth and her father were tending the animals.  I remember Beth giggling with another young woman, Katelyn, and casting shy smiles at the bikers group.

 

I remember Caleb boasting a story to several of the teens.  His eyes repeatedly darting off to the two females huddled nearby to listen.  I remember seeing him directing smiles across the dinner table although at the time I hadn't realized who he was smiling at.

 

This is a crush!  A stupid harmless crush.  Just two kids flirting and smiling because they like each other.  And he's turning our whole community against a group because his daughter likes a boy he doesn't approve of?

 

Silas nods, "Old man's kept her locked up beyond the wall ever since.  Sister and Asian boy helping to run interference with that cop of theirs."

 

Really?  All of this over a crush?  He's probably told people that he's trying to keep her safe.  No doubt he's played the concerned father protecting his little angel.

 

And could anyone blame him?  My daddy would've done the same!  My dad...

 

I can see it now.  My father puffed up and angry that Daryl and Merle dared to come near me.  Him aiming a gun, threatening them.  Him calling them worthless and low lifes and no good.  

 

He'll accuse them of the worst things and they'll take the hits and back off.  Because they believed that's how everyone saw them. They'll believe they deserve it.  If my dad was alive...

 

I wouldn't have any of this.  I wouldn't have my husband, my sweet Daryl.  I wouldn't have my kids.  I wouldn't have the baby within me now.  

 

Daddy would stop me.  He would argue that it's for the best.  He would argue that he's just protecting me.  But this is my family and I won't loose it!

 

I snarl out, shoving myself up, "I'm gonna kill them!"

 

Daryl pulls me back but I'm beyond furious.  I shove his hands away and storm off.  He and the others follow.  And my exit drew the attention of the other bikers but I don't care.

 

Because I understand wanting to protect your kids.  I understand worrying over them.  I understand wanting the best for them.

 

But that doesn't give you the right to dictate their lives!  It doesn't give you the right to tell them who they can love!  If Beth and Caleb likes each other, if they want to be together, that's their choice.   

 

I won't let him take that choice from them!  I won't let him destroy innocent people for ho's prejudice!  I won't allow the council to abuse their power this way!  Hell No!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't hate on Rick or Hershel but I need them to reach a different point of understanding. I debated these chapters because of this but I want them to get somewhere and changing this all would change what comes after.
> 
> There's a whole lot of personalities involved and everyone needs to learn to work together. It's going to have some hiccups but I'm getting them there. 
> 
> Beth had a crush on Daryl in the show so I want her to have a boyfriend who's a little similar but who will be able to win over Hershel and Maggie. 
> 
> As for them making Charlie handle it, they knew what they were doing was wrong. And they know that Silas's people respect her and won't hurt her if she's the one to cast them out. They just didn't expect her to fight the council for people she just met.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

 

It was a freaking miracle, I swear.  I mean, I would've been less surprised if God himself came down here to broker peace.  I have no idea how this didn't end in a massacre but somehow, some way, it ended peacefully.

 

I slam past the gate, startling Merle and Carol where they're hiding just beyond the shadows.  I don't look or stop to explain.  I stomp as fast as I can which isn't as fast as I would like.

 

They're still there.  The council and those with them all clustered on the road between the houses, gossiping.  I see red.

 

"Hershel! You racist,  judgemental, sonofabitch!"  I shout as I stomp closer.

 

He shouldn't have let me get that close because I didn't even hesitate to slap.  I almost fell but I went to hit him again.  Pregnant belly is really throwing off my balance.

 

A hand grabs my wrist, Rick blocking my way.  He looks down stern.  I can already hear the reprimand but I won't let him say it.  Because they're the ones in the wrong here!  

 

"You stupid moron!" I scream in his face.  "What gave you the right to be judge and jury?  Did you ever bother to ask what started this all?  Do you even know?"

 

Hershel comes back with his hands raised in surrender but it's just to regain control.  I can already see that he won't be convinced.  He believed too blindly that what he's doing is right.  I wont let him do this!  

 

I scream, "Beth!  Get out here now!  Everyone wake the fuck up!"

 

Rick tries to shake me quiet, his hands rough on my arms. Several people move at once. Jackie and Dale both rush forward to call him off. Daryl jumps him, swinging hard.  

The two fight, exchanging blows.  Rick may have training but Daryl knows how to brawl and he won't go down easy. They both slam into a nearby RV as the others hurry out of their way.

 

"Everyone up, now!"  I scream again, "The council wants a fucking vote then were gonna have a fucking vote!"

 

I look around to see Silas and his group edging closer.  Most are confused but willing to back our play.  They threw their loyalty to me and the brothers and regardless of our reasoning they will support us.

 

There's more honor here in this group than the whole council.  They understand what it means to work hard.  They understand sacrifice and cooperation.  They aren't afraid to hurt for the group.

 

They're good people and I won't let them be cast out over an old world prejudice!  I won't cast them out!  I won't allow it!  I will fight for them and they'll fight for me.

 

My stomach tightens. My arms wrap around it. No doubt it's just all the stress. Silas moves closer, worried, to hold my arm. His way of helping to steady me. I nod a thanks and grip is arm in return.

 

Windows and doors open, heads peak out confused.  Sleepy questions and concerned glances are cast out.  These people should 've been present.  Everyone should've been present.  That's the laws we agreed on!

 

I spot Lisa and shout to her, "Get on the radios and call everyone in, now!"

 

She leans out to look around, no doubt confused on what to say.  I yell out,  "Emergency meeting, now!  Everyone from the border and gates, no exceptions!"

 

Rick struggles to gain control of Daryl but Merle barrels in, pinning the cop fighting his brother.   You can't fight one Dixon without the other getting involved.  And no one can win against the two of them.

 

Dale looks around startled and asks, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

 

"What did he tell you, Dale?" I ask, suddenly feeling far too tired.  "Did he say Beth was threatened and Glenn and Maggie saved her?"

 

Maggie glares back but Glenn avoids my gaze.  There's a guilt in his posture that speaks loud and clear.  They spun this tale in the worst light possible and twisted events to fit their purpose.  I snarl in anger at them.

 

More people are trickling out into the street, confused and curious.  A few stay inside, nervous to come out.  Others are trusting enough or just curious enough to brave the mess out here.  

 

Beth walks up wide eyed, looking from the people standing around to the three fighting.  There's shock on her face.  I don't even have to ask if she knew because I can already tell she didn't.  But she's a smart girl and I can see her connecting the dots.

 

Maggie shouts, "That's enough!  We've already discussed this.  Beth, go inside."

 

"No!" I shout back.

 

I'm beyond angry that they did this.  They want to meet in the dark?  They want to sweep it all under the rug? They want to whisper in ears and cast votes in secret?  HELL NO!

 

"No we didn't discuss this!" I snarl back,  "Y'all whispered in ears spreading fear and didn't give a damn about the protocols we have in place!"

 

Maggie trys to argue but I shout over her, "Our laws are there for a reason!  Our laws are meant to avoid shit like this!  You don't get to pick and choose which laws to follow!"

 

"Nothing happened," Beth shouts back at her sister.  

 

Maggie tries to grab her but she dodges, running to my side.  Hershel tries to come forward to grab her but Silas and his guys step forward.  They dont threaten but the warning is clear.  

 

Beth latches onto my arm, her eyes a storm of fear and worry and shame.  She understands without me saying a word.  And she doesn't cower, she doesn't crumble beneath her family's disappointed glare.  She stands beside me, making her position more than clear.

 

All of the people from the houses are either out in the road or leaning out of windows to listen.  This is probably the most entertainment they've had in a while.  I snort at the thought that our lives are better than the daytime dramas momma used to love so much.

 

Merle and Daryl both have Rick pinned to the ground.  And while they're not hitting him they certainly aren't letting him up either.  Hes still straining in their hold but hes not getting free of it.

 

A truck rumbles to the gate followed by several people hopping out.  Billy, our resident giant, along with Eddie wander in.  They are the ones from the main gate.  But already three more slip in past them, the second and third watches on the right of the gate.

 

Hershel tries to sweet talk Beth into going back inside.  He tries to order and he tries to coerse.  She ignores him, refusing to look at him even.  He makes a wounded sound that makes her hand tighten on my arm but she still doesn't budge.

 

Then he turns to the others, imploring them to stop this.  He's the very picture of concerned father.  And its not fake, he thinks he's protecting her.  But I won't let him kill people for this!

 

I glance at Beth.  She looks back pained, no doubt ashamed of what her father has done in her name.  But she meets my gaze and nods, agreeing that this needs to be addressed. 

 

It takes a while for those further out.  But none ignore the call to return.  The council tries to order people back inside.  But no one listens. Because its clear that something major is going on.

 

Debra even tries to pass this off as a family matter but it only makes the others more curious.  Because they can clearly see this isn't a small thing to be swept aside.  They know something here is wrong and they want to know what it is.

 

Four more vehicles rumble up to park outside the gate which is now wide open.  A group of ten look around curiously but so far everyone is being patient.  Tyler and Oliver as well as Justin and his family are the last to come in.

 

Rick is still trying to fight his way free but the brothers aren't allowing it.  I have to give him credit, most would've given up by now.  And I would probably appreciate such behavior if it wasn't colored by such blind stupidity.

 

Hershel is nearly in tears and Maggie is doing her best to sooth him.  That man really has himself worked up over this.  And I wish I could forgive him, I do.

 

But all I can see is my dad standing against the Dixons.  I can't handle loosing Daryl.  I love him more than anything else in this world.  He's the best thing that ever happened to me.  

 

My dad isn't here to chase them off and for that I'm grateful.  I miss my parents everyday but I'm also glad that they're not here to tell me to keep quiet and stay out of it.  Because if my parents were here then I wouldn't be the strong person I am. I would just be a weak little girl told to obey.

 

Daryl and Merle taught me to fight.  They taught me to be strong.  They listened when I spoke and took my advice.  They made me feel ten feet tall.

 

I grew stronger with them.  And Beth can grow stronger too.  I wont let Hershel keep her weak just because hes afraid to lose her.  I wont let him control her just because hes afraid of her growing up.  I wont allow it!

 

"Okay, people, listen up!" I shout out, easily gaining their attention.  "The council is demanding a ruling before sunrise.  Silas's group is on trial, offense laid by Hershel Green."

 

That gets a lot of confused glances which makes me think that the council didn't really talk to everyone.  That pissed me off.  This involves everyone!  No one is above the laws or the laws don't matter!

 

I swallow, trying to calm myself enough to address them, "By the laws of Pheonix, laws we all agreed to!, any and all banishment or death sentencing must be voted before the entire community."

 

There's a few nods.  Everyone remembers this being clearly explained.  In fact, they found it a comfort to know they couldn't just be cast out.

 

"These laws are here for a reason!" I tell them, "No one is above the law!  Any attempts of circumventing the laws can be grounds for banishment."

 

There's a lot of nervous shifting as people draw closer.  There's a tension building in the crowd.  They still listen, they are more awake and alert now.

 

Rick seems to have given up the fight.  Or on a second glance, he's been knocked unconscious.  Merle and Daryl both sit on either side of him, watching me.  Pride glowing in both of their eyes.

 

"Hershel claims that Silas's group is a threat," I tell them, "But he did not explain the circumstances that made him believe this.  So we will discuss and we All will vote."

 

I glance at Beth who looks back startled.  But with a nervous nod she steps forward to address the crowd.  Maggie moves to block her but it's Glenn that pulls her back.  Although he looks pained at the glare she casts him.

 

"It's a misunderstanding," Beth begins shaky but her voice strengthens.  "Caleb and I were talking.  Daddy told me to be careful but they're good people, just like the rest of us, so I wasnt worried."

 

She rubs her hands against her legs, shooting a pained look at both Caleb and her dad.  It's clear that she's taking some blame of this onto herself.  But at least she doesn't buckle under the pressure.  She strengthens herself before the crowd.

 

She keeps going, "Caleb offered to let me ride his bike.  I've never ridden one before.  I've ridden horses and even a bull once but never a bike and it looked fun."

 

There's a few chuckles at that and some tension that had been building relaxes.  No doubt some are remembering their own youthful adventures.  And who hasn't wanted to ride a motorcycle when it's always been so cool.

 

She smiles back at the crowd, "We didn't go fast, barely fast enough to be considered going at all.  I mean, Maggie and Glenn caught up with us if that tells you anything."

 

More chuckles and the tension drops further.  Yes, they accept that she was just being young.  And several glance between the two with knowing smiles.  They already see that it was a couple-y thing to do.

 

Beth smiles more genuine, "She was mad cause daddy said I shouldnt talk to them and dad said I had to stay home cause I'm grounded for riding the bike with Caleb."

 

She flinches, looking guilty at Silas and his group but mostly at Caleb.  She tells them, "I didn't know he would do this, I swear."

 

They dont blame her, that much is clear.  There may be a few annoyed huffs but no one actually complains.  It probably helps that Caleb is sending her shy proud smiles.

 

Rick groans loudly as he wakes up.  I lean back against the RV nearer me.  I'm really too tired now.  But this needs to be done.

 

"Caleb," I call.  He blinks wide eyed at me but he steps forward, back straight.  I ask, "Explain your behavior."

 

He blinks surprised and a touch confused so I add, "What was your reasoning for taking her on your bike?  Were you aware that her father had forbidden her from speaking with you?  What were your intentions?"

 

He blushes, actually blushes, and ducks his head.  That gets a lot of chuckles from the crowd and some teasing from his group.  But a deep breath and a glance at Beth seems to give him a boost in confidence.  

 

He straightens up and answers, "I like her."

 

That triggers a blush from the both of them and snorts or chuckles from most of the others.  There's even some gentle ribbing and shoving amongst the bikers.  He grins around proudly before looking back at Beth with wide hopeful eyes.  She smiles back shyly.

 

"We was bored so I thought we could go for a ride," he continues more confidently.  "We was just circling the road along the border.  Folks do that all the time."

 

"Especially around the neighbors loop," Oliver adds amused.

 

I glance over to see him grinning back.  I do blush but I fight it off.  It does remind me that I'm not fully dressed at the moment but no one else has noticed.  I am careful to keep my dress pulled down.

 

I stand tall, not that I'm tall or anything, and address the crowd, "Does anyone here have cause to see this group banished?"

 

There's a few glances, more curious than anything.  But no one answers.  There are no reasons to banish them.  This was one man's anger turned against a group.

 

"All those in favor of dismissing the banishment, raise your hands," I call out.  Unsurprising, everyone raises their hands.

 

I turn to Hershel, "What evidence do you have in word or deed that these people were or are a threat?"

 

He glares back from red rimmed eyes.  His lips pressed into a thin line.  And while there's shaking in his hands, his back is straight and proud.

 

I ask again, "Has anything they said or done been threatening?  Have they caused any harm to anyone within our community?"

 

He still doesn't respond.  Although, from the pained look in his eye and the way Maggie is standing stiff beside him, he knows he's done wrong.  Glenn stands close but he won't look up at anyone.

 

I could let it go at this.  That's what Rick woukd do.  But he could've been the cause of several deaths.  All of this because hes afraid of his daughter growing up.

 

I warn him, "You are as much on trial here, Hershel Greene, as those you've accused."

 

Rick starts to argue but I glare back, "When Andrea and Amy were banished you questioned me, Daryl, and Merle as much if not worse than them.  So don't you dare tell me to let this go!"

 

He struggles to stand but both brothers grab a shoulder, keeping him down.  They won't let him take back control.  They won't let him stop this or sweep it all away like he wants.

 

I turn to face him, "You're a fucking coward!  Just because you were a cop does not mean you are above the law!  Just because you're a man doesn't mean you should lead!  Your actions could be gotten all of these people killed because two kids had a crush!"

 

He has the grace to look away.  So he knows he did wrong too.  He knew, that's why they did this in secret.  And they thought that no one would fight them over this.

 

I glare at the rest of the council, "The council is supposed to preside over conflicts and judge fairly.  We're supposed to represent all of the people of our community, not just the ones we like!"

 

Most of them have the grace to look ashamed.  But I'm not done.  Because this can never happen again.  We can't let it happen again.

 

"You are all banned from the council, due to questionable leadership," I tell them calmly.

 

There's some shouts and confusion.  Even some of the crowd is startled.   Half the reason they joined is because of the laws of the council.  But this council isn't upholding the laws.  And I won't allow that!

 

"The council will be voted on tomorrow," I assure them.  "Everyone may cast their vote and offer a nominee.  It will be an open voting of twelve seats.  Any questions?"

 

Oddly enough there wasn't.  I ordered the guards back to their posts and told everyone that tomorrow between breakfast until the end of lunch, we would accept votes.  That way everyone will have a chance to have their voice heard.  


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

 

We're not the only ones who didn't sleep.  Daryl insisted that we return home.  He worries I'm straining myself.  But it's nice to be cared for.  It's nice when he holds me so tight.

 

Merle had pressed a whiskey kiss to my forehead and run off upstairs to where Carol had gone to sit with the children.  Those two have certainly gotten closer lately.  I'm happy for them both. I really just want them to be happy.

 

Daryl made me lay down even if he spent the whole time stroking me and whispering how proud he was.  His large hands running slowly over my body.  And he claimed me again, brought me to the stars two more times before dawn.

 

His voice a low husky growl against my skin, "So beautiful, my Darlin, standing up to them all.  So strong, my Darlin, showing them who's really in charge here.  Love ya, my Darlin!"

 

Yeah, I didn't get any sleep.  But morning came with plenty of noise.  And this time it wasn't the kids.

 

People outside, walking the streets and talking in huddled groups.  A few of the council members hurrying this way and that to convince those they could to reinstate them.  Rick has been the most active of them all to the brothers amusement.

 

It was universally agreed that breakfast would be a communial meal today.  In fact, all meals will be.  With today being so important, I will most likely stay outside all day to organize this whole mess.

 

The canopies are set up on the road near the gate and stretching out into Poplar road.  Tables and chairs are already set up.  And Robert is manning a camp stove on the center table with oatmeal cooking away.

 

Someone, Silas's group it looks like, have setup a table in the center with a big cardboard sign that says 'Vote here!'.  There's a yellow legal pad, a box of pens, and a shoebox already there.  I smile gratefully at those still around for all of their hard work so early.

 

Jonsie comes up with another cardboard piece.  Its the long side of a refrigerator box by the looks of it.  He must've been the one to arrange some of this.  But it wasn't just Silas's group working on it because I can already see Oliver and Taylor behind them setting plates as well as others moving around with chairs and more tables.

 

He hands it over with a box of markers and says, "For the votes or whatever.  We wasn't sure what all you would need for this."

 

I offer a proud 'thanks!' Which gets a smile in return.  Then I sit down at the table, pulling Daryl with me.  We have a lot of work if we want this to go right and I'll need his input.

 

"We need to make it understood that the new council will not have those from this mess involved," I tell Daryl.

 

His reply is, "Damn right, Darlin."

 

So I make a list of those on the council already.  It was me, Daryl, and Merle as well as Dale, Carol, Jackie, and Rick from the core group.  Carol has been slowly pulling away from the council so I'll need to ask her if she wants on the roster to be voted.

 

Malcolm, Debra and Adam joined to represent the military group.  Margaret and Kenny joined to represent the farming side of things.  And Hershel just kept showing up until he became a seat without thought.

 

We lost Adam and Kenny who were both our biggest supporters for bringing in more people.  Loosing them left their wives scrambling to fill their positions.  Debra became focused on security.  Margaret stopped caring about anything but Hollie and her boys.

 

It's not their fault.  They're just trying to adjust to this crazy world of ours.  But I won't let their insecurity blind us to what's right.

 

I chew my lip in thought of how the council should be chosen.  Daryl, as a hunter and runner, has a unique input that no one else in our community can compare to.  He sees thing from a different angle and can come up with some truly ingenious plans.

 

We need a representative for each group for fairness.  But we also need people who will work for the good of the whole community.  So how should people be nominated?

 

We still need someone to represent the farming side of things.  We need someone to represent the border patrol since their our defense.  We need someone to represent the runners to keep us up with what's done and what's still needed.

 

Daryl pulls my hand away.  I hadn't even realized I was chewing on my thumbnail.  And by the amused look on his face, I can tell he's called my name a time or two.  With a gentle tug he pulls me around to the chairs and makes me ait down.

 

Someone already put two bowls on the table.  Both hold banana nut oatmeal and some dried banana chips.  I almost laugh at that.

 

My pregnancy cravings haven't been that bad overall.  But starting last week I've been craving bananas.  Daryl had gone scouring through our supplies until he found the bags of banana chips.  Then he claimed several for us to everyone's amusement but no arguments came.

 

People gather quickly beneath the canopy.  There's a buzz of excitement moving through the people.  It makes me feel better about this.

 

The council represents the people of Pheonix.  And to do that they should be chosen by the people.  Perhaps we should make this a regular thing.

 

Breakfast is good and warm.  I finish mine quickly, spoon scraping the bowl.  Daryl passes me his half full bowl with an amused grin.  I accept it with a smile in return.

 

By the time I've eaten the rest of his I have a rough plan for how to start this.  Looking around I see most of the people are here already.  There's a few missing, those posted on patrol, no doubt.

 

I pass my walkie to Daryl with a quiet, "Can you keep those on patrol up to date on what's said?"

 

He raises an eyebrow but nods.  I stand to address the crowd.  I hear Daryl call over the radio, "Listen y'all, we about ta get started here so keep ya radios on an listen up."

 

I don't have to call for silence.  Quiet seems to ripple outward as soon as I stand.  I offer a smile around in thanks.

 

"Alright, everyone," I begin, "here's how this all will go."

 

I look out over a sea of eager faces.  I try to speak loud enough for them all to hear, "Due to questionable leadership, the following people are banned from the council; Rick, Hershel, Dale, Jackie, Debra, and Malcolm.  This is because they chose to disregard our laws and policies in order to achieve a result detrimental to our community."

 

There are a few nods amongst the crowd.  It seems they all accept the issue without argument.  Although Maggie glares back at me, I just ignore it all.

 

I continue to address them, "We will begin with discussing how the nominations will occur."

 

They sit up eagerly so I keep going, "Anyone may offer forward a name, except of those banned, which will be added to a list.  After breakfast, after we have our list, each adult member of the community will vote for the twelve people they would like on the council.  You will sign that you have made your vote and you will have all of the time until after lunch.  We will give repeated calls when we're closing the voting so that we have everyone's vote."

 

A hand shoots up.  It's Andrew, one of the teens Michonne saved.  I nod for him to say, "Can anyone be nominated?"

 

"Any adult of the community, regardless of how long they've been here, may be nominated," I answer.

 

He grins back and proudly states, "I nominate Michonne!"

 

I turn, picking up a black marker.  I add her name to the long blank cardboard.  It's the first of many.  Soon enough, several more names are added.

 

Hershel offers Maggie's name.  Oliver offers Taylor's name to the list.  Caleb offers Silas's, Eric offers Jonsie.  A few names are shouted out loud: Barry, AJ, Debbie, Rhys, Adrian, Kiara, Laura, and Miranda.

 

Daryl speaks up then, walkie in hand, "Border nominate me, you, and Nick."

 

I add the names to the list.  By the time we're done there are almost thirty names on the board.  I double check the group present and have Daryl call again on the walkie to see if there's anymore nominees.

 

No one offers more so I call out, "Alright, nominees are closed.  Now we will open voting.  You will each select twelve people for the new council and sign your name after you have voted.  Any questions?"


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

 

I have to call a wait for supplies.  Beth runs off and hurries back with a pack of blank cards, a composition book, and another box of pens.  Then I remind them that everyone will get a chance to vote and for them to create three lines in front of our table.

 

I ask Beth to sit at the table and help with the voting.  She puffs up excitedly at such an important job.  We divide out the pens and blank cards but keep the notebook in the middle.

 

A few are already hovering, eager to cast their vote.  I glance again to be sure the nominee list is fully visible where it's propped up in a chair.  Another glance at Daryl and Beth show that they're both ready.

 

I address the crowd again, "When you come up here, you will write out twelve names on a blank card with your name on the back.  Then you will sign the comp book to show that you have cast your vote."

 

We hand over a card and a pen to those standing at the table.  They write out the names, pass us their card, and sign their names in the comp book.  Then they move away and another takes their place.

 

This continues for hours.  People coming up, writing down their choices, then moving on so another can take their place.  There are huddled groups around discussing their votes but so far spirits are up.

 

I'm surprised when lunch comes around.  Burgers, chips, and sodas are passed around.  Robert brings a plate for the three of us at the voting table.

 

Lunch lasts about two hours where people come and go as their work shifts allow.  In this case, those going out to border patrol eat early about eleven.  Then they leave to switch places with those from morning patrol who come through about twelve thirty or one to grab their food.

 

Most everyone cast their votes early so it's only those coming from border patrol that are left.  I ask Beth to take them a card and the comp book so they can cast their votes.  That way Daryl and I can get started counting the votes.

 

I end up writing out the names of all of the nominees on the legal pad, leaving a blank space between each name.  It takes up two pages this way.  Then I have Daryl read out the cards and I place a mark next to each name he calls.

 

We remain hunched over the papers, names spoken back and forth as they're marked.  Beth returns with ten more cards.  I ask her to double check on the walkies that everyone has voted.

 

Lunch ends at two and after repeated calls over the radios we close the voting.  A few names are obviously favored; me, Daryl, and Michonne.  But we still count up all of the marks and put the total next to each name.

 

When we get all of the names tallied it's probably four in the afternoon.  There was a few close counts as to who would win but we have our council.  Now it's time to let everyone know.

 

I call over the walkie, telling everyone to come out to the canopies unless they're on patrol.  Those I remind to keep their walkies on as we're going to call out on those.  It takes time for everyone to gather but it gives us time to tidy up too.

 

Once there's a big enough crowd to begin, I pass the walkie back to Daryl and address the group.  I say, "Okay, we've counted up the votes and we now have the new council chosen.  A quick reminder that those who serve on the council will be responsible for representing all members of our community to the best of their ability."

 

I call the first few names, "Daryl, Carol, and myself have been elected to remain on the council."

 

That earns some smiles and nods.  I guess that we're not much of a surprise. I add the next to loud cheers, "Michonne."

 

I hear Daryl repeat the names over the walkie.  I call the next, "Taylor."

 

Oliver gives an excited shout at that.  There's already a lot of back slapping going on.  But I call over the noise to give the next names, "Silas and Jonsie."

 

The shouts that erupt from their group is loud enough to drown out everything else.  There's a lot of jumping and fists pounding backs.  I'm sure they expected Silas to win but having Jonsie as well is a definite plus in their eyes.

 

I give them a moment to calm before I call the next name, "Barry."

 

Barry is an older man that came with the RV group.  He's in his late fifties with two grown daughters, both with brown hair and brown eyes.  He used to work in retail management, now he works the farms for us.  

 

He has the kind, friendly personality that makes him welcome with anyone.  He's a good, patient father figure to many around him, looking after those young adults as if they were his own kids.  He has a gentle sense of humor and while his dad jokes are silly they are also well appreciated.

 

The next name I call is, "Miranda."

 

Miranda is a single woman in her thirties with short brown hair and light hazel eyes.  She's also from the RV group and she too works the fields now.  But while Barry is a gentle personality, Miranda is more outspoken.  

 

She often takes charge of the groups and leads by example.  More than once I've heard her name spoken well so I'm glad to have her on the council.  She should fit in just fine with the others.

 

I call the next name, "Nick."

 

Nick was a part of Billy's group originally but now he has a perminate position on border patrol.  He's tall and broad with shaved black hair and dark eyes but lighter brown skin.  He talks often about football but I don't understand enough to know what he's talking about.

 

"Koda," I call out.  

 

He's young, only just turned twenty before the world ended.  He was celebrating his birthday with some family on a vacation in Atlanta.  At least his parents and sister survived with him in Billy's group.

 

His family are all Cherokee, native American, with bronze skin and long black hair.  They all have wide smiles and friendly personalities.  All four of them have joined patrol rotation as well as farm work.  

 

I call the last name, "Adrian."

 

He's another young one from Billy's group, twenty one.  He's quiet and reserved, not overly friendly.  He used to work security at a hospital but he ran when the military turned to shooting everyone present. He lost his wife and two young children early on before he found Billy's group.

 

He joined Glenns team and so far thats been going well.  I haven't spent much time with him but I've heard good things.  He also gathers supplies for others, specific things, which is probably why people voted him in.  His was the one we were most unsure of but he beat Glenn out by one vote.

 

There's a lot of shouting and back slapping.  Adrian and Koda both look back shocked that they were chosen.  At least everyone seems happy with those elected.

 

"A quick word to those elected," I call out over the noise, "We will meet tomorrow to go over the inventory and what all needs to be done.  I want to thank everyone for voting and wish everyone a good night."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

 

The council gathers early, just after breakfast.  The new members look around, confused but pleased with a healthy dose of nervousness.  But everyone seems eager to start work.

We are interrupted before we can even begin by a baby's cry. There's a moment of confusion before we all seem to glance as one to the formal dining room that's become our infirmary. Because my babies are at home and they are... were the youngest. That cry can only be Hollie's baby. 

I push myself up to go see. Daryl and Carol follow close behind but the others remain seated. No doubt they're unsure of their welcome. 

Lisa stands in the far corner, her back to us as she messing with something in the incubator. I glance over at Hollie, laying exhausted on the bed with her two boys hovering close and Hershel wiping his hands at the foot of the bed. All three of them cast nervous glances across the room but Hershel doesn't seem worried. 

It's Hershel who watches us approach. And with a tired sigh he explains, "The baby is still early so we've got him on oxygen now. He'll need some sun and some good care but he should be fine." 

I can't help but ask, a little disbelieving, "When did this happen?" 

He rolls his shoulders, frowning a glance at the clock on the wall. Then he answers, "She's been in labor since late last night. The baby came pretty quickly, all things considered. But they need rest now." 

Lisa glances over her shoulder at Hershel and says, "I got this, Hershel, you go rest. We'll trade after lunch." 

He nods tiredly, tossing the rag in his hands into the nearby laundry basket. He looks like he hasn't had any rest last night. I glance over at Hollie who smiles tiredly. I offer, "Beth has our kids over at the park if you want to send your boys that way." 

They dont want to leave their mother but Hershel guides them away. I spare a moment to ask if she needs anything to which she answers, "Sleep." 

We leave her to rest, returning to the council still seated. No one seems bothered by the wait and they all share relieved looks at the news that both mother and child are healthy. So I call the meeting to begin. 

 

Since Barry used to work in management I ask, "Would you mind taking over the inventory books?"

 

He smiles back with a confident, "No problem at all.  I've handled inventory for most of my life so this will be just fine."

 

I pass him the stack of spiral books.  There is one for each area as well as two for food.  They are all kept on a shelf in the corner, each with a neatly written label, along with the meeting notes.

 

Then I ask, "We need someone to transcribe the meetings.  This is usually Hollie but she's been bedridden due to complications."

 

There's a few glances back and forth before Miranda raises her hand with a shy, "I can do it."

 

I pass her a new comp book with a comment, "I will ask you to finish out the old book.  She couldn't make the last few months and the council had been meeting in secret so I don't know what's been written and what hasn't.  When you get the time I would like you to fill in what you can."

 

She nods agreement, taking the book and pen I offer.  I give her and Barry a few minutes to glance over the books.  While they're doing that I pass out glasses of iced tea, one of the perks of these meetings.

 

Barry is flipping through the books.  His brows furrowed in concern and his glasses on the end of his nose.  Miranda has the book ready, listing the new members.  She hesitates to ask the date.

 

Daryl shrugs, "We're thinking it's late April, probably the 25th. Thats our best guess."  

 

She nods, jotting down the date.  I call the meeting to begin, "Okay, to start we will discuss what your responsibilities will be with regards to your position on the council."

 

They all look back evenly.  Barry even slips his glasses off, sitting them on the open book, and looking back.  This is a good group so I think they will take to their jobs well enough.

 

"Mr. Barry," I glance over to see him smiling back.  "You'll take charge of inventory.  It's nearly a full time job, monitoring what comes and goes.  Carol will assist you in this, she's damn good at it too."  

 

He chuckles lightly at that.  No doubt he can see the importance just by the quick glance he's taken at the books.  But he still looks confidant so I'm sure he will manage this well.  And he shoots a pleased look at Carol who smiles back.

 

"There are three sets of keys," I pass all three keyrings to him.  "You will need to choose two others to help you watch the inventory.  Each keyring holds a key to the storage units.  Red ring is medical and military sheds.  Blue is food sheds.  Yellow has the keys to everything else from bedding to cleaners to gardening supplies."

 

He nods back, fingering the keyrings.  Each ring contains at least ten keys.  They were split between Rick, Jackie, and Debra but for obvious reasons that couldn't remain.

 

"Each shed has a clipboard where items are signed out at the beginning of each week," I remind him.  "As you remember, each household, family, or group set has a designated amount of supplies they get each week.  You and those you choose will be responsible for ensuring that the supplies continue to be divided fairly."

 

He nods back, puffed up proudly.  I add, "You can, of course, pull extra hands to help with weekly distribution and we use the milkcrates to pass it all out.  Because of this you will only work the farm a day or two a week.  Does that sound fair?"

 

He nods back smiling, "More than fair, honey, I've got this no problem."

 

I glance at Miranda sitting next to him.  To her I say, "Miranda, I've got you as a farmer and record keeper."

 

She nods back, still scribbling away.  So I continue, "We need you to keep up with what all is planted, where it's planted.  We need to know what we have as far as supplies and what we need.  We need to know if it's possible to set up wells in the farthest fields.  You can pull Hershel or his daughters to help, they've lived on a farm all their lives so their experience is invaluable."

 

She glances up, "You sure you want them involved?"

 

"They are as much a part of this community as anyone," I answer steadily.  "I may not want them on the council because of questionable leadership but I'm not going to dismiss their advice on what they know."

 

Several blink back surprised. I guess they thought we would ostrisize the council but that's not our way.  They made a mistake and showed they shouldn't be leading us but that doesn't mean they can't still be a part of the community.

 

I glace around and offer, "Nick, Taylor, I have you two down as border guards.  You will share responsibility to keep up with the schedule and roster of the guard shifts."  

 

They share a glance and a nod to say they've got this.  I add, "You will ensure that everyone is trained and aware of what to do.  You will also check the border regularly for weaknesses and look into stretching out beyond out far border past the fields.  With our increase in population I want as much land for farming and animals as we can get.  So I want the two of you looking at maps to see how far and in what way we should extend."

 

That surprises them but another shared glance shows they're willing to accept the responsibility.  I glance at Daryl who nods his agreement to help them.  I don't even have to ask aloud for him to know my thoughts on that."

 

"Michonne and Adrian," I address them.  "You two are our runners so that's what I have you for.  I want to know how the team's are doing.  I need updates on what's going on out there.  I need to know how the streets are looking and what looks like a bountiful run and what looks like a waste of time."

 

Both nod back seriously.  I have no doubt that the two will work well together on this.  And neither will let Rick give them shit about them issuing orders now.

 

"Koda, Daryl," both glance over, "I've got you two on animals and hunting.  I would like to bring in more animals if we can.  We also need to know how our current herds are doing and how their food is doing.  I need to know how well they're breeding and which ones we should mark to cull for the winter months without hurting our numbers."

 

Koda grins back, asking, "Can I drag my parents into this?  They've worked a dairy farm before but I haven't.  I'm good at hunting though."

 

I smile back, "Bring in who you need, who you know will help.  Just be aware of all the jobs everyone has and be careful not to leave any area shortstaffed."

 

He nods back pleased.  And with a quick smirk at Daryl he adds, "Can't wait to see who gets the biggest buck."

 

That earns some chuckles from the others.  Daryl just laughs out, "We'll see, kid, but I'm the better shot an ya know it."

 

"Silas and Jonsie," I add slowly.  To be honest, I had the most trouble with them.  They're both calm and level headed and both are capable in a fight.  So I tell them, "I've got you two on peacekeeping."

 

That earns some amused snorts and outright chuckles from the council.  I smile, explaining, "You are both calm and level headed.  You both have good leadership skills and people listen to you.  And you're both stern and strong enough not to take any shit."

 

More laughter comes at that but both nod their consent.  Although Silas asks, "You really expect us to act like Ranger Rick?"

 

I laugh, "No, but with this many people we need a few to instill order.  Y'all will be called in if there's fights within the community but also when we meet new people.  You will be responsible for checking all new members before they're allowed freedom within Pheonix Nest, okay?"

 

They both nod their agreement.  This doesn't free any of them from their prior duties.  It does lessen their other works when necessary but they will still complete any and all work in their areas.

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

 

"I have a concern," Barry speaks up with a serious frown.

 

Once he's sure that he has everyone's attention, he adds, "We go through a lot of food.  The inventory sheets are well kept but if these numbers are accurate then I worry that we're being wasteful."

 

Worried glances are passed around.  I ask, "How bad does it look?"

 

He scratches his nose, "We've brought in a lot of food since that's the main thing the runners look for but we go through it just as quickly.  We only have three sheds set up for food and with our population and how often we bring in food that just doesn't look good.  All it will take is a couple weeks of no food on the runs to put us low.  A couple months and were in trouble."

 

"What do you suggest?" I ask.

 

He blinks surprised.  After a glance around and a thoughtful hum he offers, "We need to hit food big time now but it may be good to either keep to community meals or eliminate a meal.  If we eat twice a day instead of three times, that would save us plenty.  Or if we hold community meals under the canopies like we did yesterday, that could work too."

 

I frown at that.  Either way would be a big change.  This isn't something that the council alone can vote on.  It is worrying that the former council never brought it up.  

 

But maybe this played into their decision to chase out the large group.  It would explain why they did it the way they did.  But that's still worrying because this should've been addressed, not whispered about.

 

"We'll call a meeting at lunchtime today or tomorrow and address the issue," I offer.  "This is too big for us to decide, we'll hold a vote."

 

"Is this a recent issue?" Jonsie asks cautiously.

 

Barry shakes his head negatively, "From what I can tell it's an issue that while it's gotten worse with the boost in numbers, it still would've been an issue regardless."

 

"Why wasn't it discussed before?" Adrian asks.

 

I shrug, "This is the first I've heard of it.  To my knowledge we've been doing really good on food and it was Jackie and Debra who monitored inventory and the distribution lists.  Neither said a word about the turnover."

 

"Regardless of if we change our eating habits or not," Michonne interrupts, "We will need to make a big run soon."

 

Something tickles at my memory.  Something important that I found in the beginning.  Something that I was excited about but we didn't have the manpower to pull it off.

 

I groan aloud when it hits me.  Daryl reaches over but I shake my head.  This isn't the baby it's my stupidity.

 

"I need my old maps, from before we got here," I tell Daryl.

 

He blinks but heads over to the shelf and the enormous pile of maps that are kept there.  A bit of shuffling has him selecting three.  I see it dawn on him when he glances over them.

 

I accept them with a sheepish grin.  Pushing up from the chair I lean over the table and spread out two of the maps.  All three are the same but the third is where I selected possible locations for us to take over.

 

"When all of this first happened I went a little crazy," I offer sheepishly.  "I was convinced we needed everything and immediately so I went about marking places for us to hit.  Unfortunately, we didn't have the manpower to pull these off."

 

The first map is of Atlanta itself and a few outlining areas.  There are several yellow circles, places I highlighted.  I had spent several nights going over the maps again and again for every possibility.

 

I had actually used my cell phone, looking up as many places as I could.  It shouldn't have worked but somehow my map app did still.  I've thought about it and the best I can assume is that it worked because it's linked to the satellite.  

 

It stopped working completely a week after we made it to the quarry.  But I had enough time to plot out a lot of options.  I think most people lost the battery power of their phones early on and couldn't recharge them.  Thank goodness the RV had a generator hooked up so I was able to charge my phone.

 

I point to one area, deep within the city, "By this point the dead will have migrated out of the city so that leaves more options but not for long."

 

Several concerned faces turn back to me.  I nod, understanding their concern but I do think we can handle it.  It won't be easy but it is manageable.

 

"This is a distribution center," I tell them.  "The industrial district wasn't heavily populated anyways so this should be an easy one to hit.  We go in fast and hard with the delivery truck."

 

Adrian leans closer, pointing to another spot, "There's a u-haul lot here.  They keep them all gassed full and the keys are in a station here so it should be easy to get to."

 

Barry nods, "Our last check shows the delivery truck empty and our fuel rations are dangerously low.  We need gas too!"

 

"Okay," I agree, "We take two pickups, as many runners as we can fit in them and arm them with guns and bows.  Then we send them to each grab a moving truck and hit the center.  There will probably be some cursed around there but our people should be able to handle it."

 

Michonne and Adrian both nod their agreement.  Silas offers, "Y'all can take my crew.  They can pile in another truck.  This center will be a big run and you'll need all the experienced fighters that we've got."

 

I nod, "Michonne, Adrian, and Jonsie will each lead a truck.  Y'all grab enough people and be sure they're armed well for this.  It'll be a cramped drive out but it should be more than worth it."

 

"Will there not be trucks already at the center?" Jonsie asks.

 

I shrug, "Probably but we don't know about their gas."

 

He frowns, glancing at the others before adding, "I think we should hit the center first.  We can check the trucks there and get to work filling them.  Then if we need we can send a truck of drivers off to get more trucks."

 

Everyone agrees so that's the plan.  Silas whistles, looking over the map, "Damn, sweetheart, you got a lot of damn big hits listed here."

 

I shrug sheepishly, "I couldn't sleep so I hit the maps.  Most of these were too big for us to hit but we have the people now to pull it off safely."

 

"You gonna leave anything for others out there?" Silas teases.

 

I tense up but answer, "We gotta protect our own. And a big run like this needs a big crew. Others out there will hit the small shops and houses. Ain't no one got a crew can handle the warehouses."

 

"You know," Barry says thoughtfully, "There will probably be forklifts to help with loading the trucks and the supplies itself shoukd be packed to ship."

 

"But there will be cursed," Adrian warns. "And we have no way of knowing how many."

 

Barry pick up the red keyring, pocketing the others. Then with a decisive nod he says, "Lets get you guys some weapons while you're pulling people."

 

Daryl leave to show Barry the gun shed. I trust that he'll help him get enough for everyone. The others disperse to gather people for the run.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

 

It only takes an hour to get everyone ready and heading out the gates.  There's a nervous buzz going through the community. A big run like this is usually planned days in advance. So everyone knows something is going on.

 

We take a moment to assure everyone that there's no immediate danger. But I also tell them that we will jave a discussion tomorrow most likely. I wont hide worries from them, that's how you start panic. So I tell them that as soon as our people are back from the run, we will go over everything.

 

At least we have a plan for more food.  And once they return there should be enough supplies brought in to stem any panic. We will also reassure them that we have plans to expand our border as well as more big runs planned. Hopefully that will be enoigh to keep the peace.

 

We'll hit the Cisco center on Fulton today.  If we can scrounge up the fuel we can go for the Wal-Mart center just down the road from there.  Of course, that's hoping that we can handle taking the centers.  

 

They left with forty people crammed into three trucks so they should have more than enough to take them.  It won't be a comfortable ride out there but there will be more than enough to bring everything back.  And the more bodies means it will get done faster.

 

If those go well we can hit the centers outside of the city.  Maybe we can even hit the WIC center outside the city as well as the two food pantries between the city and us.  Those should be good runs if we can find the fuel for them.   

 

I spend the day with Carol and Barry.  Each of us going over and discussing the inventory.  It becomes clear that we've been frivolous with our food stores and it's only been our good luck that's kept us from starving.

 

It's worrisome that none of us noticed.  Even Carol blushes, shyly admitting, "I helped with counting and passed the numbers but I didn't bother with the books.  Jackie was worried that too many people writing in it would mess up the numbers."

 

I nod, accepting the excuse.  It's not her fault, none of us noticed.  Hell, we've had regular parties and movie nights that have ate up our supplies too.  And by the look of the fuel book, that too is nearly critically low.  To the point we barely had enough to send out the trucks today.

 

Our generators run on fuel but they only power the kitchens.  Everything else is cut off from the circuit breakers.  So that isn't a big drain on power.  We did good there.

 

But the fuel for the vehicles as well as the amount we waste on movie nights is staggering.  We've already bled the local stations dry.  We've had to fill our tanks during runs from abandoned vehicles and the few dregs left at stations.  

 

Which is all kinds of dangerous.  We risked our people getting stranded each time this past month. That's not a risk I'm willing to take anymore. So we need to come up with something fast.

 

There are a few older stations further out in the counties that we can try but others may also have hit them.  We'll have to look into if it's worth it to run for fuel in the city.  Maybe a few of those manual pumps they found on the storage containers lot will help them access the fuel.

 

We also need to stop using cars for close runs.  What we really need is a wagon or two that the horses can pull.  We grabbed them for a reason and we should use them for close runs as much as we can.  

 

Although I have no idea where to look for a wagon.  I make a note to ask Hershel later if he knows where we can look.  Surely he will know where at least one can be found.

 

We also need to hit the urgent care clinics on the edge of the city.  But that's not a rush run.  Right now food and fuel will have priority.  

 

If we're not careful we will be eating our animals up this winter.  Which is dangerous because we can't exactly run to the store for more.  We had planned to breed them up for a year or two before starting to cull them but we may have no choice when winter comes.

 

So we sort out new maps, marking possible runs and noting what we know of the areas.  Michonne and Adrian will have to go over them soon to offer suggestions or let us know what won't be worth it.  Maybe they will have suggestions for where we can source fuel from.

 

I also suggest we grab CB when he gets off border patrol.  He's been hooking up solar panels along the border to run the RVs out there.  I'm not sure what he did but I think we should ask him to hook up the houses too.  That way we don't risk running out of fuel for the generators.

 

It's after dinner when we finally call it a day.  There's plenty written up and more to be done tomorrow.   I ache and I'm tired but I doubt I'll sleep because Daryl and Merle are away on this run.

 

Beth and Kiara were watching the kids for us today.  Kiara is a teen that Ricks group found out on a run a few days ago.  She's smart and crafty but still weak and quiet.  We thought putting her and Beth with the kids would help.

 

They've had them at the small corner park.  Merle and several others set up the swings as well as the larger climbing toddler toys.  They even built a small fort for the kids to play in.  Or rather, they took it from the backyard of one of the houses we've been scavenging and rebuilt it here.

 

Micah is leaning heavily against Beth and Evelyn is already asleep in Kiara's arms.  Both offer to help us carry them home.  I grab up Emmett while Carol holds Abigale.  Sophia pushes the stroller as Sarah whines to be held.  I end up taking the stroller so Sophia can carry her.

 

Getting them inside is easy but none are happy with the brothers gone so getting them upstairs isn't going to happen.  Instead I offer to have a sleep over in the front room.  Beth and Carol grab the mattresses from upstairs while I wipe off the kids and change the babies.

 

Then we get everyone settled down to sleep as the teens leave.  Carol lays on one mattress with Abigale and Evelyn between her and Sophia.  I lay on the other with Emmett and Micah on either side of me and Sarah curled against Emmett's back.  The babies sleep in a playpen nearby.

 

It's been a long day but I still feel restless.  So I sing the lullibye for them.  It's soothing to them now, just as it is to me.  And I think it sooths the brothers too. 

 

I wish they had returned but we knew there was a chance they wouldn't be back until tomorrow.  It doesn't make it easier but it is the way it is.  So I close my eyes and pray and hope for the best.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

 

 

I wake tired with the sunrise.  I didn't sleep much but that could also be because it's hot and all of the dogs chose to lay on me.  I huff, glancing down at Riggs who's drapped over my legs.  

 

At least the kids slept well.  And Sarah has one of the pups she's been calling Pip cuddled close to her chest.   I accidentlly wake them when I struggle up from the mattress.  But they all just snuggle back down once I'm up.

 

After a run to the bathroom, or a waddle really, I head for the kitchen.  We have a small can of coffee in the cabinet.  It's mostly for the brothers but I make a small pot anyways.  Mostly I just need the smell.

 

It works to fully wake the others.  A quick breakfast of cereal with boxed milk is set up.  Then I put aprons on Micah, Sarah, and Abigale and send them out for eggs.  Work still needs doing after all.

 

Emmett heads to the dog bowls, all of the dogs hovering over him.  Pip even tries to climb into the plastic bin holding the food.  Emmett gives a loud, "No, Pip, no dog!"

 

It doesn't deter the dogs much.  In fact, while he pushes Pip away, Polly nips forward to steal a bite.  He turns to scold her and the others rush to try as well.

 

I clap my hands loud and order, "Dogs, down!"

 

It works to get them all to back off.  I point across the room and with a stern, "Get!", they slink off.  Emmett shakes a finger with a mimicked, "No!" 

 

Carol snorts, unable to hide her amusement.  She and I share a quick grin at their antics.  It certainly helped improve the mood.

 

I tell her to go meet Barry while I watch the kids.  I assure her I'll keep a walkie the whole time and radio if I need help.  She still leaves Sophia behind with me.

 

I glance over, noticing Sophia's frown.  So I ask, "What's wrong?"

 

She shrugs at first but when I nudge her she admits, "I miss Carl."

 

I blink at that.  I thought all the kids hung out together.  When I say as much she just shakes her head and answers frustrated, "Since Raven got killed and Beth's been busy, he's been watching baby Judith."

 

I had forgotten.  My kids aren't the youngest, Ricks was.  How could I forget baby Judith?  How did I even forget her name?  This isn't a big community.

 

But the answer comes with shame.  I've been so wrapped up in my own drama that I haven't looked too closely at others.  Rick doesn't talk about Judith the way the rest of us talk about ours.  Hell, he doesn't even talk about Carl much.

 

Carl is young, only Sophia's age.  And while she helps with the kids we also let her loose to play.  We never forget that she's a kid too.  

 

So as the kids come back inside, their aprons full, I tell her to go get him and the baby.  I tell her we'll go to the park and I'll watch the baby so the two of them can play with the bigger kids.  

 

She gives an excited, "Thanks!", and runs out the door.

 

I take the eggs from the kids.  They're very careful now not to crack them.  Then I send them off to gather their shoes.  The promise of playing at the park is enough to get them going.

 

We have egg cartons for the eggs that we saved, hard cardboard things.  We reuse them to divide up the eggs for distribution every other week.  It's something everyone looks forward to.  

 

But I put the bowl in the fridge for now.  We can divide them up later, after the park.  Letting the kids play is more important now.

 

I don't bother changing the kids.  Their shirts and shorts from yesterday will be fine for them to get dirty again today.  I do grab a picnic blanket and load it in the stroller.

 

Kendall and Imogene are both awake and pawing at the playpen to escape.  I take out Imogene first.  She gets changed and dressed and tucked in the stroller.  Then it's Kendalls turn.  

 

A last check of shoes and a quick grab of fruit pouches has us out.  The fruit pouches were something found on a run.  They're a hard plastic, reusable.  You can puree fruit and put it inside for toddlers to eat from.  A lot less messy than fighting with a spoon.

 

I pass one to Kendall and Imogene.  They both sip happily at their breakfast.  Then I grab enough for the others to have one if they want.  It's mostly applesauce with some early blackberries mixed in but they love it.

 

The park is a small lot, smaller than the house lots, with a sidewalk winding around it in a large blocky eight.  The two swing sets are in the first cleared section while the fort and climbing toys are on the back one.  The middle is separated by the sidewalk just as the outer edges are blocked in.

 

I take the kids to the back section since they prefer the climbing toys.  They run ahead, confident and trusting that this is where they can run free.  I lay out the blanket on the edge of the grass nearest the middle sidewalk so I can watch them as they run back and forth.

 

Kendall and Imogene give excited squeals as I put them both on the blanket.  It's a bit of a struggle to get down myself but I manage it.  Getting up will be worse, I already know.  But it's nice out here and it's easy to relax to the kids laughter.

 

Sophia and Carl come up, baby Judith held close to his chest.  I wave them over and place her on the blanket beside me.  The other two are crawling off, escaping to play on the nearest toy.  

 

I wave the kids away, telling them to play but not go far.  They dont need much encouragement to be off.  Both rush first to the swings.  But they'll probably go further before long.

 

At barely seven months, our best estimate, I'm fairly big.  Lisa says it's because I was already small to begin with.  And most of my clothes don't fit.  I've taken to wearing gym shorts with string ties and large t shirts.  It makes me feel fat and hot but Daryl just says I look cute.

 

I miss him.  It's a painful ache, knowing they're so far gone and I can't reach them.  I trust them, I do.  I know they'll come home when they get the chance.  I know he'll come home.  But it doesn't make me worry any less.

 

I sit and try to relax.  I let the sounds of the kids shouting and laughing sooth me.  The weather is warm, almost hot, but the breeze is going.  Baby Judith lays on her stomach, gumming her arm.  

 

Kendall and Imogene have pulled themselves up against the plastic pirate ship climbing toy that we moved from our backyard.  Neither can get up to the top yet but they like to walk around it, holding the sides.  Sometimes theyll climb inisde it.

 

Emmett follows Micah into the fort.  They seem to be bellowing low war cries at invisible enemies.  Apparently they're warriors today.

 

Sarah has followed Sophia and Carl to the swings.  They put her in the baby one, the plastic thing that has a hard piece around their middle so they won't fall off.  The two older ones are taking turns pushing her while whispering excitedly to each other.

 

It's enough to release the tension I've held all night.  So I lean back, close my eyes, and soak up the sun.  The familiar sounds lulling me into an almost doze.

 

Which is why it startled me so badly when I hear an actual scream.  I sit up, searching quickly for the source.  And I almost scream too.

 

Because it's Micah and Emmett who screamed, horrified.  Because I see her too, blood smeared over her mouth, teeth bared and eyes pale with death.  Because there shouldn't be cursed here,  this is our safe zone!

 

But whether she should or shouldn't be here is irrelevant.  The fact is she's here, and she's heading for the kids.  I wont be fast enough to reach them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To answer some questions:
> 
> the former council is currently licking their wounds. That won't last long for some. 
> 
> Rick is going to crazy town slowly instead of all at once like in the show, yeah he'll do some damage later. 
> 
> And there wasn't a conspiracy about the food so much as negligence. Jackie wasn't ignoring the issue, she just took for granted that they could always get more. She noticed the high volume they used but she saw a lot coming in so she never worried. 
> 
> The quarry group took a lot of things for granted and didn't really wise up well to how the world changed. They also have the attitude that since they were there from the beginning then they should have more say. And while they learned to trust the Dixons, it took a lot of effort on Charlie's part. 
> 
> They haven't learnt that lesson so when the high volume of food turnover came up they chose to blame the large new group that wasn't the kind of people they felt were 'good'. This played into their agreement to banish them. And it wasnt mentioned to others because they thought they knew better and they felt it was their business as the council.
> 
> Debra watched the weapons and in her opinion they always needed more but they hit a lot of good runs and not too many problems. They also haven't had too many medical issues to eat up those supplies.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

 

It happened in slow motion.  A blink and something is lost.  A breath and it's all changed again.  She stumbles forward.

 

A scream wretches out of my throat as I struggle to my knees.  Micah and Emmett pull Abigale and Evelyn up into the fort with them even as it offers no protection.  She's far too close!

 

I lunge for the stroller, knowing I wont be fast enough.  We never saw her come up.  We never knew she was there.  And now she's too close!

 

A blur of movement shoots past.  Carl dives on the cursed, tackling her to the ground.  Sophia is screaming for help but they're all too far away.

 

I grab the hunting knife, using the stroller to pull myself up.  I curse myself for not grabbing a gun.  But we're supposed to be safe here!

 

My legs tremble with the first step.  I push myself forward.  She's on top of Carl now, snapping at him.

 

I run, ignoring the babies screaming in terror.  The only way to help them is to end her.  And Carl is only barely holding her back.

 

She snaps at his face, blood dripping onto his cheek.  He keeps his arm against her neck to hold her back.  But all it will take is for her to shift an inch and she'll have his arm in her mouth.

 

I stumble a bit, my balance off.  But I make it to them.  I pull the blade back and punch it forward.  It slices through the base of her skull and up into her brain.  She goes still.

 

Carl looks back at me, eyes wide and terrified.  That was close, too close.  We're both shaking, the kids and Sophia are still screaming.

 

I try to help him get free.  It takes us both to shove her off of him.  I look at her, seeing her.  I know her... It clicks.

 

I fall to my knees, my meager breakfast coming back up.  I heave, again and again.  I'm shaking and can't stop enough to breath. 

 

People gather around, shouting questions.  Hands touch my back.  Someone pulls Carl away.  I gasp for breath and scream.

 

It's not a loud or a long scream, just horrified.  Because that was Jackie.  That was Jackie!

 

She was no where near the border!  She was no where near the cursed!  And the long cuts down her forearms speak of suicide.

 

So how did she turn?  Why did she turn?  I scream again, unwilling to complete the thought.

 

More hands pull at me.  Several hands touch my stomach.  It's tight and it hurts and the baby is moving to much.  

 

Hershel grabs my face, forcing me to meet his eyes.  He speaks clearly, stressing the words although it takes a second repeat for me to understand, "Were you bitten?  Are you having contractions?"

 

I'm breathing to fast, my fingers digging into his arms.  My stomach clenched painfully.  This can't be happening!  This can't be happening!

 

I hear Carl shouting over the others.  I hear the kids screaming for me.  Beth and Kiara and Carol and Barry have them but they're crying and screaming.  I need to calm down!

 

I close my eyes, force myself to breath.  It Silas that's behind me, his hands on my belly.  He's counting something out loud.  I grip Hershels arms tighter.

 

It takes a long time, too long.  I'm weak and shaking but I finally slump down.  My stomach stops clenching and the kids have stopped screaming.  

 

"Blood on her mouth," I get out numbly.  "She had blood on her mouth."

 

Hershel blinks back, confused.  I shake my head, pointing at it... at her... at Jackie.  Because she has blood on her mouth so someone has been bitten.  

 

"We need a sweep of all the houses, the barns, everywhere," I struggle to tell them.  "Get everyone armed.  She's bitten someone!"

 

That startled them into motion.  Rick grabs Carl, ordering him home.  I shake my head,  "Move the kids out beyond the gate for now.  Whatever happened, it happened here.  We need to get them away from danger until we know it's safe again."

 

Rick shoves at Carl but the boy holds his ground.  Silas starts issuing orders, backing my plan.  His tone steely as he takes control of this mess.  Everyone listens.

 

Beth, Kiara, Carol, and Barry gather up the kids, herding them away.  Sophia puts Kendall and Imogene in the stroller.  Carl gathers up Judith, shooting a glare at his father as he passes him.

 

I'm too weak to stand.  My arms and legs still trembling terribly.  But Silas scoops me up, careful of the baby.  

 

I try to argue, I don't even know why I'm arguing.  But he shushes me and says, "You and the kids can wait by our circle, between the fires we light at night.  You'll see anything coming long before it gets close."

 

"She wasn't bit," I mutter out.  "She killed herself.  She wasn't bit."

 

He lets out a breath, worry clear in the sound, "Yeah, I noticed that too."

 

"Are we all cursed?" I ask, my voice so small it's barely there.

 

He tightens his hold, "We'll get through this.  We just have to be careful, that's all.  We'll get through this."

 

I wish I believed him.  But the cold knot in the pit of my stomach won't let me.  I want Daryl.  I want Daryl!

 

"I know, sweetheart," Silas whispers back, "he'll be back soon, you'll see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jackie was suicidal for a while. Loosing her seat on the council as well as her job handling inventory threw her for a spin. She chose to end it.
> 
> They didn't know that everyone who dies turns. Rick went to the CDC but he also said the doctor there was crazy so they forgot about it. This is a way to show them it's real.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

 

We stay outside the gate all day.  It's kept closed while Silas and Gus lead the others to sweep the area.  Rick is with them along with a few from the border or the farm.  

 

The radios are a constant stream of updates.  We don't want a mass panic but this is a serious matter.  Carl has taken my walkie and kept up a commentary with the different groups.  

 

I leave him to it.  Instead I sit on a scratchy blanket that smells of beer with my kids pressed close.  Carol sits close with her girls while Beth walks with a fussy Judith.

 

Robert stays with us, cooking up hash browns and fried squirrel nuggets.  He doesn't tell the kids it's squirrel, they don't need to know.  And he makes it tender enough that you can eat it like a chicken nugget.

 

I smile, appreciating his efforts.  And it works, somewhat.  Sarah and Emmett perk up at the lunch, excited to have nuggets again.  Micah looks over suspiciously but accepts his plate with a thanks.

 

The radio crackles to life, the voice scratchy but clear.  "We're approaching the main gate," Michonne calls, "let us on through."

 

I start crying, great hiccuping sobs.  It startled the kids but it's more relieved than anything.  Barry settles close, trying to draw Sarah's attention.  His older daughter, Emily, tryes to do the same with Emmett.  Neither budge an inch from my side.

 

Carl moves close, radio held out in front of me.  I sniff, looking up confused.  But then I hear Daryl call out, "Darlin!  You there?  Need ta hear ya say somethin."

 

I take the radio with a shaky hand.  A quick scrub at my eyes and I choke out, "I'm here."

 

"What happened?  You hurt?"  He demands.

 

I shake my head, frustrated that he's not here with me.  I sniffle again, answering, "Jackie turned."

 

This time it's Michonne that demands, "What do you mean turned?"

 

"She killed herself," I tell them, sniffing loudly.  "She slit her wrists down to the elbow.  And she got up a cursed."

 

"You hurt?" Daryl shouts out, "Darlin! Who got hurt?  Say somethin!"

 

"She didn't get us," I tell him.  "She was close, so damn close.  I never woulda reached her in time."

 

I glance up to meet Carl's eyes, letting him see the gratitude I feel.  I tell them, "Carl tackled her.  She woulda got the kids if he didn't.  He tackled her to the ground til I could stab her."

 

There's a gust of breath, a curse muttered.  Then Daryl calls out calmly, "Y'all ain't hurt, right?  Boy did good, kept y'all safe."

 

"We ain't hurt but I need ya here, Daryl," I sniffle again.

 

"Ain't far out now, Darlin," he answers.

 

I pass the walkie back to Carl.  He squeezes my hand, a mutual thanks shared.  Then he slips away to listen to whatever else is said.

 

It takes almost a half hour for Daryl to get here.  It shouldn't have taken that long but apparently there was a crowd of cursed at the front gate.  And they brought a lot of trucks which meant they had to watch really carefully so the cursed didn't get in too.

 

He comes up on his bike, the engine roaring angrily.  And his scowl is something  fearsome.  But just the sight of him releases that cold twist of fear in my gut.

 

It's stupid but I feel safer with him near.  Like as long as he's here things won't be so bad.  Like, as long as he's here, we'll be safe.

 

The kids are up and running before he's even off the bike.  He scoops them into a tight hug, squeezing them close.  But he watches me over their heads.

 

The relief on his face is visible.  He drags the kids back and tells them to be still.  Then he moves behind me, pulling me tight against his chest.  The last of my fear leaves then.

 

He holds me tight, almost painfully so.  But I need this so I don't argue.  A bruise doesn't matter so long as he's here.

 

He asks again what happened.  It's Micah who answers quietly, "We saw Ms. Jackie.  She was hurt and actin funny.  She was scary so we was screaming."

 

He looks up guilty, fat tears roll down his cheeks.  I stroke his hair, telling him he did good.  He chews his lip nervously but seems to accept it.  

 

He continues, "She was coming for us like the monsters on the bus and we was screaming.  Carl knocked her down and she was trying to bite him."

 

"Y'all did right," Daryl tells him.  "Ain't nothin ya coulda done against one o them so screamin to alert others was right."

 

Micah shifts, looking less troubled and hesitantly proud.  No doubt it helps that someone he looks up to has reassured him.  He'll still need to talk again, more reassurance, but he's doing good.

 

Sarah tries to crawl up Daryls side, "We climbed up the fort to hide, daddy, but the monster tried ta get us."

 

Emmett nods, turning in my lap to meet Daryls gaze over my shoulder, "Momma screamed a lot but unca Silas said we gotta wait down here an momma'd be okay."

 

Daryl nods back, "Y'all done good, all o y'all done good."

 

More engines rumble this way, pickups and a couple of the big diesels.  About seven come up, parking along the road but stopping before the gate.  I would've expected more for all the time it took them.

 

Daryl snorts, no doubt hearing my thoughts.  He whispers to me, "We got about thirty big rigs here.  Most are parked along the inside of the main gate.  Well go through em all eventually.  It's a damn good haul."

 

The wall gate opens, Silas stepping out with the others following.  He waves everyone to gather around, leading them over to us.  He shares a glance with Daryl, nods and relaxes.  

 

Then he turns to address the group, "Alright, folks, listen up now!"

 

The crowd quiets down fairly quickly.  Once he's sure he has their attention he explains, "As y'all know, we had a cursed within the wall."

 

Worried mutters break out but hes quick to silence them.  He says, "Jackie killed herself, back behind Hill house.   It looks like Margaret saw her, maybe went out to help.  She killed her.  Margaret's dead."

 

He sighs, glancing at those who searched the houses with him.  But he squares up to say, "Margaret turned, then she attacked Hollies younger boy.  We found her inside the kitchen of hill house eatin him."

 

He gives everyone a minute to process that, casting a worried glance at the kids pressed tight against us.  Beth gives a loud sob, curling tightly into herself. She's not the only one to do so.

 

Caleb runs forward, pulling her close. She turns into him, clinging close with baby Judith held between them. He comforts her, holding her tightly. Neither Maggie nor Hershel complain although neither look happy.

 

Silas looks around painfully at those so obviously in pain. Then he adds, "With so many gone on the run we think Jackie followed the noise of the kids laughing.  She went to the park where the kids was playing.  It was a close call, too close."

 

He tells them, "We know three people died.  We know Jackie was the first and she wasnt bitten.  That means this disease is probably in all of us."

 

Panicked words are shouted and exclaimed.  He whistles for their attention, "We know now that we gotta be careful!  We know that dying means turning.  We may have to isolate anyone who's really sick or injured for safety.  We all agreed that we're gonna set up a few places to keep anyone, outside the wall, for all our safety."

 

That settles them some.  He adds, "The council will make arrangements and everyone will be updated at lunchtime everyday to what progress we've made."

 

That more than the rest lets some relax.  There are still several crying.  Still a lot of fear.  But the assurance that they'll be kept informed, that there won't be secrets, it goes a long way to helping.

 

He's not done because he orders, "I want twenty people, armed, to do another walk through.  Buddy system the whole way.  I ain't letting anyone back behind that wall til I know it's safe."

 

Volenteers came forward.  He ended up with almost sixty people willing to walk through.  He set them to tasks, giving them an area to search.  Then he leads them all back in.  

 

Daryl doesnt go.  I'm glad because I don't think I could handle him going now.  I squeeze his arms in thanks.  He presses a kiss to my cheek, understanding that he's needed here.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

 

May passes in sweltering heat but less fear.  June just brings exhaustion and a severe lack of rain.  But with the various pools we've put up along the roads to gather water, at least we managed both months well.

 

We unload this haul. It came with everything from clothes and toys to cleaners and food. We opened the clothes and toys for everyone to pick through first. We kept the food secure and carefully watched but no one bothered it.

 

Miraculously, they also came back with two fuel tankers.  When asked how, Michonne and Adrian both pointed at Daryl.  The blame, and praise, laid on him and Glenn.

 

Daryl shrugged it off unconcerned but Glenn would regale anyone who would listen. It reminded people that he's young, only barely twenty. And it earned him a lot of concerned lectures and a furious one from Maggie.

 

What had happened was, when they went to grab extra trucks from the u-haul place, one of the women noticed a gas tanker. It was a few blocks away and through a large herd. Our two idiots covered themselves in cursed guts and walked through the herd.

 

Glenn kept reassuring people that they were careful. He said that as long as they were slow and quiet the herd left them alone. But I still clung tighter to Daryl until he whispered a promise to not do it again.

 

We send out four times for the big warehouses.  We do lose one woman, although it was no one's fault.  The building was cleared, everyone was armed.  But when a half eaten arm grabbed at her ankle, she panicked.  

 

She shot herself in the thigh and bled out before anyone could stop it.  It was a mistake, a foolish one.  But no one is assigning blame.

 

We've also stretched out past our fields.  It's an odd, almost blocky egg snapped expansion. It will take in part of a neighborhood and a park on its farthest northern end. The slightly more narrow south eastern portion has an abandoned train and a portion of track running through it.

 

We had debated the train area, avoiding the tracks would've taken more containers and left that corner oddly angled. But some of Silas people wanted to change the train cars over to individual housing. We agreed to build up blocks on top of the tracks for safety. No one thinks that trains will run but no one wants to take the chance either. 

 

We've used several of the containers pulled from the last five runs to block off the northern portion.  We still need more to complete it.  This expansion will give us a half over what we already have.  Well worth all the effort going into it.

 

We have cells built up, cages made of iron fences and tin roofs.  There are five of them, set in a line and backed against the wall.  Cinder blocks and concrete were used to level the ground beneath them as well as hold the fencing in place.  

 

We have plans to add five more outside the border but within the expansion.  We don't want to use them but it's better to have and not need than need and not have.  At least they can even be used as shelter if we're overrun, not that anyone wants to use them for that.

 

We've lowered the border that will be within the expansion.  The containers pulled from there have been moved out for the extension.  It still needs double the amount to be complete but its progress.

 

CB spends everyday working on rigging up solar panels to the houses and RVs.  He's converted half of the houses already to solar power with the generators as backup.  He hopes to have it all finished by winter but his supplies are dwindling and another run is needed.  

There isnt a place nearby to get more. The only place CB knows of is a three hour drive away before the world ended. Itll probably take a team over a week to get there and back. Its a concern but its also a run we need. We kept it volenteer only due to the danger and theyll make the run in september when the weather starts to cool. 

 

Hershel did know where a few wagons could be found.  Maggie, Glenn, and a few others rode out with the horses and came back with long wooden wagons.  They took them to hit the food pantries and WIC center nearest to us.

 

Between all of the runs, our foods are at a surplus. In fact, we have enough for two years without worry even with our numbers.  We've converted the garages into storage for all household goods, cleaners, and clothes.  Merle and Daryl both huffed at loosing our garage but it was necessary.  That freed up a lot of storage sheds for food supply.

 

It's really impressive, truth be told.  The sheer amount of canned goods is staggering.  But we did speak to the community about our overindulgence.  Everyone takes the concern well, they know we're in this for the long haul.

 

It was put to a vote and agreed that lunch would be a communal meal near the wall gate.  This would cut down on waste.  We would also watch the weekly distribution better.  No need to hand out ten cans of green beans if the house still has five in the cabinet, after all.

 

So we're being more cautious about things, more careful to watch what we do.  We're still dumping waste at the intersection but we've had to start dumping in the grocers store now as the drug store is full.

 

We're also watching the nearby fields.  There may not have been anyone to plant them but some have seeded themselves somehow.  And there's an entire field of wheat growing about twenty miles down the road.

 

There's also an orchard out that way, a berry farm too.  It's a long way out but we've already sent a group twice to gather berries that have ripened.  Nothing like blackberries and blueberries straight from the vines.

 

Beth has been overseeing the canning of a lot of our fruits.  It's nice to have fresh but we'll be glad when winter arrives to have a taste of sweet fruit.  And she loves showing the other women how to can foods, growing strong in such a simple role.

 

She's also grown a bit braver, or perhaps her father has mellowed.  Because she and Caleb don't even hide that they're sweet on each other.  They share flirting smiles and have picnics in the grass at the park.  It's adorable really.

 

We've also set up a mentorship thing.  It was Koda's idea, although it started with the discussions about how CB is the only electrition of sorts that we have.  That without schooling we would need people to teach us through experience.  So we've assigned several people, mostly teens, to shadow others.

 

Hershel has two that he's trying to teach veterinary medicine to.  Lisa has two that she's teaching what medical knowledge ahe can.  Between the two and their four apprentices, we hope were well set for the future.

 

Barry pulled his older daughter to learn the inventory with him.  She has a mind for business, he says.  While his younger daughter is one of Lisa's charges.

 

Maggie and Koda's father Elmo have taken to teaching farming and animal care to a group of five.  They mostly teach the basics, not the healing that Hershel teaches.  They even got to assist with the births. 

 

The really good news is we have four new calves, a new horse, two new fauns, and ten new goats all born in early May.  Hershel exclaimed loudly that having such good helpers was surly the cause.  He also says we should have more come next spring.

 

In mid-May, we dug a pond along a stretch of ground between Poplar and the border, past the RVs but before the fields. We havent built or farmed that way so its mostly used to park the cars and supply trucks.  

We lined it with plastic and used stones to hold it in place.  With all of the rains it filled up quick and gave us a place to swim and play. It's given everyone a much needed place to relax and let loose so it was well worth the effort to put it in place.

 

That's all the good news.  The bad news is Hollie isn't handling the loss of her son well.  She's ghosting along and Lisa and Carol are doing their best to help her through this. No one blames her and she is trying, but it's clear that she's barely holding on.

 

Her baby is healthy, out of the incubator and blinking around curiously.  She named him Corbin, for his daddy.  And he's a sweet little thing, really.  But she's pale and cries so much that she needs help to take care of him.  Not that anyone blames her, not at all.

 

Some of the guys, from Silas's group I think, put graffiti on the containers on either side of the main gate.  There's a huge 'In Memory', beautifully written with doves and flowers all over it.  Then it lists names, large and in a solid black with a white border.  

 

It has everyone we've lost since coming here.  Each name written clearly, bold and beautiful amongst all the colors.  It's brought out tears but it's also helped.  Because we need a way to mourn and this is more than we could expect.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for the comments and kudos💐💐 y'all are awesome.  
> I'm letting this chapter end this part of the story because I want a time jump that wouldn't have flowed as well from this one. There will be another story soon and I hope y'all enjoy that one too😚❤💐💐💐

Chapter 36

 

July brought back the rain.  We were grateful, we needed the water for us, the animal, and the crops.  I just wish the rain didn't come with hot winds, thunder, and ear splitting lightening.  

 

I mean, it's the third week and already we've been having near flooding levels for most of that.  It did refill the swimming pond and all of the plastic pools set up out that way for our water supply which is good.  But it's turned the animal pens as well as our park into muddy pits.  

 

The yards with all the vegetables growing there, are a soggy mess.  From the melons growing in front of Ricks house to the squash filling Hill house, each yard is a muddy puddle.  But Hershel and Maggie both assure us all that it's normal and the crops and animals will be fine.

 

The kids think it's awesome but it's hell to get them clean again.  Just yesterday, when Daryl took them to the park, they all came back through the downpour caked in mud.  I told him he had to clean them up which he did with an amused smirk.  At least they had fun.

 

It's put a stop to our supply runs though.  It's just too dangerous being out in this kind of weather.  We're not worried about food although we'll need to get some more animal feed soon, our supply is running low for all of them.  We're hoping to have a few clear days to hit a nearby store but so far it's a no go.

 

Daryl hasn't been hunting either.  I know he's getting restless, he's been very amorous lately.  He's not used to being cooped up for so long.  So he and some of the more restless of our community have been pushing and driving the cars and trucks out along the open area of our extension.  

 

They take the ones we don't use, the abandoned ones from neighborhoods and roads.  Then they park them, bumper to bumper to create a block of sorts.  It won't keep people out but it will discourage the cursed.  They tend to take the path of least resistance so if a herd comes and doesn't see anything to entice them, they'll just be buffered along.

 

Others have gotten restless with nothing to do but remain inside.  It was Barry breaking out the board games and various table top games to keep people occupied.  Every house and RV have been packed with people coming and going, trying to have fun when they can.

 

Barry prefers poker so there is always three or more games going in his RV each night.  He also has a few of those roulette wheels and boards for a casino game room setup.  Daryl tends to win fairly well but they aren't really betting anything.

 

Silas moved up in our attic.  It was a long unfinished thing that he converted with help into something resembling a camp cabin or an army barrack.  He then dragged his crew out of the tents and up there with him.  Which is a good thing because those tents they were in would not be safe in this weather.

 

It also wizened people up to moving storage up there, after putting down boards for flooring.  This freed up garages to be converted into game rooms or bedrooms.  Although, hill house converted their attic into medical storage and housing for Lisa's two trainees while their garage became another barracks like room for others to seek shelter out of the pop ups and tents hovering along the outer edges of the fields.

 

The storms have hindered the border guards too.  With all the lightening it just isn't safe for them to stay up top.  So we've got them in the RVs and we're just hoping nothing bad comes of this.  CB went out with a few others, some metal antennas, and some rolls of wiring.  I don't know what he did but he said the containers had to be grounded.  No one argued so we let him go do whatever that was.

 

I can't sleep.  It's too hot and I just can't get comfortable.  There's a tension low in my back that nothing will sooth.  I tried a cool bath that Daryl filled for me before bed, even walking around, but that hasn't helped.

 

With a sigh I give it up as a lost cause.  There's a rocking chair in the front room so I go in there.  I even grab a book to read to pass the time.

 

There are a few books here, mostly set in fantasy worlds or historical times.  I settle down to read the Hobbit.  It's one I remember well and one I've always enjoyed.  It's not as good as the later trilogy but not much is really.

 

Hours pass as I slowly rock back and forth.  Bilbo has flown on the eagles back and met the skinchanger by sunrise.  The sky gains a reddish hue, a predawn light that barely brightens up more than the clouds.

 

I glance outside long enough to see the early risers head out to replace the night shifters.  The day actually looks like it will be bright so perhaps our border guard can walk the containers today.  It will certainly be a relief after the past week long storming session we've had.

 

My back twinges uncomfortably.  It's like a tension knotting up painfully.  And I've probably gone to the bathroom a dozen times.  Not that anything came out.  I think it's just the baby's weight getting to me.

 

A pain sparks, my belly clenching sharply.  I blink, surprised.  That hurt, really hurt.  Maybe I've been rocking too long.

 

Another clench occurs, only a few minutes later.  I wonder if maybe I've made myself sore from walking and rocking.  It's almost like a muscle cramp, a really painful one.

 

I push myself up from the chair.  Maybe if I get some rest it will stop.  If not, I'm sure Daryl will rub my back for me.

 

I get past the couch but not as far as the hall when another muscle spasm occurs.  It's sharp, a tightening clench that pulls my entire belly inward.  It makes me stumble, crying out in surprised pain.  It holds for half a minute before it eases.

 

"Darlin?" Daryl calls from the room.

 

I glance up as he opens the door.  We share a worried glance, both unsure.  I shake my head, I'm not in labor I'm sure.  He asks anyways.

 

"I'm not due for three more weeks and all my checkups have shown I'm healthy," I answer.  "I think I just rocked too long and its given me a cramp."

 

He nods but he still looks worried.  I rub my belly, hoping to sooth the muscles.  

 

I cry out as another clench hits me.  It's a harder pull inward, a sharper pain.  And it came with a heavy pressure between my legs.

 

Daryl has his arms around me.  Truthfully, he's the only thing holding me up.  My belly stays clenched, the pressure stays pressed down, for a solid minute.

 

When it passes I gasp, more at the difference that the absence shows.  Daryl holds me tight, his hand low on my belly.  No doubt he can feel how the muscles clenched and spasmed.

 

It happens again, quicker this time.  My legs nearly buckle beneath me.  I grab Daryls arm, squeezing tight as I wait for it to pass.  I can hear him shout for Carol and Merle but it takes a minute for the pain to stop.

 

It's giving me a headache, nearly giving me whiplash from the sudden clenches and stops.  It's also happening fast, less than a minute between each spasm.  Maybe it's fake labor, Lisa mentioned that could happen.

 

"Is she in labor?" Carol asks rushed.

 

"The fuck should I know?" Daryl snaps back.

 

"How long has this been happening?" She asks.

 

"Not long," I answer, "maybe ten minutes but it's fast."

 

"It might not be labor," Carol offers uncertainty.

 

Another hits before Daryl can comment.  My belly clenches, inward and down.  My knees bend and the pressure pushes down.  It's enough that I don't cry out, I just grit my teeth until it stops.

 

When it stops, Carol is in front of me.  Her hands press over my belly.  She looks worried but unsure.  After a moment of thought she decides, "You get her in bed and I'll go get Lisa.  She can come check either way."

 

Daryl and Merle each grab me under the arm and hurry me to the bedroom.  We have to stop twice before we reach the bed.  It keeps happening, the sudden clenching and downward pressure.

 

They insist on pulling off my clothes.  Even if I hadn't been lovers with both it wouldn't have mattered.  I'm hot and uncomfortable and the pains keep happening faster and faster.

 

Someone touches between my legs only for the sound of slapping flesh to echo through the room.  Daryl snarls, "The Hell?"

 

"Damn, Daryl, I was just gonna check if somethins comin out yet," Merle answers defensively.

 

I glance down at the two of them standing toe to toe,  Daryl glaring angrily.  Merle must be been the one to touch me and it pissed Daryl off.  Not surprising but now isn't the time for their posturing.

 

It happens again, my body curling around my belly as everything clenches inward.  The pressure is harder, like the bones will fall out from between my legs.  It's not as painful as it is just really strong and sudden.

 

"Damn, I think it's gonna come out," Merle says worriedly.

 

"She ain't due for three weeks," Daryl responds uncertainly.

 

I glance down to see them both staring between my legs.  I would laugh at their expressions if I could get the breath to do it.  Instead I gulp down a lungful of air.

 

It happens again, almost immediately.  There's a pain, low on my belly.  But it's more like the pain of an overworked muscle.  Its happening faster and faster each time.  There's barely time to breath before it hits again.

 

I curl up, my feet leaving the bed as I curl around my belly.  There's a shake, a pop of pressure and something is wet.  Merle shouts, jumping back.  Daryl just looks back worried.

 

It happens again almost immediately.  I can't even unfurl before it all clenches again.  I grit my teeth, groaning loud through the harsh hold.  Both men start cursing up a storm.

 

Fingers touch me and I nearly kick out.  I do glare angrily at Daryl who has his hand between my legs.  If I had the breath I would shout at him but I can barely breathe.

 

He blinks up, "All my knuckles fit."

 

There's a moment of confusion.  A moment where glances are exchanged and something decided.  Then they both move.

 

Daryl lifts my right foot to his chest, pushing my knee outward to spread my legs.  Merle does the same with the left.  I almost yell at them both but it actually helps.  I relax my legs open as much as I can and the pressure eases slightly.

 

It happens again, more downward than inward.  I curl, push, some combination of the two.  With grinding teeth I clench and shove or something like both.

 

I barely take a breath when it happens again.  Both Merle and Daryl are talking, encouraging.  I don't really take in what's said but the tones are calming.

 

It happens again.  I grip the backs of my thighs and grunt with the pressure forcing down.  Something burns, fire in my flesh.  I almost pull away from it but I couldn't if I wanted too.  

 

Whatever is happening is beyond my control.  It's scary but it helps that the brothers are here.  It helps that I have them to support me.  It lets me relax that unnoticed fraction.

 

It happens again.  Burning turns to a sharp pain and a harsh pressure.  I shout out loud but too distracted by the feeling to shout for long.

 

It doesn't so much as stop as one wave overtakes the ending of another.  Hands hold tight to my knees and thighs and both men are talking, loud in their encouragement.  I'm too far gone to care what's said.

 

It stops.  Not suddenly, but the pressure is pulled out.  Grossly enough all I can compare it to is when you go to the bathroom and finally finish.  That is a terrible comparison but it's all I can think.

 

It also doesn't feel all out, if that makes sense.  Daryl releases my leg, wide eyes on the bed between him and Merle.  He pulls and the remainder of whatever is gone.  

 

I can breathe.  I'm dizzy and light headed but I can finally breathe.  I'm trembling and shaky and I almost can't relax.  But I lower myself down, grateful that it seems to be over.  And I'm tired, too tired.

 

There's a mewling sound, like a newborn pup.  It isn't a cry, but its a small sound.  Shouldn't there be a loud cry?

 

I glance over to Daryl, holding a pink, wrinkly baby.  I see a small tuft of dark hair, a body curled in a ball against his chest.  She's out... our baby girl.

 

He laughs, a startled relieved sound.  A tear rolls down his cheek.  Merle hovers close, looking at the baby with something like awe and wonder in his eyes.  

 

I guess I was in labor.  Odd, I expected it to be different.  But she's out, it's over.  I reach for her, unable to ask.  Daryl moves closer to lay her on my chest, a long fleshy cord stretched between us.  

 

She's wrinkly and pink, not as red as I expected.  And her eyes are squeezed shut still.  Her head is perfectly round, short thin black hair still wet.  Her hands are fisted, held close to her chest but her feet kick out.  

 

Daryl holds her foot, his thumb rubbing the bottom of it almost absentmindedly.  His voice full of awe when he says, "Our lil asskicker wanted out, I reckon."

 

I laugh at that, "We ain't namin her asskicker."

 

He looks at me, a content smile stretched wide as he replies, "We namin her Lenore, right?"

 

I nod back.  I've always liked that name and he likes that he can call her Lenny for short.  We've had the name picked for a month now but we haven't told others.  Daryl says it's bad luck to introduce her before she's even born.  

 

The door opens, hurried footsteps move closer.  Merle snorts, opening the door to snark out, "Y'all late!  Lil asskicker wasn't gonna wait for ya."

 

Carol and Lisa both slip into the room, a bag on Lisa's shoulder.  They both stare at the bed in shock.  Carol shakes it off first with an excited shout.  That snaps Lisa into motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is how my labor went, from first actual contraction to holding my baby took less than two hours. It wasn't pain, just pressure. Everyone acts shocked when I tell them but honestly, it didn't really hurt.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post these two chapters with this part of the story. The next will time jump to February. Hope y'all enjoy😊

Chapter 37

 

By the time I'm cleaned up and changed the rest of the house is awake.  Lisa says I'll be alright and promises to check me again later.  Then she takes the baby from Daryl for another look.

 

She has a small scale to weigh her, it comes back at five pounds and two ounces.  Then she measures her from head to foot which isn't easy by the looks of it.  Lenore keeps pulling her leg back stubbornly to curl up.  But she does get the measurement of twelve inches long.

 

Merle let's the kids in first, knowing that they'll want to see the new baby.  Micah and Emmett both beg to hold her so Daryl lets them each have a turn while he hovers nearby.  Sarah looks around stubbornly before demanding Merle hold her.

 

Carol and Lisa take the kids with them, Merle following to help.  Theres a lot of noise out in the living room so I know Silas and his people have come down.  Merle barks proudly that the baby came which is greeted with a lot of cheering.

 

Daryl stays in the room with me.  I doze a bit but don't really sleep.  Mostly I watch him hold her.  His face so soft, his eyes taking in every detail.  Theres a quiet awe that fills him as the holds her close.

 

Carol brings in lunch for us both, asking if we're up to visitors yet.  Daryl nods to me, leaving it as my devision.  I'm steady enough that I can walk without difficulty even if sitting up hurts so I tell her that we'll come out there.

 

The living room is packed with those who've been staying in the attic.  Most are sitting down or leaning against walls but they all perk up when we step out.  I look around the room again but yhe kids are gone.

 

Carol says, "I sent them to play with Sophia and Jami, she offered to help today."  

 

Daryl carries Lenore forward so that everyone can see.  There are many smiles and congratulations offered.  Several even come close to offer a hug to me or ask how I'm doing.

 

I watch Daryl pass Lenore to Silas who holds her carefully.  He grins up at us teasing, "Don't know why we was worried, after five younguns you're a pro at this now, right?"

 

"She's our first," I offer to the confusion of the group.  

 

Then realization hits and I explain, "Lenore is our first baby.  The others I knew before all of this and when things got bad I promised that I'd take them in as if they were my own.  But Lenore is the first I've carried and given birth to."

 

"You aint their momma?" Eric asks.

 

I explain, "I worked in the nursery at our church and sometime I would babysit them so they knew me well."

 

His snorts amused, "You took them two delinquents to church?"

 

He waves his hand at the Dixons to everyone's amusement.  I laugh too, shaking my head and answer, "No, I met them after the world went down."

 

"Y'all hooked up after the fall?" Silas asks. "The kids call y'all momma and daddy."

 

I shrug, "Well, we are now so it's fine.  It ain't like we stole em or something."

 

"Yeah," Merle cuts in, "Darlin here saved their lives when they got overrun."

 

"Where was you when you got overrun?" Bri asks.

 

I explain, "We had gone to church when they were evacing our neighborhood.  Daddy didn't trust the army and thought we'd be safer at church with people we knew."

 

A few glances are shared at that but I shrug it off.  I add, "When supplies got too low we put everyone on a bus and tried to get out of the city.  We didn't make it far, a herd got us."

 

"How'd you get away?" Gus asks.

 

"Climbed on top of the bus, which was the left side, through the emergency window," I answer.

 

"They didn't follow you?" Bri asks.

 

I shrug and answer, "They were too busy eating everyone I knew to bother with us."

 

Merle snorts, "She also took two down with a hairbrush and smeared their innards on a few blankets to use as camouflage so the cursed wouldn't kill em."

 

"A hairbrush?" Gus asks incredulous.

 

I swallow down the tears and answer, "It was all I had at the time and it worked."

 

"How'd the Dixons find y'all then?" Silas asks, passing Lenore to me.

 

I smile down at her, cuddling her close.  She's so tiny, just a pink little thing.  And yet I already love her completely.

 

"We saw what she was doing," Merle answers.  "So we set off some car alarms down the road a ways to draw them off and drove up to get her and them kids.  Best risk we ever took."

 

Silas hums thoughtfully, his gaze searching my face for something.  He asks hesitantly, "How old are you, sweetheart?"

 

"Eighteen," I answer without thought.  It's not like it matters.  

 

Only, apparently it does because he puffs up angrily and turns on Daryl and Merle to snarl out, "What the Hell are y'all doing fucking a girl?"

 

"She's eighteen," Merle defends at the same time Daryl replies, "We ain't hurt her."

 

"You telling me that y'all picked her and them kids up out of the goodness of your hearts?" He asks disbelievingly.  "I already know you were both screwing her before Daryl married her."

 

"For goodness sake," I huff out, "They ain't done nothing I didn't ask for and they done more for me and those kids than anyone else ever woulda."

 

He frowns back, "You saying they didn't pressure you?  You saying it was never hinted that they would need a reason to stay?"

 

I raise an eyebrow challengingly and ask, "Do you honestly think that I would let someone bully me into something like that?"

 

Several snorts and full out laughter is the answer from the room.  I smile, finding it more amusing than anything.  And I know he was only worried, only looking out for me.  

 

So I grip his arm and say, "They would never hurt me or those kids.  I trust them, I've trusted them since the beginning."

 

He huffs but his stance relaxes.  He wraps an arm around my shoulders to hug me close for a moment and offers as apology, "I just know most men might take advantage if they could."

 

"Well," I answer, "They didn't.  But thank you for worrying."


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

 

August did not bring the relief we wanted.  The heat stayed, a humid heat that made your stomach churn uncomfortably.  At least the storms have passed but the heat is worse than ever.  Thankfully the A.C. is still going strong.

 

A barn was built in the cow field, just two long walls and a roof, so they could have shade if they wanted.  They also built a similar one in the other pens to offer the animals shade.  We should've built them in the spring but we were too busy.  We started adding ice to their troughs to help fight the heat.

 

We lost a cow, Hershel said it was old anyways but the heat was making her ill.  So the decision was made to freeze most of her meat, Maggie took over grinding everything brought over.  That way we'll have ground beef as well as sausages for the winter.  

 

We've also sent out groups to the orchard and the berry farms.  They had some trouble with a small herd of cursed but nothing severe.  And they came back loaded down with fresh juicy peaches, bright red apples, and buckets full of berries.

 

Beth again lead the canning but only half of the haul was canned.  The rest was passed out and we gorged ourselves for going on three days now.  I know me and the kids have been scarfing down the berries like crazy.  They really are good.

 

Last night was unusually quiet, a wary stillness which seemed to unsettle everyone.  It was like a bad omen, a raven flying above a battlefield.  Something inherit in each of us that knew something bad was going to happen.

 

Sunrise brought it into the light.  And with an overwhelming horror, we saw them gathered.  Too many to count and all moving towarda us.

 

A herd, several hundred strong.  Moving like a wave against our border wall.  We watched with baited breath as they bumped into the containers, looking around confused.  

 

We've kept low, hunkering down on the containers roof to avoid detection.  But they must know were here because they're moaning and groaning and hitting the containers.

 

I meet Nicks eyes, his own mirroring my fear.  The container rocked!  They may break through.  Dear God, don't let them break though!

 

I'm not on patrol today as im still supposed yo be resting.  I mostly came out here because of how the guards were behaving.  I want to see if I could help sooth ruffled feathers.  But now I'm stuck up here too with Cursed hitting at the containers trying to break in.

 

I grab the walkie, trying to keep my voice low, "A herd of several hundred, maybe six hundred feet right of the main gate.  They're pushing on the containers."

 

I turn the knob, lowering the volume until I can barely hear it with it pressed to my ear.  All the while cursing my own stupidity for coming out here.  There are panicked calls, voices shouting back and forth.  

 

I wait for a moment of silence to order, "We need Something to reinforce the containers, they're rocking the containers we're on."

 

Daryl gets on then, ordering me back.  But I reply, "We need to reinforce the border."

 

The hits are stronger now.  Nick glances out, his face pales before he crawls back to me.  A violent shudder goes through the containers as the herd presses closer.

 

They shouldn't fall.  It's probably just because there's so many of them and its making so much noise.  Surely they can't bring down the border.  We just need to distract them.

 

"We need a distraction," I call over the radio, "something far enough out to get them to stop hitting the containers.  Because the noise they're making is drawing more."

 

Someone replies but I miss what's said.  Instead I close my eyes and focus on calming down.  Because this won't end anytime soon.  And if we're not careful it won't be pretty either.

 

Ten minutes pass before other guards make it to our position.  Billy starts muttering curses under his breath.  Two semi trucks pull up, grinding against the metal of the containers as they each park where this container meets the ones on either side. The noise rules them up to beating on the container more.

 

We each have a gun but that won't be enough.  It'll only piss them off and waste our ammo.  We need to do something but what?

 

Daryl climbs up, followed by Merle, CB, and Silas.  All four pale when they see just how large the herd is.  They scramble to get down but the groans are already louder. The herd presses harder against the container and I think if the semi trucks weren't there we would've already been pushed back.

 

"There must be a several hundred of them," Nick whispers, barely heard over the noise.

 

Daryl presses himself over me, as if he can shield me from this.  I glance at the others, "We need to decide now if we're gonna waste this much ammo taking down the herd or do we wanna find another way?"

 

Merle shakes his head, "Even if we lead em away they may come back.  A herd that big, we gotta take em out."

 

I glance at Nick, then at Silas, they both nod their agreement.  I call on the radio, "All shooters except main gate guards come to our position.  Every shooter, come to our position.  We're gonna shoot em all."

 

"Like fish in a barrel," Daryl says coldly.

 

Somehow, I think this is far more dangerous.  Because once we start firing, it will rile them more.  And there's the risk that they will climb over the other bodies.  That's a lot of bodies.

 

I sit up, lifting my gun.  The others follow suit.  But we hesitate because once this starts, there's no going back.  

 

"Shit," CB mutters, pulling his bag around from his back.  I hadn't even noticed he had it but he usually does.  He digs through it a minute before pulling out a thick red stick of...something?

 

"Fuck yeah!" Merle exclaims.  The others relax a fraction as well.

 

Merle pulls out a lighter, flicking the flame out.  CB holds the stick close, letting the thin wire cord sticking out catch fire.  Then I realize, dynamite... It's dynamite!

 

He throws it into the crowd and ducks down.  Daryl pushes me over, him and Merle shielding me as the blast goes off.  It hasn't stopped them but there are a few confused cursed who turn towards the noise.  He lights two more, tossing them at opposite back sides of the herd.

 

I'm more prepared for the duel explosions this time.  He does it three more times before calling that hes out.  We all look out to see the damage.  Some were blown up in the blasts, small pockets of destruction and limbs, but most are still there.  And they're really riled up now, hungry mouths snapping at the air.

 

"Well, fuck!" Merle snaps out, frowning down at the mob below.  We have no choice now.  And more people have clamored up the stairs to join us in staring at this monstrosity.

 

"Okay," I call their attention, "We're gonna work in four units.  Silas, Nick, Merle, and Daryl are our best long range shooters so you each take a rifle, two to each side, and start picking them off from the back."

 

They nod their agreement, moving into position.  I address the others, "Now I'll need Billy, Eddie, George, Candy, Bri, and Eric taking out those on that side closest to the container.  Three of you take the ones against the container and the other three aim out about ten cursed."

 

They move to obey, backing Silas and Nick.  "CB, Danny, Ashley, Brittany, Jonsie, and Keith, same rules on the other side."

 

Gunshots ring loud but so numerous and constant that you cant hear anything else.  More are arriving so I put them in groups and set them to an area to target.  Then I call for ammo to be brought out and put six people on loading up the empty cartridges.  

 

The first hour goes by and it looks like it's well in hand.  The amount of noise is horrible and my ears will be ringing for a while but it is working.  It just takes a long time.

 

By the second hour, there are stragglers further out, stumbling closer.  The constant barks of the gun have faded down to single direct shots by those with the best aim.  Each hit is a kill shot, rarely were any missed.  But it was a lot of cursed so it used a lot of ammo.

 

I'm glad I left Lenore at home.  I has thought about bringing her but I worried about having her out in this heat.  It's was a good thing because I wouldn't want her near this mess. And at least the border held.


End file.
